SWAMI VIVEKANANDA ON HIMSELF

SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

ON

HIMSELF

SWAMI VIVEKANANDA CENTENARY

CALCUTTA

Published by

SWAMI SAMBUDDHANANDA
General Secretary,

Swami Vivekananda Centenary
163, Lower Circular Road
Calcutta 14

First published: September 1959

Price Rs. 5J-

Printed by

Shri K. A. Raman

at SAXON PRESS

43, Fort Street, Bombay 1

PREFACE

Swami Vivekananda was bom in Calcutta on the 12th of
January, 1863 and peacefully passed away on July 4, 1902
in the Monastery atBelur Math near Calcutta. After re¬
maining an unknown figure for nearly thirty years of his life
he emerged as a World Teacher in the true sense of the term
and blessed innumerable souls all over the globe.

It was’on January 27. 1900 during his second visit to
America that Swami Vivekananda delivered to the Shakes¬
peare Club of Pasadena, California, somewhat reluctantly a
touching account of “My life and Mission". In it the Swami
naturally gave out very little of his great and eventful life.
Fortunately for us, however, we are able to gather a fund of
information about his life and work in the East and the West
from the large number of his letters to his disciples, friends
and admirers in both the Hemispheres as also from a few
other very reliable sources.

In fact the present book is a documentation of selected notes
and utterances of Swamiji abqjit himself and his work collec¬
ted from the books mentioned below. These are arranged
chronologically so as to form what may be called a near
autobiography of the great Saint. And for this very important
work we are much indebted to a Swami of the Ramakrishna
Order, who prefers to remain annonymous. The original
manuscript prepared by him was the product of patient labour
for a long period and it was passed on to a senior Swami of
the Bombay Ashrama, who jointly with Prof. Charu Chandra
Chatterjee went through the manuscript, weighing and judg¬
ing the passages, collating and comparing them with the

source books, removing a passage here, or replacing a passage
there. As a result of these changes, the book seemed to take
a definite shape and Prof. Chatterjee was then asked to
prepare a Press Copy exercising all editorial power so that it
might become a good readable and presentable volume when
it came out of the press.

Prof. Chatterjee was very ably assisted by Smt. S. Bhargava
M.A. who v(as entrusted with the heavy and responsible
work or mention mg proper reference or the books and pas¬
sages from which the materials of the manuscript were
culled as also noting the dates of Swamiji's letters included
in the manuscript. It is thus intended to be an authentic
record for future guidance.

We are indebted to these Swamis and friends for the com¬
mendable work they did with devotion and care and also to
the Proprietor of the Saxon Press without whose active
co-operation it would have been very difficult for us to
bring out the present volume.

The excerpts are from :

1. The Complete works of Swami Vivekananda- 8 volumes
(published by the Advaita Ashrama. Calcutta 14)

2. The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna.

(published by Sri Ramakrishna Math, Mylapore,
Madras 4)

3. Sri Ramakrishna - The Great Master.

(published by Sri Ramakrishna Math, Mylapore,
Madras 4)

4. The Master as I saw Him

(published by the Udbodhan Office, Calcutta 3)

5. The life of Swami Vivekananda by His Eastern and
Western disciples (Published by the Advaita Ashrama,
Calcutta 14)

6. New Discoveries - Swami Vivekananda in America
(published by Advaita Ashram, Calcutta 14)

This selected compilation, which includes Swamiji's own
words about his beloved Guru Sri Ramakrishna, we
believe, will be a highly valuable and handy document and
will remain a source of inspiration to the coming generation*

Publisher

CONTENTS

Page

1. Birth and Boyhood ... ... , 1

2. Discipleship ... ... ... - * 12

3. Sri Ramakrishna, My Master ... 55

4. Baranagore Math and Peripatetic Days 85

5. The Divine Call and the Chicago

Parliament of Religions .... 120

6. March of Events .... ... 150

7. Return to India and Founding of

Ramakrishna Mission ... ... 220

8. The Plan of work ... ... 257

t

9. Second visit to America and the

Paris Congress .... ... 273

10. The Last Days ... .... ... 303

CHAPTER I

BIRTH AND BOYHOOD

The present writer is an insignficant servant of Sri
Ramakrishna. I am not ashamed of my race, or my birth
or nationality. I am proud of my race, proud of my an¬
cestors, I am proud to call myself a Hindu. It has been
one of the principles of my life not to be ashamed of my
own ancestors. I am one of the proudest men ever born,
but let me tell you frankly, it is not for myself, but on
acccount of my ancestry. The more I have studied the
past, the more I have looked back, more and more has
this pride come to me and it has given me the strength
and courage of conviction, raised me up from the dust of
the earth and set me working out the great plan laid
out by those great ancestors of ours.

My father and mother fasted and prayed for years
and years, so that I would be born.

I have such a memory when I was only two years old
I used to play with my syce, at being a Vairagi , clothed in
ashes and Kaupina. And if a Sadhu came to beg, they
would lock me in upstairs to prevent my giving too much
away. I felt that for some mischief, I had had to be sent
away from Siva. No doubt my family increased this
feeling, for when I was naughty they would say “Dear,
dear, so many austerities, yet Siva sent us this demon after
all, instead of a good soul!” Or when I was very rebellious,
they would empty a can of water over me, saying Siva!
Siva! and then I was all right. Always, even now, when I
feel mischievous, those words keep me straight.

2

When I was a little boy at school, I had a fight with
another fellow about some sweetmeats, and he being the
stronger boy, snatched them from my hand. I remember
the feeling I had; I thought that boy was the most wicked
boy ever born, and that as soon as I grew strong enough
I would punish him, There was no punishment
sufficient for his wickedness. We have both grown
up now and we are fast friends. This world is full
of babies to whom eating and drinking and all these
little cakes are everything. They will dream of these
cakes, and their idea of future life is where these cakes
will be plentiful.

What I saw and felt (on my way to Raipur in 1877)*
when going through the forest, has for ever remained
firmly imprinted on my memory, particularly one event
of one day. We had to travel by the foot of the
Vindhya mountains of high peaks on that day. The
peaks of the Ranges on both sides of the road were
very high in the sky, bending under the weight of fruits
and flowers. Various kinds of trees and creepers produc¬
ed wonderful beauty on the sides of the mountains, birds
of various colours flying from arbour to arbour or down on
the ground in search of food, filled the quarters with sweet

*In the year 1877, while Vivekananda (then Naren) was a student
of third class, his father went to Raipur in the Central Provinces
(Madhya Pradesh). He arranged that this family should follow him
later on led by Naren. It was a journey partly by bullock cart via
Allahabad and Jubbulpore through dense forests and over
unfrequented roads, for the railways were in those days cons¬
tructed only upto Nagpur.

Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902)

3

notes. I saw all these and felt an extraordinary peace in
my mind. The slowly moving bullock cart arrived
at a place where two mountain peaks coming forward as
in love, locked themselves up in an embrace over the
narrow forest path. Observing carefully below the meet¬
ing points, I saw that there was a very big cleft from the
crest to the foot of this mountain on one side of the path,
cfad filling that cleft, there was hanging on it an enormous
ho*neycomb, the result of the bees’ labour for ages. Filled
with wonder, as I was pondering over the beginning and
the end of that kingdom of bees, my mind became so
much absorbed in the thought of the infinite power of
God, the Controller of the three worlds, that I completly
lost ray consciousness of the external world for some time.
I do not remember how long I lay in the bullock cart in
that condition. When I regained external consciousness,
I found that we had crossed that place and come far away.
As I was alone in the cart, no one could know anything
about it.

We cannot deny that there is much misery in the
world; to go out and help others is, therefore, the best
thing we can do, although in the long run we shall find
that helping others is only helping ourselves. As a boy
I had some white mice. They were kept in a little box
which had little wheels made for them, and when the
mice tried to cross the wheels, the wheels turned and
turned, and the mice never got anywhere. So it is with
the world and our helping it. The only help is that we
get moral exercise.

When he (my tutor) came to our house, I brought
my English and Bengali Books to him and showing him

which part of which books were to be learnt that day, I
lay or sat freely. The teacher repeated twice or thrice
the spelling, pronunciation, meaning etc. of the words of
these portions of the books, as if he was himself learning
his own lesson and went away. That was sufficient for
me to learn them.

Even while I was a student at Calcutta, I was of a
religious temperament. I was critical even at that time
of my life, mere words would not satisfy me.

I used to see all my life a wonderful point of light
between my eyebrows as soon as I would shut my eyes in
order to go to sleep, and observe attentively its various
changes. In order that it might be convenient to see it, I
used to lie on my bed in the way people bow down
touching the ground with their foreheads. That extra¬
ordinary point used to change its colours, and increasing
in size, become gradually converted into the form of a
ball, and bursting at last, cover my body from head to
foot with white liquid light. As soon as that happened,
I lost external conciousness and fell asleep. I believed
that all people went to sleep that way. I was long
under that impression.

When I grew up and began to practice meditation,
that point of light used to come before me, first of all, as
soon as I closed my eyes, and I concentrated my mind on
it. In those days I daily practised meditation with a few
friends according to the instruction of Maharshi Devend-
ranath. We talked among ourselves about the nature of
visions and experiences each of us had. At that time I
came to know from what they said that they never had

5

the vision of such light and that none of them went to
sleep in that way.

From my very boyhood I was a dare-devil sort of
fellow. Otherwise do you think I could make a tour
round the world without a single copper in my pocket?

While at school, one night I was meditating within
tlosed doors and had a fairly deep concentration of mind.
How long I meditated in that way, I cannot say.

It was over, and I still kept my seat, when from the
southern wall of our room a luminous figure stepped out
and stood in front of me. There was a wonderful radi¬
ance on its visage, yet there seemed to be no play of
emotion on it. It was the figure of a sanyasin absolutely
calm, shaven headed, and staff and kamandalu (a sanya-
sin’s wooden water-bowl) in hand. He gazed at me for
some time, and seemed as if he would address me. I too
gazed at him in speechless wonder. Then a kind of fright
seized me. I opened the door and hurried out of the
room. Then it struck me that it was foolish of me to run
away like that, and that perhaps he might say something
to me. But I have never met that figure since. Many a
time and often have I thought if I could again see him, I
would no more be afraid but would speak to him. But I met
him no more; I could find no clue to its solution. It was
the lord Buddha whom I saw. Lord Buddha is my Ishtam,
my God. He preached no tbeoryjjeSTGodhead; he was
himself God. I fully believe it. All my life I have been
very fond of Buddh^/i have more veneration for that
character than for any other. Of course, I do not endorse
all his philosophy. I want a good deal of metaphysics for

6

myself. I entirely differ in many respects, but because I
differ, is that any reason why I should not see the beauty
of the,man? I wish I had one infinitesimal part of
Buddha’s heart. Buddha may or may not have believed in
God, that does not matter to me. He reached the same
state of perfection to which others come by Bhakti, love
of God, Yoga or Jnana.

I am not a Buddhist, and yet I am.

From my very boyhood, whenever I came in contact
with a particular object, man or place, it would sometimes
appear to me as if I had been acquainted with it before¬
hand. But all my efforts to recollect were unsuccessful,
and yet the impression persisted. I will give you an in¬
stance. One day I was discussing various topics with my
friends at a particular place. Suddenly something was
said which at once reminded me that in some time past in
this very house I had talked with these friends on that
very subject and that the discussion had even taken the
same turn. Later on I thought that it might be due to
the law of transmigration. But soon I decided that such
definite conclusions on the subject were not reasonable.
Now I believe that before I was born I must have had
visions somehow of those subjects and people with whom
I would have to come in contact in my present birth.
That memory comes, every nowj^fien, before me through¬
out my whole life.

Just two or three day6 before the Entrance examina- ,
tion I found that I hardly knew anything of geometry.
Then I began to study the subject keeping awake for the

7

whole night and in course of twenty four hours I mastered
the four books of geometry.

It so happened that I could understand an author
without reading his book line by line. I could get the
meaning by just reading the first and the last line of a
paragraph. As this power developed I found it unneces¬
sary to read even the paragraphs. I could follow by
reading only the first and last lines of the page.

Further, where the author introduced a discussion to
explain a matter and it took him four or five or even more
pages to clear the subject, I could grasp the whole trend
of his arguments by only reading the first few lines.

I remember that the year I graduated, several girls
came out and graduated—the same standard, the same
course, the same in everything as the boys, and they did
very well indeed.

I studied hard for twelve years, and became a gradu¬
ate of the Calcutta University.

•

All of us have heard of extraordinary happenings,
many of us have had some personal experience of them.

I would tell you certain facts which have come within my
own experience.

I once heard of a man who, if any one went to him
with questions in his mind, could answer them immediate¬
ly, and I was also informed that he foretold events. I was
curious and went to see him with a few friends* We each
had something in our minds to ask, and to avoid mistakes,
we wrote down our questions and put them in our pockets.

8

As soon as the man saw one of us, he repeated our ques.
tions and gave the answers to them. Then he wrote
something on paper which he folded up, asked me to sign
on the back and said, 'Don’t look at it. Put it in your
pocket and keep it till I ask for that again.’ And so to
each one of us. He next told us some events that would
happen to us in future. Then he said, “Now think of a word
or sentence from any language you like.’’ I thought of^a
long sentence from Sanskrit, a language of which he was
entirely ignorant. “Now take out the paper from your
pocket,” he said. The Sanskrit sentence was written
there! He had written it an hour before with the re¬
mark, “ In confirmation of what I have written, this man
will think of this sentence”. It was correct. Another of
us who had been given a similar paper which he had sign¬
ed and placed in his pocket, was also asked to think of a
sentence. He thought of a sentence in Arabic, which it
was less possible for the man to know; it was some pas¬
sage from the Koran. And my friend found this written
down on the paper! Another of us was a physician. He
thought of a sentence from a German medical book. It
was written on his paper. Several days later I went to
this man again, thinking possibly I had been deluded some¬
how before. I took other friends and on this occasion also
he came out wonderfully triumphant.

As soon as I went to bed, two ideals appeared before
me every night since I had reached my youth. One vision
presented me as a person of endless wealth and property,
innumerable servants and dependants, high rank and dig¬
nity, great pomp and power and I thought I was seated at

9

the head of those who were called big men in the world.
I felt I certainly had that power in me. Again, the next
moment, I felt as if I had renounced everything of the
world and putting on a loin doth, eating whatever was
available without effort and spending nights under trees,
depending upon-the God's will only, I was leading my life.
I felt I could live the life of Risliis and Munis if I would.

* These two pictures, according to which I could mould
my life in two different ways, thus arose in my mind. But
the latter would grip the mind in the end. I thought that
in this way alone man could attain real bliss and that I
would follow this path and not the other. Brooding on
the happiness of such a life, my mind would then merge
in the contemplation of God and I would fall asleep. It
is a matter of astonishment that it happened to me, every
night for a long time.

I never terrified children by speaking of hobgoblins
as I was afraid of uttering a falsehood, and scolded all
whom I saw doing it. As $he result of English education
and my frequenting the Brahmo Samaj, the devotion to

verbal expression of truth had increased so much then.

*

At the beginning of this century (19th) it was almost
feared that religion was at an end. Under the tremendous
sledge-hammer blows of scientific research, old supersti¬
tions were crumbling away like masses of porcelain.
Those to whom religion meant only a bundle of creeds
and meaningless ceremonials were in despair; they were
at their wit's end. Everything was slipping between
their fingers. For a time it seemed inevitable that the

10

surging tide of agnosticism and materialism would sweep
all before it. When I was a boy, this scepticism reached
me, and it seemed for a time as if I must give up all hopes
of religion. But, fortunately for me, I studied the Christ¬
ian religion, the Mohammedan, the Buddhist and others,
and what was my surprise to find was that the same fun¬
damental principles taught by my religion were also
taught by all religions. It appealed to me this way. “What
is the truth”, I asked.

When I was a boy here, in the city of Calcutta, I
used to go from place to place in search of religion, and
everywhere I asked the lectures after hearing very big
lectures, “Have you seen God?” The man was taken
aback at the idea of seeing God and the only man who
told me “I have” was Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, and
not only so, but he said “I will put you on the way of
seeing Him too”.

Sri Ramkrishna was the son of a very orthodox Brah¬
min, who would refuse even a gift from any but a special
caste of Brahmins.

Owing to the extreme poverty of his family Sri Rama¬
krishna was obliged to become in his boyhood a priest in
a temple dedicated to the Divine Mother, also called
Prakriti or Kali, represented by a female figure standing
with feet on a male figure, indicating that until Maya lifts,
we can know nothing.

The daily service of the Mother Kali gradually awa¬
kened such intense devotion in the heart of the young
priest that he could no longer carry on the regular temple

11

worship, so he abandoned his duties and retired to a small
woodland in the temple compound, where he gave himself
up entirely tolmeditation. These woods were on the bank
of the Ganges and one day the swift current carried to
his very feet just the necessary materials to build him
a little hut. In this he stayed and wept and prayed,
taking no thought for the care of his body or for aught
except his Divine Mother. A relative fed him once a day
and watched over him. Later came a woman Sanyasini or
ascetic to help him find his “Mother Whatever teach¬
ers he needed came to him unsought. From every sect

*

some old saint would come and offer to teach him and to
each he listened eagerly. But he worshipped only
Mother. All to him was Mother.

He is born to no purpose, who, having the privilege of being
born a man, is unable to realise God in this life.

SRI RAMAKRISHNA

Each soul is potentially divine. The goal is to manifest this
divine within, by controlling nature external and internal.

SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

12

CHAPTER II

DISCIPLESHIP

1 was born in Bengal and became a monk and a celi¬
bate by choice. At my birth my father had a horoscope
taken of my life, but would never tell me what it was.
Some years ago I visited my home. My father having
died, I came across the chart among some papers in «my
mother's possession and saw from it that I was destined

to become a wanderer on the face of the earth.

*

I had a deep interest in religion and philosophy from
my childhood. And our books teach renunciation as the
highest ideal to which man can aspire. It only needed
the meeting with a great teacher, Ramakrishna Parama-
hamsa, to kindle in me the final determination to follow
the path he himself had trod, as in him I found my highest
ideal realised.

*

In the Order to which I belong we are called Sanya-
sins The word means “A mart who has renounced". This
is a very, very, very ancient Order. Even Buddha, who
lived 560 years before Christ, belonged to that Order. So
ancient! You find it mentioned away back in the Vedas,
the oldest book in the world.

The Order is not a Church and the people who join
the Order are not priests. There is an absolute difference
between the priests and the Sanyasins.

The Sanyasins don't posses property, and they do not
marry. There is the bond between the teacher and the

13

taught. That is peculiar to India. The teacher is not a
man who comes to teach me and I pay him so much and
there it ends. In India it is really like an adoption. The
teacher is more than my own father, and I am truly his
child, his son in every respect. I owe him obedience and
reverence first, before my own father even, because the
father gave me this body, but he (the teacher) showed
me the way to Salvation. He is greater than father.
And we carry this love, this respect for our teacher all
our lives. Sometimes the teacher may be a young man
and the disciple a very old man.

Now, I happened to get an old man to teach me, and
he was very peculiar. He did not go much for intelectual
scholarship, scarcely studied books, but when he was a boy
he was seized with a tremendous idea of getting truth
direct. First he tried by studying his own religion. Then
he got the idea that he must get the truth of other reli¬
gions, and with that idea he joined all the sects, one after
another. For the time being, he did exactly what they told
him to do, lived with the devotees of these different sects
in turn, until interpenetrated with the particular ideal of
that sect. After a few years he would go to another sect.
When he had gone through all that, he came to the con¬
clusion that they were all good. He had no criticism to
offer to Any one, they are all so many paths leading tt>
the same goal. And then he said, “ That is a Glorious
thing that there should be so many paths because if
there were only one path parhaps it would suit only
an individual man. The more the number of path^:
the more the chance for everyone of us to ,,kob*N

14

the truth. If I cannot be taught in one language, I will
try another, and so on.” Thus his benediction was for
every religion.

I remember vividly my first visit to him. It was at
the temple garden at Dakshineshwar in his own room #
That day I sang two songs. He went into Samadhi. He
said to Ram Babu, “Who is this boy? How well he
sings!" He asked me to come again. h

People came by thousands to see and hear this
wonderful man, who spoke in patois, every word of which
was forceful and instinct with light. This man came to
live near Calcutta, the Capital of India, the most import¬
ant University town in our country, which was sending
out sceptics and materialists by the hundreds every year.
Yet many of these University men, sceptics and agnostics,
used to come and listen to him. I heard of this man and
I went to hear him. He looked just like an ordinary man,
with nothing remarkable about him.

Well, I sang the song, bift shortly after, he suddenly
rose and taking me by the hand led me to the northern
verandah, shutting the door behind him. It was locked
from the outside; so we were alone. I thought he would
give me some private instructions. But to my utter sur¬
prise he began to shed profuse tears of joy as he held my
hand, and addressing me most tenderly as one long fami¬
liar to him, said “Ah, you come so late! How could you*
be so unkind as .to keep me waiting so long! My ears are
well-nigh burntTistening to the profane talks of worldly
people. Oh, how I yearn to unburden my mind to one \

15

who can appreciate my innermost experience!". Thus he
went on amid sobs. The next moment he stood before
me with folded hands and began to address me, “ Lord, I
know that you are that ancient Sage, Nara, the Incarna¬
tion of Narayana - born on earth to remove the miseries
of Mankind " and so on!

• I was altogether taken aback by his conduct. “Who
is this man whom I have come to see ?” I thought, '* he
must be stark mad. Why. I am but the son of Vishwana-
tha Dutta and yet he dares to address me thus!" But I
kept quiet allowing him to go on. Presently he went
back to his room, and bringing some sweets, sugar-candy
and butter, began to feed me with his own hands. In
vain did I say again and again, “ Please give the sweets to
me. I shall share them with my friends!”. He simply
said, “ They may have some afterwards," and desisted
only after I had eaten all. Then he seized me by the hand
and said, “Promise that you will come alone to me at an
early date." At his importunity I had to say “Yes",
and returned with him to my friends.

I sat and watched him. There was nothing wrong in
his words, movements or behaviour towards others.
Rather from his spiritual words and ecstatic states, he
seemed to be a man of genuine renunciation, and there
was a marked consistency between his words and life
He used the most simple language, and I thought, “ Cap
this man be a great teacher?” I crept near him and
asked him the question which I had asked so often, -
“Have you seen God Sir?" “Yes, I see hinA just as I see
you here, only in a much intenser sense." “ God can be

16

realised ”, he went on. “ One can see and talk to Him as
I am doing with you. But who cares to do so? People
shed torrents of tears for their wife and children, for
wealth or property, but who does so for the sake of God 7
If one weeps sincerely for Him, He surely manifests
Himself.” That impressed me at once. For the first
time I found a man who dared to say that he had seen
God, that religion was a reality to be felt, to be sensed in
an infintitely more intense way than we can sense the
world. As I heard these things from his lips, I could not
but believe that he was saying them not like an ordinary
preacher but from the depths of his own realisations. Bu t
I could not reconcile his words with his strange conduct
with me. So I concluded that he must be a monomaniac
Yet I could not help acknowledging the magnitude of his
renunciation. “He may be a madman,” I thought, ‘ but
only the fortunate few can have that renunciation. Even
if insane, this man is the holiest of the holy, a true Saint
and for that alone he deserves the reverential homage of
mankind!” With such conflicting thoughts I bowed
before him and begged his leave to return to Calcutta.

I went to see him next at Rajamohan's house. The
third visit was at Dakshineshwar again. During that visit
he went into Samadhi, and began to praise me as if I were
God. He said to me, “ O Narayana, you have asssumed
this body for my sake! I asked the Divine Mother,

“ Mother, unless I enjoy the company of some genuine
devotees completely free from “Woman and Gold” how (
shall I live on earth?” Then he said to me “You came
to see me at night, woke me up and said. Here I am !'*

17

But I did not know anything of this. 1 was sound asleep
in our Calcutta house.

I did not realise then that the temple garden of
Dakshineshwar was so far from Calcutta, as on the pre¬
vious occasion I had gone there in a carriage. The road
seemed to be so long as to be almost endless. However,
I reached the garden somehow, and went straight to Sri
Ramkrishna’s room. I found him sitting alone on the
bedstead. He was glad to see me and calling me affec¬
tionately to his side, made me sit beside him on his bed.
But the next moment I found him overcome with a sore
of emotion. Muttering something to himself, with his
eyes fixed on me, he slowly drew near me. I thought he
might do something queer as on the previous occasion.
But in the twinkling of an eye he placed his right foot on
my body. The touch at once gave rise to a novel experi¬
ence within me. With my eyes open I saw that the walls
and everything in the room, whirled rapidly and vanished
into naught and the whole Universe together with my
individuality was about to merge in an all-encompassing
mysterious void! I was terribly frightened and thought
that I was facing death, for the loss of individuality
meant nothing short of that. Unable to control myself
I cried out, “ What is it that you are doing to me, - I
have my parents at home.'* He laughed at this and
stroking my chest said, “ All right, let it rest now. Every¬
thing will come in time.” The wonder of it was that no
sooner he had said this than that strange experience of
mine vanished. I was myself again and found everything
within and without the room as it had been before.

18

All this happened in less time than it takes me to
narrate it, but it revolutionised my mind. Amazed I
thought, “What could it possibly be? It came and went
at the mere wish of this wonderful man I began to
question if it were mesmerism or hypnotism. But that
was not likely, for these acted only on weak minds, and I
prided myself on being just the reverse. I had not
as yet surrendered myself, to the stronger personality of
the man; rather I had taken him to be a monomaniac. So
to what might this sudden transformation of mine be due?

I could not come to any conclusion. It was an enigma, I
thought, which I had better not attempt to solve. I was
determined, however, to be on my guard and not to give
him another chance to exert similar influence over me.

s

/

The next moment I thought how can a man who
shatters to pieces a resolute and strong mind like mine be •
dismissed as a lunatic ? Yet that was just the conclusion/
at which one would arrive from his effusiveness on our
first meeting, unless he was an Incarnation of God, which
was indeed a far cry. So, I ^as in dilemma about the real
nature of my experience, as well as the truth about this
remarkable man, who was obviously pure and simple as a
child. My rationalistic mind received an unpleasant
rebuff at this failure in judging the true state of things.
But I was determined to fathom this mystery somehow.

Thoughts like these occupied my mind during the
whole of that day. But he became quite another man
after that incident, and as on the previous occasion trea¬
ted me^with great kindness and cordiality. His behavioirr
towards me was like that of a man who meets an old

Swami Vivekananda

19

friend or relative after a long separation. He seemed not
to be satisfied with entertaining and taking all possible
care of me. This remarkably loving treatment drew me
all the more to him. At last, finding that the day was
coming to a close, I asked his leave to go. He seemed
very much dejected at this and gave me his permission
only after I had promised to come again at my earliest
cpnvenience.

One day in the temple garden of Dakshineshwar, Sri
Ramakrishna touched me over the heart, and first of all
I began to see that the houses, rooms, doors, windows,
verandahs, the trees, the sun, the moon, all were flying
off, shattering to pieces as it were, reduced to atoms and
molecules, and ultimately became merged in the Akasha.
Gradually again, the Akasha also vanished, and after that
my consciousness of the ego with it, what happened next
I do not recollect. I was at first frightened. Coming
from that state, again I began to see the houses, doors,
windows, verandahs, and other things. On another occa¬
sion I had exactly the same realisation by the side of a
lake in America.

How can you call this a derangement of the brain!
when it comes neither as the result of delirium from any
disease nor as an illusion produced by various sorts of
queer breathing exercises, - but when it comes to a
normal man in full possession of his health and wits?
Then again, this experience is in perfect harmony with
the Vedas. It also coincides with the words of realisation
of the inspired Rishis and Acharyas of old. Do you take
me, at last, to be a crack-brained man?.

20

This knowledge of oneness is what the Sastras speak
of as realisation of the Brahman, by knowing which, one
gets rid of fear, and the shackles of birth and death
break for ever. Having once realised that supreme bliss,
one is no more overwhelmed by pleasure and pain of
this world.

That supreme bliss fully exists in all, from Brahman
down to the blade of grass. Being again and again
entangled in the intricate maze of delusion and hard.hit
by sorrows and afflictions, the eye will turn of itself to
one’s own real nature, the inner self. It is owing to the
presence of this desire for bliss in the heart, that man,
getting hard shocks, one after another, turns his eyes
inwards - to his own self. A time is sure to come to
everyone, without exception, when he will do so, to one
it may be in this life, to another, after thousands of
incarnations.

I did not hesitate to use harsh words for his (Sri
Ramakrishna’s) blind love for me. I used to warn him
saying that if he constantly thought of me he would
become like me.-Just like king Bharatha of the old
legend, who so doted upon his pet deer that even at the
time of death he was unable to think of anything else,
and, as a result, was born as a deer in his next life. At
these words, Sri Ramakrishna, so simple was he, became
very nervous, and said, “What you say is quite true;
what is to become of me, for I cannot bear to be sepa¬
rated from you’’. Sadly dejected, he went to the Kali
Temple, whence he returned in a few minutes smiling
and said, “You rogue, I would not listen to you any
more. Mother says I love you because I see the Lord
in you, and the day I shall no longer do so, I shall not be

21

able to bear even the sight of you". By this short and
emphatic statement he dismissed once for ail everything
that I had ever said to him on the subject.

One day he said to me, “You can see Krishna in your
heart if you want." I replied, “I don’t believe in Krishna
or any such nonsense!". Once I said to him, “The form
of God and things like that which you see in your visions
are all figments of your imagination". He had so much
faith in my words that he went to the Divine Mother in
the Temple and told Her what I had said to him. He
asked Her, “Are these hallucinations then?" Afterwards
he said to me, “Mother told me that all these are real".

Again, he said to me, "When you sing. He who
dwells here (touching his heart) like a snake, hisses as it
were, and then spreading the hood, quietly hold himself
steady and listens to your music/

He has no doubt said many things about me.

And how can Sri Ramakrishna’s words prove false?.

We (Sri Ramakrishna and I) talked of our revealed
book, the Vedas, of the Bible, of the Quoran and of the
revealed books in general. At the close of our talk this
good man asked me to go to the shelf and take up a
book. It was a book which, among other things, con*
tained a forecast of the rainfall during the year* The
sage said, “Read that". And I read out the quantity of
rain that was to fall. He said, “Now take the book and
squeeze it". I did so and be sa id, “Why my boy, not a
drop of water comes out. Ufitil the water comes out it
is alt a book, book. So until your religion makes you

22

realise God, it is useless. He who studies books only for
religion reminds one of the fable of the ass which carried
a heavy load of sugar on its back but did not know the
sweetness of it.”

I did not believe in anything. At first I did not
accept most of what the Master said. One day he asked
me, "Then, why do you come here?.” I replied, “I
come here to see you, not to listen to you”. He was
very much pleased.

One day when I was alone with him, he said some¬
thing to me. Nobody else was present. He said, ‘‘It is
not possible for me to exercise occult powers, but I shall
do so through you. What do you say?” “No”, I replied
“you can’t do that!”

I used to laugh at his words. I told him that his
vision of God was all hallucination of his mind.

He said to me, “I used to climb to the roof of the
Kuthi % and cry, "O, Devotees where are you all? come
to me; O! Devotees, I am about to die. I shall certainly
die if I do not see you. And the Divine Mother told me,
‘The devotees will come*. You see everything is turning
out to be true.” What else could I say? . I kept quiet.

I used to follow my own whim in every thing I did.
The Master never interfered, I became a member of the
Sadharan Brahmo Samaj.

The master knew that women attended the meeting
of the Brahmo Samaj. A man cannot meditate with
women sitting in front of him, therefore he criticised the

23

medication of the Brahmo Samaj. But he didn't object
to my going there. But one day he said to me, "Don't
tell Rakhal about your being a member of the Brahmo
Samaj, or he too will feel like becoming one."

I had connection with Pandit Shivanath Shastry's
Party but only on points of social reform. Of course in
Religious matters even with my friend Punditji, I differed
much, -the chief being, I thinking Sanyasa or giving up
the world as the highest ideal and he a sin. So the
Brahmo Samajists consider becoming a monk a sin!

I never identified myself any way with Mr. Mazum-
dar's party-chief (Keshab Chandra Sen), former leader
of the Brahmo Samaj. If he says so, he does not speak
the truth.

When I found that the master did not bestow that
kind of grace on them (my friends) which he had done
on me by accepting me and instructing me in religion, I
used to ask him importunately to bestow it on them.
On account of boyish frivctfity, I became ready on many
occasions to argue with him. I said, "Why Sir, God is
indeed never so partial that He will bestow His grace on
some and not on others. Why should you then not
accept them as you have done me?. Is it not certain

that one can attain spirituality and realise God if one

*

wills and makes an effort just as one can become a
learned Pandit if he puts forth an effort? The Master
replied, "What can I do my child? Mother shows me
that there is the beastly mental attitude of a bull in them
they cannot realise spirituality in this life. What c*pl

do? and what is it you say? Can anyone become what
one wishes to in this life by mere will and effort?” But
who lent an ear to the Master's words then? I said,
“What do you say, Sir? Can't one become what one
wishes to, if one wills and makes efforts? Surely one can.
I cannot believe what you say about it.” At that also
the Master said the same thing, ‘‘Whether you believe
it or not. Mother shows me that.” I never accepted
then what he said. But the more time passed on, t*he
more did 1 understand from experience that what the
master said was right, and what I thought was wrong.

One day as soon as I went to Dakshineshwar, the
Master gave me those books (on non-dualism) to read,
which he forbade others to. Amongst other books, a
copy of Ashtavakra Samhita was in his room. When
the master found anyone reading that book he would
forbid him to do so and would give him instead such
books as ‘‘Mukti and how to attain it,” ‘‘The Bhagavat
Gita,” or some Purana. But scarcely had I gone to him
when he took out the book and asked me to read it. Or, he
would ask me to read some part of Adhyatma Ramayana
which was full of non-dualistic ideas. I said, and some¬
times in an outspoken way, ‘‘What is the use of reading
this book? It is a sin even to think ‘I am God': the book
teaches the same blasphemy. It should be burnt'*. The
Master smiled and said, “Do I ask you to read it to
yourself? I ask you to read a little to me. Please do it.
That being the case, you will not have to think that you
are God”. So, I had to read a little for him at his
request.

25

This magic touch of the Master that day imme¬
diately brought a wonderful change over my mind. I
was stupified to find that really there was nothing in the
Universe but God! I saw it quite clearly but kept silent
to see if the idea would last. But the impression did not
abate in the course of the day. I returned home, "but
there too everything I saw appeared to be Brahman. I
eat down to take my meal, but found that everything the
food, the plate, the person who served and even myself
was nothing but That. I ate a morsel or two and sat
still. I was startled by my mother’s words, “Why do
you sit still? - finish your meal,” and I began to eat again.
But all the while whether eating or lying down or going
to college, I had the same experience and felt myself
always in a sort of comatose state. While walking in
the streets, I noticed cabs plying, but I did not feel
inclined to move out of the way. I felt that the cabs
and myself were of one stuff. There was no sensation
in my limbs which I thought were getting paralysed. I,
did not relish eating, and felt as if somebody else were
eating. Sometimes 1 lay down during a meal and after a
few minutes got up and again began to eat. The result
was that on some days 1 would take too much, but it did
me no harm. My mother became alarmed and said that
there must be something wrong with me. She was afraid
that I might not live long. When the above state
altered a little, the world began to appear to me as a
dream. While walking in cornwallis Square, I would
strike my head against the iron railings to see if they
were real or only a dream. This state of thing continued
for some days. When I became normal again I realised

26

that I must have had a glimpse of the Advaita State.
Then it struck me that the words of the scriptures were
not false. Thenceforth I could not deny the conclusions
of the Advaita Philosophy.

, For the first time I found a man who dared to say
that he saw God, that religion was a reality, to be felt,
to be sensed in an infinitely more intense way than we
can sense the world. I began to go to that man, da^
after day; and I actually saw that religion could be givefn.
One touch, one glance, can change a whole life. I have
read about Buddha and Christ and Mohammed, about
all those different lumanaries of ancient times; how they
would stand up and say, “Be thou whole,” and the man
became whole. I now find it to be true and when I
myself saw this man, all scepticism was brushed aside.
It could be done and my master used to say, “Religion
can be given and taken more tangibly, more really than
anything else in the world.” ^

The second idea that I learned from my master, and
which is perhaps the most vital, is the wonderful truth
that the religions of the world are not contradictory or
antagonistic; they are but various phases of one Eternal
Religion; that one Eternal Religion, as applied to differ¬
ent planes of existence is applied to the opinions of
various minds and various races.

In the presence of my master I found out that man
could be perfect even in this body.

Devotion as taught by Narada, he used to preach to
the masses, those who were incapable of any higher

27

training. He used generally to teach dualism. ,As a
rule, he never taught Advaitism. But he taught it to me.
I had been a Dualist before.

Sri Ramakrishna once told me that not one in
twenty millions in this world believe in God. I asked
him why, and he told me “Suppose there is a thief in this
room and he gets to know that there is a mass of gold in
the next room, and only a very thin partition between
the rooms, what will be the condition of that thief”? I
answered, “he will not be able to sleep at all. His brain
will be actively thinking of some means of getting at the
gold and he will think of nothing else”. Then he replied
“Do you bglieye that a man could believe in God and
not go mad With Him? If a man sincerely believes that
there is that immense, infinite mine of bliss, and that it
can be reached, would not that man go mad in his
struggles to reach it? Strong faith in God and the con¬
sequent eagerness to reach Him constitute Sraddha."

One day at that time I spent a night with the Mas¬
ter at Dakshineshwar. I was sitting quiet for some time
under the Panchavati, when the Master suddenly came
there and catching hold of my hand, said smiling. “Your
intellect and learning will be examined today; you have
passed two and a half examinations* only. A teacher who
has passed three and a half has come today. Come, Idt
me see how you fare in conversation with him”. Nolens

• Narendranath was than studying for his BA. Examination and
Sri M, had passed that examination and was studying Law
(BL). TheMasterput these facts in that way.

28

Volens , I had to go with the Master. When I reached
his room and was introduced to M. (Mahendra Nath
Gupta) I began to talk with him on various subjects.
Having thus engaged us in a talk, the Master sat silent
and went on listening to our words and observing us.
Afterwards, when Sri M. took leave and went away, he
said, “What matters it, even if he has passed those
examinations? The teacher is womanish in charcater - shy.
He cannot talk with emphasis”. Thus putting me
against others, the Master enjoyed the fun.

I might not have gained anything else by this prac¬
tice of religion (shortly after I had met the Master), but
it is certain that I have gained control over my terrible
anger by His grace. Formerly I used to lose all control
over myself in rage and was seized with repentance
afterwards. But, now if anyone does me a great harm
or even beats me severely, I don’t become so very
angry. ^

One day during one of my early visits, the Master in
an ecstatic mood said to me, “You have come!” “How
amazing”, I said to myself, “it is as if be had known me
for a long time”. Then he said to me, “Do you ever see
light”? I replied, “Yes, Sir, before I fall asleep I feel
something like a light revolving near my forehead.”

i

I used to see it frequently. In Jadu Mallick’s garden
house the Master one day touched me and murmured
something to himself. I became unconscious. The effects
of the touch lingered with me a month like an imoxica-

k

tion.

29

When he heard that a proposal had been made
about my marriage, he wept, holding the feet of the
image of Kali. With tears in his eyes he prayed to the
Divine Mother, “O Mother!, please upset the whole
thing, don't let Narendra be drowned”.

One day grandmother overheard my Master speaking
in my room about the efficacy of a celibate life. She told
ohthis to my parents. They became greatly concerned
lest I should renounce the world, and were increasingly
anxious that I should marry. My mother was especially
fearful lest -that- I should leave the family to take upon
myself the vows of a monastic life. She often spoke of
the matter to me, but I would give a casual reply. But
all their plannings for my marriage were frustrated by the
strong will of the Master. On one occasion all negotia¬
tions of marriage were settled, when a petty difference
of opinion arose and the engagement was broken.

Then came a terrible time for me personally and for
all the other boys who used to frequent Sri Ramakri-
shna as well. But to me came such misfortune! My
father died at that time, and we were left poor.

After my father's death my mother and my. brothers
were starving. When the master met Aipn3avjuha one
day, he said to him, “Narendra's father has died. His
family is in a state of privation. It would be good if bis
friends helped him now with money.

After Ananda had left, I scolded him. I said, “Why
did you say all these things to him'*? Thus rebuked, he

30

wept and said, “Alas! for your sake I could^beg from
door to door.” He tamed us by his love.

Even before the period of mourning (after my father's
death) was over 1 had to knock about in search of a job.
Starving and barefooted I wandered from office to office
under the scorching noon-day sun with an application in
my hand; one or two intimate friends, who sympathised
with me in my misfortunes, accompanying me sometimes.
But everywhere the door was slammed in my face. This
first contact with the reality of life convinced me that
unselfish sympathy was a rarity in the world. There was
no place in it for the weak, the poor and the destitute. I
noticed that those who only a few days ago would have
been proud to help me in any way, now turned their face
against me, though they had enough and to spare. Seeing
all this, the world sometimes seemed to me to be the
handiwork of the devil. One day, weary and footsore, I
sat down in the shade of the Ochterlony monument in the
Maidan. Some friends of mine happened to be there,
one of whom sang a song about the overflowing grace of
God, perhaps to comfort me. It was like a terrible blow
on my head. I remembered the helpless condition of my
mother and brothers, and exclaimed in bitter anguish and
despondency, “Will you please stop that song? such
fancies may be pleasing to those who are born with a
silver spoon in their mouth and have no starving relatives
at home. Yes, there was a time when I too thought like
that. But today, before the hard facts of life, it sounds
like grim mockery." My friend must have been wounded^
How could he fathom the dire misery that had forced

31

these words out of my mouth ? Some times when I found
that there were not enough provisions for the family and
my purse was empty, I would pretepd to my mother that
I had an invitation to dine out and remain practically
without food. Out of self-respect I could not disclose
the fact to others. My rich friends sometimes requested
me to come to their homes and gardens to sing. I had to
comply when I could not avoid it. I did not feel inclined
to express my woes before them nor did they try them¬
selves to find out my difficulties. A few among them
sometimes used to ask me, "Why do you look so pale and
weak today?" Only one of them came to know about
my poverty without my knowledge, and now and then
sent anonymous help to my mother by which act of kind¬
ness he put me under a deep debt of gratitude.

Some of my old friends who earned their livelihood
by unfair means asked me to join them. A few among
them who had been compelled to follow this dubious way
of life by sudden turns of fortune, as in my case, really
felt sympathy for me. There were other troubles also.
Various temptations came in my way. A rich woman
sent me an ugly proposal to end my days of penury which
I sternly rejected with scorn. Another woman also made
similar overtures to me. I said to her "You have wasted
your life, seeking the pleasures of the flesh. The dark
shadows of death are before you. Have you done any¬
thing to face that ? Give up all these filthy desires and
remember God."

In spite of all these troubles, however, I never lo$t
faith in the existence of God nor in His Divine Merqr.

32

Every morning takfhg His name I got up and went out in
search of a joby 'One day my mother overheard me and
said bitterly, “‘‘Hush .you fool, you are crying yourself
hoarse for God from your childhood, and what has He
done for you?” I was stung to the quick. Doubt crossed

my mind, ‘‘Does God really exist?” I thought, ‘‘and if so
does He really hear the fervent prayer of man? Then why
is there so much woe in His benign Kingdom? Why
does Satan rule in the realm of Merciful God?” Pandit

Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar’s words, ‘If God is good and
gracious, why then do millions of people die for want of
a few morsels of food at times of famine ?’ rang in my ears
with bitter irony. I was exceedingly cross with God. It

was also the most opportune moment for doubt to creep
into my heart.

It was ever against my nature to do anything secretly.
On the contrary it was a habit with me from my boyhood
not to hide^ even my thoughts from others through fear
or anything else. So it was quite natural for me now to
proceed to prove before the world that God was a myth
or that even if He existed, to call upon Him was fruitless.
Soon the report gained currency that I was an atheist and
did not scruple to drink or even frequent houses of ill
fame. This unmerited calumny hardened my heart still
more. I openly declared that in this .miserable world
there was nothing reprehensible in a man, who seeking
for a brief respite, would resort to anything. Not only
that, but if I was once convinced of the efficacy of such a
course I would not, through fear of anybody, shrink from
following it.

33

"I hate this world, this dream, this horrible night¬
mare, with its churches and chicaneries, its books and
blackguardisms - its fair faces and false hearts - its
howling righteousness on the surface and utter hollowness
beneath and, above all, its sanctified shopkeeping."

March 2,1884 : I am now studying the views of the
atheists. A garbled report of the matter soon reached
the ears of the Master and his devotees in Calcutta.
Some of these came to me to have a first hand knowledge
of the situation and hinted to me that they believed in
some of the rumours at least. A sense of wounded pride
filled my heart on finding that they could think me so
low. In an exasperated mood I gave them to understand
plainly that it was cowardice to believe in God through
fear of hell and argued with them as to His existence’
or non-existence quoting several Western philosophers in
support. The result was that they took leave of me
with the conviction that I was hopelessly lost, and I was
glad. I thought, Sri Ramakrishna perhaps also would
believe that and this thought filled me with uncontrollable
pique "Never mind", I said to myself, "if the good or bad
opinion of a man rests upon such flimsy foundation, I
don’t care”. But I was amazed to hear later that the
Master had, at first, received the report coldly, without
expressing an opinion one way or the other. And when
one of his favourite disciples, Bhavanath, said to him
with tears in his eyes, "Sir, I could not even dream that
Narendra could stoop so low.” He was furious and said,
"Hush you fool, the Mother has told me that it can never
be so. I shan’t be able to look at you if you speak to
me again like that.”

34

But notwithstanding these forced atheistic views, the
vivid memory of the Divine Visions I had experienced
since my boyhood, and especially after my contact with
Sri Ramakrishna, would lead me to think that God must
exist and there must be some way to realise Him.
Otherwise life would be meaningless. In the midst of
all troubles and tribulations I must find that way. Days
passed, and the mind continued to waver between doi\bt
and certainty. My pecuniary wants also remained just
the same.

The summer was over, and the rains set in. The
search for a job still went on. One evening, after a whole
day’s fast and exposure to rain I was returning home with
tired limbs and a jaded mind and overpowered with
exhaustion and unable to move a step forward, I sank
down on the outer plinth of a house on the roadside.

I can’t say whether I was insensible for a time or not.
Various thoughts crowded in my mind and I was too
weak to drive them off and fix my attention on a particu¬
lar thing. Suddenly I felt as if by some Divine Power the
coverings of my soul were removed one after another.
All my former doubts regarding the co-existence of
Divine Justice and Mercy and the presence of misery in
the creation of a Blissful Providence, were automatically
solved. By a deep introspection I found the meaning of
it all and was satisfied. As I proceeded homewards I
found there was no trace of fatigue in the body and the
mind was refreshed with wonderful strength and peace.
The night was well-nigh over.

35

Henceforth I became deaf to the praise and blame
of worldly people. I was convinced that I was not born
like others to earn money and maintain my family much
less to strive for sense pleasures. I began secretly to
prepare to renounce the world like my grandfather. I
fixed a day for the purpose and was glad to hear that the
Master was to come to Calcutta that very day. “It is
lucky ” I thought; “I shall leave the world with the
blessings of my Guru”. As soon as I met the Master
he pressed me hard to spend that night with him at
Dakshineshwar. I made various excuses, but to no
purpose. I had to accompany him. There was not much
talk in the carriage. Reaching Dakshineshwar I was
seated for some time in his room along with others,
when he went into a trance. Presently he drew near me
and touching me with great tenderness, began to sing a
song, with tears in his eyes. I had repressed my feelings
so long but they now overflowed in tears. The
meaning of the song was too apparent. He knew of my
intentions. The audience marvelled at the exchange of
feeling between us. When the Master regained his normal
mood, some of them asked the reason of it, and he
replied with a smile, “Oh,*it was something between
him and me 1” Then at night he dismissed the others
and calling me to his side said, “I know you have come
for the Mother’s work and won’t be able to remain in
the world. But fot my sake, stay as long as I live.” Saying
this he burst into tears again. The next day with his
permission I returned home. A thousand thoughts about
the maintenance of the family assailed me. I began to
look about again for a living.

Cfiowj I was in want of food and had to work hard
besides. Oh the tremendous labour!

36

By working in an attorney's office and translating
a few books, I got just enough means to live from hand
to mouth, but it was not permanent and there was no

fixed income to maintain my mother and brothers, .r r

/■

One day the idea struck me that God listened to Sri
Ramakrishna’s prayers. So why should I not ask him to
pray for me for the removal of my pecuniary wants, a
favour the master would never deny me. I hurried to
Dakshineshwar and insisted on his making the appeal on
behalf of my starving family. He said, “ My boy, I can’t
make such demands. But why don’t you go and ask the
Mother yourself? All your sufferings are due to your
disregard of Her.” I said, “ I do not know the mother,
you speak to Her on my behalf. You must.” He replied
tenderly, 44 My dear boy, I have done so again and again.
But you do not accept Her, so she does not grant my
prayer. All right, it is Tuesday-go to the Kali temple
to night, prostrate yourself before the mother and ask
Her any boon you like. It shall be granted. She is know¬
ledge Absolute, the Inscrutable Power of Brahman and
by Her mere will she has given birth to this world. Every¬
thing is in Her power to give”. I believed every word and
eagerly waited for the night. About 9 O’ Clock, the
Master cammanded me to go to the temple. As I went I
was filled with a Divine intoxication. My feet were un¬
steady. Myl heart was leaping in anticipation of the joy
of beholding the living Goddess and hearing Her words.
I was full of the idea. Reaching the temple as I cast my
eyes upon the image, I actually found that the Divine
Mother was living and conscious, the Perennil Fountain of

37

Divine Love and Beauty. I was caught in a surging wave
of devotion and love. In an ecstacy of joV^prostrated
myself again and again before the Mother arid prayed,
"Mother, give me discrimination! Give me renunciation
give me knowledge and devotion, grant that I may have an
uninterrupted vision of Thee!” A serene peace reigned
in my soul. The world was forgotten. Only the Divine
Mother shone within my heart.

As soon as I returned, Sri Ramakrishna asked me if
1 had prayed to the Mother for a removal of my worldly
wants. I was startled at this question and said, "No,
Sir; I forgot all about it. But is there any remedy now?"
"Go again," said he, "and tell Her about your wants”. I
again set out for the temple, but at the sight of the
Mother again forgot my mission, bowed to Her repeat¬
edly and prayed only for love and devotion. The Master
asked if I had done it the second time. I told him what
had happened. He said, "How thoughtless! couldn’t you
restrain yourself enough to say those few words? Well
try once more and make that prayer to Her. Quick!".
I went for the third time, but on entering the temple a
terrible shame overpowered me. I thought, "What a
trifle have I come to pray to the Mother about! It is like
asking a gracious king for a few vegetables! What a fool
I am! In shame and remorse I bowed to Her respectfully
and said, "Mother, I want nothing but knowledge and
devotion". Coming out of the temple I understood that
all this was due to Sri Ramakrishna's will. Otherwise
how could I fail in my object po less than thrice? I came
to him and said "Sir, it is you who have cast a charm

38

over my mind and made me forgetful. Now please grant
me, the boon that my people at home may no longer
suffer the pinch of poverty!" He said, “Such a prayer
never comes from my lips. I asked you to pray for yourself,
but you couldn’t do it. It appears that you are not des¬
tined to enjoy worldly happiness. Well, I can’t help it.’’
But I wouldn’t let him go. I insisted on his granting that
prayer at last afSi said, “Ail right, your people at home
will never be in want of plain food and clothing." 1

Sri Ramakrishna was the only person who ever since
he bad met me believed in me uniformly throughout.
Even my Mother and brothers did not do so. It was his
unflinching trust and love for me that bound me to him
for ever. He alone knew how iJe- lovely another'
Worldly people only make a show of love for selfish
ends.

It is/'jpossible to give others even an idea of the
inneffable joy we derived from the presence of the Mas¬
ter. It is really beyond our understanding how he
Would give us training, though unconsciously on our part,
through fun and play and thus mould our spiritual life.
As the master athlete proceeds with great caution and
restraint with the beginner, now overpowering him in
the struggle with great difficulty, as it were, again own¬
ing defeat at his hands to strengthen his spirit of self-
reliance; in exactly the same manner did Sri Rama¬
krishna treat us. Realising that in all exists the Atman
which is the source of infinite strength, in every indivi¬
dual, pigmy though he might be, he was able to see the
potential giant. He could clearly discern the latent

39

spiritual power which would in the fulness of time mani¬
fest itself. Holding that bright picture before us, he
would speak highly of us and encourage us. Again, he
would warn us lest we should frustrate this future con¬
summation by becoming entangled in worldly desires,
and further, he would keep us under control by carefully
observing even the minute details of our life. All this
was done silently and unobtrusively. That was the great
secret of his training of the disciples and moulding of
their lives,/Once I felt that I could not practice deeper
concentration in meditation. I told him of it and sought
his advice and direction. He told me his personal
experiences in the matter and gave me instructions. I
remember that as I sat down to meditate during the
early hours of the morning, my mind would be disturbed
and diverted by the shrill note of the whistle of a neigh¬
bouring jute mill. I told him about it and he advised
me to concentrate my mind on the very sound of the
whistle. I followed his advice and derived from it much
benefit. On another occasion I felt great difficulty in
totally forgetting my body during meditation and con¬
centrating the mind wholly on the ideal. I went to him
for counsel and he gave me the very instruction which
he himself had received from Tota Puri while practising
Samadhi at the time of his Vedantic Sadhana.

He sharply pressed between my two eyebrows with
his finger nail and said, “Now concentrate your mind on
this painful sensation!” As a result I found I could con¬
centrate the mind easily on that sensation as long as I
liked and during that period, I completely forgot the
consciousness of other parts of my body, not to speak

40

of their causing any distraction in the way of my medi¬
tation. The solitude of the Panchavati, associated with
the various spiritual realisations of the Master, was also
the suitable place for our meditation. Besides, medita¬
tion and spiritual exercises, we used to spend a good
deal of time there in sheer fun and merry-making. Sri
Ramakrishna also joined with us and by taking a part
enhanced our innocent pleasure. We used to run and
skip about, climb on the trees, swing from the creepers
and at times hold merry picnics.

On the first day of the picnic the Master noticed
that I myself had cooked the food and he partook of it.
I knew that he could not take food unless it was cooked
by Brahmins, and, therefore, I had arranged for his meal
at the Kali Temple. But he said, "It won’t be wrong for
me to take food from such a pure soul like yourself!"
Inspite of my repeated remonstrations, he enjoyed the
food cooked by me that day.

He loved me so much! But whenever an impure
idea crept into my mind, he at once knew it. While
going round with Annada, sometimes I found myself in
the company of evil people. On those occasions, the
Master could not eat any food from my hands. He
could raise his hand only a little but could not bring it
to his mouth. On one such occasion, while he was ill,
he brought his hand very close to his mouth, but it did
not go in. He said to me, "You are not yet ready".

How many times he prayed to the Divine Mother for
my sake! After my fathers death when I had no food

41

at home, and ray mother and sisters and brothers were
starving too, the Master prayed to the Divine Mother to
give me money. But I didn’t get any money. The
Master told me what the Divine Mother had said to
him: "He would get simple food and clothing.”

How I used to hate Kali and all Her ways! That
was the ground of my six years* fight - that I could not
accept Her. But I had to accept Her at last! Rama-
krishna Paramahamsa dedicated me to Her, and I now
believe that She guides me in everything I do, and does
with me what She will-** Yet I fought so long! I loved
him (the Master) you see, and that was what held me.
I saw his marvellous purity.** I felt his wonderful love.
His greatness had not dawned on me then. All that
came afterwards, when I had given in. At that time I
thought him a brain-sick baby, always seeing visions and
the rest. All that I hated. And then I too had to
accept Her !

No, Ithe thing that made me - do it is a secret
which will diejwith me. I had great misfortunes at that
time... It was anlopportunity... She made a slave of me.
Those were the very words - "a slave of you.” And
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa made me over to Her...
Strange! He lived only two years after doing that, and
most of the time he was suffering. Not more than six
months did he keep his own health and brightness.

Indeed, I was, in a fix in trying to explain to the
Master one day the meaning of ’blind faith*. I could find
no [meaning for the expression. I gave up using that

42

phrase since then, as I was convinced of the truth of the
Master's contention.

March 1, 1885 : I go to the house of Girish Ghose now
and then. He has given up his old associates.
Nowadays Girish Ghosh thinks of nothing but
spiritual things.

i

Oct 271885: We think of him (Sri Ramakrishna) as
a person who is like God. Do you know what
it is like ? There is a point between the vagetable
creation and the animal creation where it is
very difficult to determine whether a particular
thing is a vegetable or an animal. Likewise,
there is a stage between the man-world and the
God-world where it is extremly hard to say
whether a person is a man or a God. I do not
say he is God. What I am saying is that he is a
God-like man. We offer worship to him
bordering on divine worship.

/i

^ Dec . 23, 1885 I have been thinking of going there
(to Dakshineshwar) today. I intend to light
a fire under the bel-tree and meditate. I shall
feel greatly relieved if I find a medicine that
will make me forget all I have studied.

I was meditating here (Cossipore garden-house where
the Master was then staying for health reasons) last
Saturday when suddenly I felt a peculiar sensation in
my heart.

43

Probably, it was the awakening of the Kundalini. I
clearly perceived the Ida and the Pingala nerves. I
asked Hazra to feel my chest. Yesterday I saw him
(Sir Ramakrishna) upstairs and told him about it. I
said to him, “All the others have had their realisation,
please give me some. All have succeeded; shall I alone
remain unsatisfied?” He said, “Why don’t you settle
yQur family affairs first and then come to me? You will
get.everything. What do you want?” I replied, “It is my
desire to remain absorbed in Samadhi continually for
three or four days, only once in a while coming down to
the sense plane to eat a little food.” Thereupon he said
to me, “You are a very small-minded person. There is
a state higher even than that (Samadhi). 'All that exists
art Thou*, it is you who sing that song 1 Settle your
family affairs and then come to me. You will attain a
state higher than Samadhi”. I went home. My people
scolded me saying, “Why do you wander about like a
vagabond? Your law examination is near at hand, and
you are not paying any attention to your studies. You
wander about aimlessly.” My mother did not say any¬
thing. She was eager to feed me. She gave me venison.
I ate a little, though I didn't feel like eating meat.

I went to my study at my grandmother’s. As I tried
to read I was seized rtith a great fear, as if studying were
a terrible thing. My heart struggled within me. I burst
into tears; I never wept so bitterly in my life. I left my
books and ran away. I ran along the streets. My shoes
slipped from my feet - I didn't know where. I ran past
haystack and got hay all over me. I kept on running
along the road to Cossipore.

44

Since reading the Vivekachudamani I have felt very
much depressed. In it Sankaracharya says that only
through great tapasya and good fortune does one acquire
these three things : a human birth, the desire for libera¬
tion, and refuge with a great soul. I said to myself : ‘I
have surely gained all these three. As a result of great
tapasya, I have been born a human being; through great
tapasya, again, I have the desire for liberarion; a*nd
through great tapasya, I have secured the companionship
of such a great soul.’

January 5, 1886 : A friend who came here (Cossi-
pore) said he would lend me a hundred rupees.
That will take care of the family for three
months. I am going home to make that arrange¬
ment.

Oh, very poor, almost starving all the time. I was
the only hope of the family, the only one who could do
anything to help them. I had to stand between my two
worlds. On one hand, I would have to see my mother
and brothers starve unto death; on the other, I believed
that this man’s (Sri Ramakrishna’s) ideas were for the
good of India, and the world, and had to be preached
and worked out. And so, the fight went on in my mind
for days and months. Sometimes, I would pray for five
or six days and nights together, without stopping. Oh,
the angony of those days! I was living in hell! The
natural affection of my boy’s heart drawing me to my
family - I could not bear to see those who were the
nearest and dearest to me suffering. On the other hand
nobody to sympathise with me. Who would sympathise

45

with the imaginations of a boy? Imaginations that
caused so much suffering to others l Who would sympa¬
thise with me? None.

Has anybody seen God as I see that tree? Sri
Ramakrishna’s experience may be his hallucination. I
want truth. The other day I had a great argument with
Ssi Ramakrishna himself. He said to me, “Some people
call me God”. I replied, “Let a thousand people call
you God, but I shall certainly not call you God as long
as I do not know it to be true”. He said, “Whatever
many people say is indeed truth; that is dharma.”
Thereupon, I replied, “Let others proclaim a thing as
truth, but I shall certainly not listen to them unless I
myself realize it as truth.”

April 23 , 1886: How amazing it is ! One learns
hardly anything, though one reads book for
many years. How can a man realise God by
practising Sadhana for two or three days ? Is it
easy to realise God ? I have no peace.

Staying in the Cossipore garden, Sri Ramakrishna
said to us, “The Divine Mother showed me that all of
these are not my inner devotees.” Sri Ramakrishna said
so, that day, with respect to both his men and women
devotees.

Once I came to know about my true Self in Nirvi-
kalpa Samadhi at the Cossipore garden-house. In that
experience, I felt that I had no body. I could see only
my face. The Master was in the upstairs room. I had
that experience downstairs. I was weeping. I said.

46

“What has happened to me?” The elder Gopal went to
the Master’s room and said. “Naren is crying.” When
I saw the Master he said to me, “Now you have known.
But, I am going to keep the key with me”. I said to him
“What is it that happened to me?” Turning to the devo¬
tees, he said, “He will not keep his body if he knows who
he is. But I have put a veil over his eyes.”

One day, in Cossipore garden, I had expressed my
prayer to Sri Ramakrishna with great earnestness. Then,
in the evening, at the hour of meditation, I lost the cons¬
ciousness of the body, and felt that it was absolutely
non-existent. I felt that sun, moon, space, time, ether
and all that melted far away into the unknown; the body
consciousness had almost vanished, and I had nearly
merged in the Supreme. But I had just a trace of the
feeling of Ego, so I could again return to the world of
relativity from the Samadhi. In this statd of Samadhi
all the differences between T and ‘Brahman’ go away;
everything is reduced to unity, like the waters of the
Infinite Ocean, - water everywhere, nothing else exists -
language and thought, all fail there.

After that experience, even after trying repeatedly,
I failed to bring back the state of Samadhi. On inform¬
ing Sri Ramakrishna about it, he said, “If you remain
day and night in that state, the work of the Divine
Mother will not be accomplished; therefore, you won’t
be able to induce that state again; when your work is
finished, it will come again!”

Sri Ramakrishna used to say that Avataras alone
can descend to the ordinary plane from that state of

47

Samadhi, for the good of the world. Ordinary jivas do
not; immersed in that state, they remain alive for a
period of 21 days; after that, their body drops like a sere
leaf from the tree of Samsara.

All the philosophy and scriptures have come from
the plane of relative knowledge of subject and object.
E^ut, no thought or language of the human mind can
fu(Jy express the Reality which lies beyond the plane of
relative knowledge ! Science, Philosophy, etc. are only
partial truth; so, they can never be the adequate chan¬
nels of expression for the transcendent reality. Hence,
viewed from the transcendent standpoint, everything
appears to be unreal - religious creeds and works, I and
thou, and the universe - everything is unreal f Then
only it is perceived that I am the only reality - ‘I am the
all * pervading Atman and I am the proof of my own exis¬
tence ! Where is the room for a separate proof to estab¬
lish the reality of my existence ? I am, as the scriptures
says, sriwcn" - always known to myself as the

eternal subject. I have actually seen that state,
realised it.

It happened when I used to meditate before a lighted
fire under a tree at the Cossipore garden house. One
day, while meditating, I asked Kali (later Abhedananda)
to hold my hand. Kali said to me, “When I touched
your body, I felt someting like an electric shock coming
to my body.”

Now all the ideas that I preach are only an attempt
to echo his (Sri Ramakrishna’s) ideas. Nothing is mine
originally. Every word that I have ever uttered which is

48

true and good is simply an attempt to echo his voice.
Read his life by Prof. Max Muller.

Well, there at his feet I conceived these ideas — there*
with some other young men. I was just a boy. I went
there (to Sri Ramakrishna) when I was about sixteen.
Some of the other boys were still younger, some a little
older — about a dozen or more. And together we conca¬
ved that this ideal had to be spread. And not only sprc#d^
but made practical. That is to say, we must show the
spirituality of the Hindus, the mercifulness of the Bud¬
dhists, the activity of the Christians, the brotherhood of
the Mahommedans, by our practical lives. “We shall
start a universal religion now and here,” he said, “we will
not wait.”

Our teacher was an old man who could never touch
a coin with his hands. He took just the little food offered,
just so many yards of cotton cloth, no more. He could
never be induced to take any other gift. With all these
marvellous ideas, he was strict, because that made him
free. The monk in India is the friend of the prince today,
dines with him; and tomorrow he is with the beggar,
sleeps under a tree.

He (our teacher) used to call me Narayan and he
loved me intensely, which made many quite jealous of me.
He knew one’s character by sight, and never changed his
opinion. He could perceive, as it were, supersensual
things, while we try to know one’s character by reason,
with the result that our judgements are often fallacious.
He called some persons his Antarangas or belonging to

49

the 1 inner circle * and he used to teach them the secrets
of his own nature and those of yoga. To the outsiders
or Bahirangas, he taught those parables now known as
‘Sayings.’ He used to prepare those youngmen (the
former class ) for his work, and though many complained
to him about them, he paid no heed. I may have perhaps
a better opinion of a Bahiranga than an Antaranga
though his actions, but I have a superstitious regard for
the Jatter. “ Love me, love my dog,” as they say. I love
that Brahmin priest. ( our teacher ) intensely, and,
therefore, love whatever he used to love, whatever he
used to regard! He was afraid about me that I might
create a sect, if left to myself.

He used to say to some, “ You will not attain spiritua¬
lity in this life. He sensed everything, and this will
explain his a]
used to see

“ inner circle ” were allowed to sleep in his room. It is
not true that those who have not seen him will not
attain salvation; neither is it true that a man who has
seen him thrice will attain Mukti.

, A

some^He, as a scientist,
?nt. None except the

It has become a trite saying that idolatry is wrong,
and every man swallows it at the present time without
questioning. I once thought so, and to pay the penalty
of that, I had to learn my lesson sitting at the feet of a
man who realized everything through idols; I allude to
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, my teacher, my master, my
hero, my ideal, my God in life.

Despite the many iniquities that have found entrance
into the practices of image-worship as it is in vogue now,

50

I do not condemn it. Aye, where whould I have been if
I had not been blessed with the dust of the holy feet of
that orthodox, image- worshipping Brahmin I

When my Master, Sri Ramakrishna, fell ill, a Brah¬
min suggested to him that he apply his tremendous men¬
tal power to cure himself; he said that if my Master
would only concentrate his mind on the diseased part of
the body it would heal. Sri Ramakrishna answered,
“ What! bring down the mind that I have given to God;
to this little body ? ” He refused to think of body and
illness. His mind was continually conscious of God;
it was dedicated to him utterly. He would not use it
for any other purpose.

Am I able to sit quiet ? Two or three days before Sri
Ramakrishna’s passing away, She whom he used to call
‘ Kali ’ entered this body ( of mine ). It is She who takes
me here and there and makes me work; without letting
me remain quiet, or allowing me to look to my personal
comforts.

No, I am not speaking metaphorically. Two or three
days before his leaving the body, he called me to his side
one day, and asking me to sit before him, looked stead¬
fastly at me and fell into Samadhi. Then. I really felt that
a subtle force like an electric shock was entering my bodyl
In a little while, I also lost outward consciousness and
sat motionless. How long I stayed in that condition I do
not remember; when consciousness returned I found Sri
Ramakrishna shedding tears. On questioning him, he
answered me affectionately, “ Today, giving you my all, I

51

have become a beggar. With this power, you are to do
many works for the world's good before you return,*

i

Yes, Sri Ramakrishna did say out of his own Jips that
he was God, the all-perfect Brahman, so many times.
And he said this to all of us. One day while he was stay¬
ing at the Cossipore garden, his body in imminent danger
of falling off for ever, by the side of his bed I was saying
in n\y mind, “Well, now if you can declare that you are
God, then only will I belive you are really God Himself h

It was only two days before he passed away. Immedi¬
ately he looked upwards, all on a sudden and said, *He who
was Rama, He who was Krishna, verily is He now Rama¬
krishna in this body. And that not from the standpoint of
your Vedanta !* At this, I was struck dumb. Even we have¬
n't had yet the perfect faith, after hearing it again and again
from the holy lips of our Lord himself—our minds still get
disturbed now and then with doubt and despair — and so,
what shall we speak of others being slow to believe ? It is
indeed a very difficult matter to be able to declare and
belive a man with a body like ours to be a God Himself.
We may just go the length of declaring him to be "a per¬
fected one", or ‘a knower of Brahman*. Well, it matters
nothing, whatever you may call him and think of him, a
Saint or a Knower of Brahman. Never did come to this
earth such an all-perfect man as Sri Ramakrishna 1 In the
utter darkness of the world, this great man is like the
shining pillar of illumination in this age 1 And by hi&
light alone will man now cross the ocean of Samsara!

In Girish Chandra Ghosh alone I have seen, that true
Resignation - that true spirit of a servant of the Lor^.

52

And was it not because he was ever reedy to sacrifice
himself that Sri Ramakrishna took upon himself all his
responsibility? What a unique spirit of resignation to
the Lord? I have not met his parallel. From him have
I learnt the lesson of self-surrender.

I am a disciple of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, a per¬
fect Sannyasin, under whose influence and ideas I fell.
This great Sannyasin never assumed the negative or
critical attitude towards other religions, but showed
their positive side - how they could be carried into life
and practised.

It was given to me to live with a man who was as
ardent a Dualist, as ardent an Advaitist, as ardent a
Bhakta and a Jnani. And living with this man first put
into my head to understand the Upanishads and the text
of the scriptures from an independent and better basis
than by blindly following the commentators; and in my
researches, I came to the conclusion that these texts are
not all contradictory.

Never during his life did he (Sri Ramakrishna)
refuse a single prayer of mine; millions of offences has he
forgiven me; such great love even my parents never
had for me. There is no poetry, no exaggeration in all
this. It is the bare truth and every disciple of his knows
it. In times of great danger, great temptation, I have
wept in extreme agony with the prayer, “O God, do
save me/', and no response has come from anybody; but
this wonderful saint, or Avatara or anything that he
may be, has come to know of all my affliction through
his powers of insight into human hearts and has lifted ig

53

off - in spite of my desire to the contrary - after getting
me brought to his presence ... Him alone I have found in
this world to be like an ocean of unconditioned mercy.

Time and again, have I received in this life the
marks of his grace. He stands behind and gets all the
work done by me. When lying helpless under a tree in an
agony of hunger, when I had not even a scrap of cloth
iofkaupin, when I was resolved on travelling penniless
round the world, even then help came in, always by the
grace of Sri Ramakrishna. And again when crowds
jostled with one another in the streets of Chicago to
have sight of this Vivekananda, then also I could digest
without difficulty all the honours - a hundredth part of
which would have been enough to turn mad aipr ordi¬
nary man - because I had his grace, and by his will,
victory followed everywhere.

He (Sri Ramakrishna) was all Bhakti without, but
within he was all Jnana; I am all Jnana without, but
within my heart, it is all Bhakti. All that has been weak
has been mine. All that has been life-giving, strengthen¬
ing pure and bold, has been his inspiration, his words

¥

and he himself.

If there has been anything achieved by me, by
thoughts, or words, or deeds, if from my lips has ever
alien one word that has helped anyone in the world, I
lay no claim to it; it was his. But if there have been
curses falling from my lips, if there has been hatred
coming out of me, it is all mine and not his.

54

Sri Ramakrishna himself is his own parallel. Has he
any exemplar? Truly, I tell you, I have understood him
(Sri Ramakrishna) very little. He appears to me to '
have been so great that whenever 1 have to speak any¬
thing about him, 1 am afraid lest 1 should ignore or explain
away the truth, lest my little power should not suffice,
lest in trying to extol him I should present his picture
by painting him according to my lights and be little him
thereby!

*

Sri Ramakrishna's was a different case. What com¬
parison can there be between him and ordinary men ?
He practised in his life all the different ideals of religions
to show that each of them leads but to the. One Truth
Shall you or I ever be able to do all thatVnas done?
None of us jSSt understood him fully, oo I do not
venture to speak about him anywhere and everywhere.
He only knows what he really was; his frame was a
human one only, but everything else about him was
entirely different from others.

The fact is that Sri Ramakrishna is not exactly what
the ordinary followers have comprehended him to be.
He had infinite moods and phases. Thousands of Vive-
kanandas may spring forth through one gracious glance
of his eyes! 6ut instead of doing that he has chosen to
get things done this time through me as bis single instru¬
ment, and what can I do in this matter ?

Verily, verly, 1 say unco you he who wanes Him finds Him,
Go and verify it in your life. Try for thief* days, try with
genuine earnestness and you are sure to succeed.

- SRI RAMAKRISHNA.

To be good and to do good - that is the whole of religion. ' ,

— SWAMI VIVEKANANDAi

55

CHAPTER IN

SRI RAMAKRISHNA, MY MASTER.

When by the process of time, fallen from the true
ideals and rules of conduct and devoid of the spirit of
renunciation, addicted only to blind usages and degraded
in intellect, the descendants of the Aryans failed to appre¬
ciate even the spirit of the Puranas etc., which taught
men of ordinary intelligence the abstruse truths of the
Vedanta in concrete form and diffuse language, and
appeared antagonistic to one another on the surface,
because of each inculcating with special emphasis only
particular aspects of the spiritual ideal, - and when, as a
consequence, they reduced India, the fair land of religion,
to a scene of almost infernal confusion by breaking up
piecemeal the one Eternal Religion of the Vedas (Sana-
tana Dharma), the grand synthesis of all the aspects of
the spiritual ideals, into conflicting sects and by seeking
to sacrifice one another in the flames of sectarian hatred
and intolerence, - then, it was that Sri Bhagavan Rama-
krishna incarnated himself in India to demonstrate what
the true religion of the Aryan race is; to show where
amidst all its many division and offshoots scattered
over the land in the course of its immemorial history,
lies the true unity of the Hindu religion, which, by its
overwhelming number of sects discordant to superficial
view, quarreling constantly with each other and abound¬
ing in customs divergent in every way, has constituted
itself into a misleading enigma for our countrymen and
the butt of contempt for foreigners and above all, to
hold up before men, for their lasting welfare, as a living

56

embodiment of the Sana tana Dharma, his own wonder¬
ful life into which he infused the universal spirit and
character of this Dharma so long cast into oblivion by
the process of time.

The Lord, though the very embodiment of the Ve¬
das, in this His new incarnation has thoroughly discarded
all external forms of learning.

This new despensation of the age is the source of
great good to the whole world, specially to India; and
the inspirer of this dispensation, Sri Bhagavan Rama-
krishna, is the reformed and remodelled manifestation of
all the past great epoch-makers in religion. O man,
have faith in this, and lay it to heart.

Every new religion? wave requires a new centre.
The old religion can only be revivified by a new centre.
Hang your dogmas or doctrines, they never pay ! It is
a character, a life, a centre, a God-man that must lead
the way, that must be the centre round which all other
elements will- gather themselves and then fall like a
tidal wave upon the society, carrying all before it, washing
away all impurities.

Again, a piece of wood can only easily be cut along
the grain. So the old Hinduism can only be reformed
through Hinduism, and not through the new-fangled
reform movements. At the same time, the reformers
must be able to unite in themselves the culture of both
the East and the West. Now you have already seen
the nucleus of such a great movement, that you have
heard the low rumblings of the coming tidal wave. That
centre, that God-man to lead was born in India. He was
the great Ramakrishna Paramabamsa,

57

Sankara had a great head, Ramanuja had large heart:
and the time was ripe for one to be born, the embodiment
of both this head and heart; the time was ripe for one to
be born who in one body would have the brilliant intellect
of Sankara and the wonderfully expansive infinite heart
of Chaitanya, one who would see in every sect the same
spirit working, the same God; one who would see God in
every being; one whose heart would weep for the poor,
for the weak, for the outcast, for the downtrodden, for
everyone in this world, inside India or outside India, and
bring a marvellous harmony, the universal religion of head
and heart into existence; such a man was born, and I bad
the good fortune to sit at his feet for years.

It was while reforms of various kinds were being
inaugurated in India, that a child was born of poor Brah¬
min parents on the I8th of February 1836, in one of the
remote villages of Bengal. The father and mother were
very orthodox people. Very poor they were, and yet
many a time the mother would starve herself a whole day
to help a poor man. Of them, this child was born, and
he was a peculiar child from very boyhood. He remem¬
bered his past from his birth, and was conscious for what
purpose he came into the world, and every power was
devoted to the fulfilment of that purpose.

While he was quite young, his father died. The boy 1
was sent to school. He was peculiar, for after a few days
he said, “I will not go to school any more.” And he did
not; that was the end of bis going to school. But this
boy had an elder brother, a learned professor, who took"
him to Calcutta, to study with him. After a short titi^V

the boy became fully convinced that the aim of all secular
learning was mere material advancement and nothing
more, and he resolved to give up study and devote him¬
self solely to the pursuit of spiritual knowledge. The
father being dead, the family was very poor, and this boy
had to make his own living. He went to a place near Cal¬
cutta and became a temple priest.

In the temple was an image of the “Blissfull Mother.’*
This boy had to conduct the worship morning and evening
and by degrees, this one idea filled his mind: “Is there
anything behind this image? Is it true that there is
a Mother of Bliss in the universe? Is it true that She
lives and guides this universe, or is it all a dream? Is there
any reality in religion ?”

This idea took possession of the boy and his whole
life became concentrated upon that. Day after day, he
would weep and say : “Mother, is it true that Thou exis-
test, or is it all poetry? Is the Blissful Mother an imagi¬
nation of poets and misguided people, or is there such a
Reality?” We have seen that of books, of education in our
sense of the word, he had none; and so much the more
natural, so much the more healthy was his mind, so much
purer his thoughts, undiluted by drinking in the thoughts
of others. Because he did not go to the university, there¬
fore, he thought for himself. Well has Prof. Max Muller
said in his article, 'A real Mahatman’, that this was a
clean, original man, and the secret of that originality was
that he was not brought up within the precincts of a uni¬
versity. However, this thought — whether God can be
seen—which was uppermost in his mind gained in strength

59

every day, until be could think of nothing else. He could
no more conduct the worship properly, could no more
attend to the various details in all their minuteness,
Often he would forget to place the food-offering before
the image, sometimes he would forget to wave the light*
at other times, he would wave it for hours, and forget
everything else.

a

' And that one idea was in his mind every day - “Is it
true that Thou existest, O Mother ? Why dost Thou not
speak? Art Thou dead?” At last, it became impossible
for him to serve in the temple. He left it and entered
into a little wood that was near and lived there. About
this part of his life, he told me many times; he could not
tell when the sun rose or set, or how he lived. He lost
all thought of himself and forgot to eat. During this
period, he was lovingly watched by a relative who put into
his mouth food which he mechanically swallowed.

Days and nights thus passed with the boy. When a
whole day would pass, towards the evening, when the peal
of bells in the temples, and the voices singing, would reach
the wood, these would make the boy very sad, he would cry #
“Another day is gone in vain. Mother, and Thou hast not
come. Another day of this short life has gone and I have
not known the Truth.” In the agony of his soul, some¬
times he would rub his face against the ground and weep;
and this one prayer burst forth: “Do Thou manifest
Thyself in me, Thou Mother of Universe 1 See that I
need Thee, and nothing else!” Verily, he wanted to be
true to his own ideal. He had heard that the Mother

60

never came until everything had been given up for Her §
He had heard that the mother wanted to come to every¬
one. but they would not have Her; that people wanted
all sorts of foolish little idols to pray to, that they wanted
their own enjoyments, and not the Mother, and that the
moment they really wanted Her with their whole soul,
and nothing else, that moment She would come. So, he
began to enter into that idea, he wanted to be expct,
even on the plane of matter. So, he threw away all the
little property he had, and took a vow that he would
never touch money and this one idea *1 will not touch
money* became a part of him. It may appear to be some¬
thing occult, but even in after-life, when he was sleeping,
if I touched him with a piece of money, his hand would
become bent, and his whole body would become, as it
were, paralysed. The other idea that came into his mind
was — lust was the other enemy. Man is a soul and soul
is sexless, neither man nor woman. The idea of sex and
the idea of money were the two things, he thought, that
prevented him from seeing the Mother.

This illiterate boy, possessed of renunciation, turned
the heads of your great old Pundits. Once at the Dakshi-
neshwar Temple, the Brahmana who was in charge of the
Worship of Vishnu broke a leg of the image. Pundits
were brought together at a meeting to give their opinions,
end they, after consulting old books and manuscripts,
declared that the worship of this broken image could not
be sanctioned according to the Sastras, and a new image
would have to be consecrated. There was consequently
a great stir. Sri Ramakrishna was called at last. He

61

heard and asked, 11 Does a wife forsake her husband in
case he becomes lame ?*' What followed ? The Pandits
were struck dumb, all their Sastric commentaries and
learned comments could not withstand the force of this
simple statement. That is why Sri Ramakrishna came
down to this earth, and discouraged mere book-learning
so much. That new life-force which he brought with him
has to be instilled into learning and education.

We have seen in Sri Ramakrishna how he had ther
idea of divine motherhood in every woman, of whatever
caste she might be, or whatever might be her worth.

k 'his whole universe is the manifestation of the
er, and She was in every woman's body. “ Every
woman represents the Mother; how can I think of
woman in mere sex relation?" That was the idea. Every
woman was his Mother; he must bring himself to the
state when he would see nothing but Mother in every
woman; and he carried it out in his life.

Later on, this very man said to me, “ My child,
suppose there is a bag of gold in one room, and a robber
in the next room, do you think that robber can sleep?
He cannot. His mind will be always thinking how to
get into that room and obtain possession of that gold.
Do you think then that a man firmly persuaded that
there is a Reality behind all these appearances, that
there is a God, that there is One who never dies, One
who is infinite bliss, compared with which these plea¬
sures of the senses are simply playthings, can rest
contended without struggling to attain it? Can he cease

62

his efforts for a moment? No; he will, become mad
with longing. ” This divine madness seized the boy. At
that time, he had no teacher, nobody to tell him anything,
and everyone thought that he was out of his mind.

So days, weeks, months passed in continuous strug¬
gle of the soul to arrive at Truth. The boy began to see
visions, to see wonderful things; the secrets of his nature
were, beginning to open to him. Veil after veil was, as it
were, being taken off. Mother Herself became the
teacher, and initiated the boy into truths he sought.
At this time, there came to this place a woman, of beau¬
tiful appearance, learned beyond compare. Later on, this
Saint used to say about her that she was not learned,
but was the embodiment of learning; she was learning
itself in human form.

She was a Sannyasini, for women also give up the
world, throw away their property, do not marry, and
devote themselves to the worship of the Lord. She
came, and when she heard of this boy in the grove, she
offered to go and see him, and hers was the first help he
received. At once, she recognised what his trouble was
and she said to him, “ My son, blessed is the man upon
whom such madness comes. People may call you mad.
but yours is the right kind of madness. Blessed is the
man who is mad after God. Such men are very few."
This woman remained near the boy for years, taught him
the forms of the religions of India, initiated him into the
different practices of Yoga, and, as it were, guided and
brought into harmony this tremendous river of
spirituality.

63

Later there came to the same grove a Sannyasin, of
the begging friars of India, a learned man, a philosopher.
He was a peculiar man; he was an idealist. This man
began to teach the boy the philosophy of the Vedas, and
he found very soon, to his astonishment, that the pupil
was in some respects wiser than the master. He spent
several months with the boy, after which he initiated
him into the Order of Sannyasins, and took his departure.

* Whent^ias^temple-priest his extra-ordinary worship
made people think him deranged in his head, his relatives
took him home and married him to a little girl, thinking
that would turn his thoughts and restore the balance
of his mind.

But, he came back, and merged deeper in his mad¬
ness. The husband had entirely forgotten that he had a
wife. In her far off home, the girl heard that her hus¬
band had become a religious enthusiast, and that he was
even considered insane by many.

She resolved to learn the truth for herself; so she
set out and walked to the place where her husband was.
When at last she stood in her husband’s presence, he at
once admitted her right to be his life-partner. The
young man fell at the feet of his wife and said, "As for
me, the Mother has, shown me that She resides in every
woman, and so, I have learned to look upon every
woman as Mother. That is the one idea I can have
about you, but if you wish to draw me into the world, a*
I have been married to you, I am at your service.”

The maiden was a pure and noble soul, and was able
to understand her husband’s aspirations and sympatbiili

64

with them. She quickly told him that she had no wish
to drag him down to a life of worldliness; but that all
she desired was to remain near him, to serve him and to
learn from him. She became one of his most devoted
disciples, always revering him as a divine being. Thus,
through his wife’s consent, the last barrier was removed,
and he was free to lead the life he had chosen.

That was the woman. The husband went on'and
became a monk, in his own way; and from a distance
the wife went on helping as much as she could. And
later, when the man had become a great spiritual giant,
she came - really, she was the first disciple and she spent
the rest of her life taking care of the body of this man.
He never knew whether he was living or dying. Some¬
times when talking, he would get so absorbed that if he
sat on live charcoals, he would not know it! Live char¬
coals forgetting all about his body at the time.

The next desire that seized upon the soul of this
man was to know the truth about the various religions.
Up to that time, he had not known any religion but his
own. He wanted to understand what other religions
were like. So he sought teachers of other religions.
He found a Mahommedan Saint and went to live with
him; he underwent the disciplines prescribed by him,
and to his astonishment found that when faithfully
carried out, these devotional methods led him to the
same goal he had already attained. He gathered similar
experience from following the true religion of Jesus the
Christ.

65

He went to all the sects he could find, and whatever
he took up, he went into it with his whole heart. He
did exactly as he was told, and in every instance, he
arrived at the same result. Thus, from actual exper-
ience he came to know that the goal of every religion is
the same, that each is trying to teach the same thing, the
difference being largely in method, and still more in
language.

That is what my Master found and he then set about
to learn humility, because he had found that the one
idea in all religions is “not me, but Thou, ” and he who
says “not me”, the Lord fills his heart. He now set
himself to accomplish this. As I have told you, when¬
ever he wanted to do anything, he never confined himself
to fine theories, but would enter into the practice
immediately. We see many persons talking the most
wonderfully fine things about charity and about equality
and the rights of other people and all that, but only in
theory. I was so fortunate as to find one who was able
to carry theory into practice. He had the most wonder¬
ful faculty of carrying everything into practice which
he thought was right.

\Now, there was a family of Pariahs living near the
the place. My Master would go to a Pariah and asked
to be allowed to clean bis house. The business of the
Pariah is to clean the streets of the cities, and to keep
houses clean. By birth the Brahmin stands for holiness,
end the pariah for the very reverse. And this Brahmin
asked to be allowed to do the menial services in the
house of the pariah f The pariah, of course, could no t

66

allow that, for they all think that if they allow a Brahmin
to do such menial work, it will be an awful sin, and they
will become extinct. The pariah would not permit it;
so in the dead of night, when all were sleeping, Rama-
krishna would enter the house. He had long hair, and
with his hair, he would wipe the place, saying, “Oh my
Mother, make me the servant of the pariah; make me feel
that I am even lower than the pariah.’

There were various other preparations, which would
take a long time to relate, and I want to give you just a
sketch of his life. For years, he thus educated himself.
One of the sadhanas was to root out the sex idea.
Having been born in a masculine body, this man wanted
to bring the feminine idea into everything. He began to
think that he was a woman; he dressed like a woman,
spoke like a woman, gave up the occupation of men, and
lived in the household among the women of a good
family, until after years of this discipline, his mind
became changed, and he entirely forgot the idea of sex;
thus, the whole view of life became changed to him.

We hear in the West about worshipping woman,
but this is usually for her youth and beauty. This man
meant by worshipping woman, that to him every
woman’s face was that of the Blissful! Mother, and
nothing but that. I myself have seen this man standing
before those women whom society would not touch, and
falling at their feet bathed in tears saying, “Mother, m
one form Thou art in the street, and in another form
Thou art the universe. I salute Thee, Mother, I salute
Thee.”

67

Think of the blessedness of that life from which all
carnality has vanished, which can look upon every
woman with that love and reverence, when every
woman’s face becomes transfigured, and only the face of
the Divine Mother, the Blissful One, the Protectress of
the human race, shines upon it! Such purity is abso¬
lutely necessary if real spirituality is to be attained.

.This rigorous, unsullied purity came into the life of
that man; all the struggles which we have in our lives
were past for him. His hard-earned jewels of spiritua¬
lity, for which he had given three-quarters of his life,
were now ready to be given to humanity, and then began
his mission. His teaching and preaching were peculiar.
This teacher had no thought whether he was to be res¬
pected or not; he had not the least idea that he was a
great teacher; and thought that it was the Mother who
was doing everything and not he. He always said, “If
any good comes from my lips, it is the Mother who
speaks; what have I to do with it?” That was the one
idea about his work, and to the day of his death, he
never gave it up. This man sought no one; his principle
was: first form character, first earn spirituality, and
results will come of themselves. His favourite illustration
was ‘‘When the lotus opens, the bees come of their
own accord to seek the honey; so let the lotus of your
character be full-blown and the results will follow.”
This is a great lesson to learn. My Master taught me
this lesson hundreds of times, yet, I often forget it.

Sri Ramakrishna, too, practised the Tantra, but not
in the old way. Where there is the injuction of drinking

68

wine, he would simply touch his forehead with a dtop of
it. The Tantrika form of worship is a very slippery
ground.

The Puris seem to have a peculiar mission in rousing
the spirituality of Bengal. Sri Chaitanya Deva was initi¬
ated into Sannyasa by Ishwar Puri, at Gaya. Bhagwan
Sri Ramakrishna got his Sannyasasrama from Tota Puri.

Sri Ramakrishna wept and prayed to the Divine
Mother to send him such a one to talk with as would
have in him not the slightest tinge of Kamahanchana;
for he would say, “My lips burn when I talk with the
worldly-minded.” He also used to say that he could not
even bear the touch of the worldly-minded and the
impure.

This habit (in me) of seeing every person from his
strongest aspect must have been the training under
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. We all went by his path to
some extent. Of course, it was not so difficult for us as
he made it for himself. He would eat and dress like the
people he wanted to understand, take their initiation, and
use their language. 'One must learn,” he said, "to put
oneself into another man's very soul!” And this method
was his own! No one ever before in India became
Christian and Mohammedan and Vaishnava by turns!

Take a thousand idols more if you can produce Rama¬
krishna Paramahamsa through idol-worship, and may God
speed you!

The world used to call him mad, and this was his
answer: "My friends, the whole world is a lunatic asylum;

69

some are mad after worldly love, some after^ fame, s o me
sal v a ti o n ancfgoing to heaven. In this big lunatic
asylum, I am also mad, I am mad after God. You are
mad; so am I; I think my madness is after all the best.' 1

Ramakrishna was born in the Hooghly district in 1836
and died in 1886. He produced a deep effect on the life
of.Keshub Chandra Sen and others. By discipline of the
body and subduing of the mind, he obtained a wonderful
insight into the spiritual world. His face was distinguished
by childlike tenderness, profound humility, and remarka¬
ble sweetness of expression. No one could look upon it
unmoved.

Sometimes, the mind is concentrated on a set of ideas
- this is called meditation with Vikalpa or oscillation.
But, when the mind becomes almost free from all activities,
it melts in the inner Self, which is the essence of infinite
knowledge. One, and Itself Its own support. This is
what is called Nirvikalpa Samadhi, free from all activities.
In Sri Ramakrishna, we have again and again noticed both
these forms of Samadhi. He had not to struggle to get
these states. It was a wonderful phenomenon! It was
by seeing him that we could rightly understand these
things.

It is not very difficult to bring under control the
material powers and flaunt a miracle; but I do not find a
more marvellous miracle than the manner in which this
mad Brahraana (Sri Ramakrishna) used to handle human
minds, like lumps of clay, breaking, moulding and
remoulding them at ease and filling them with new ideas
by mere touch.

70

He began to preach when he was about forty; but he
never went out to do it. He waited for those who
wanted his teachings to come to him.

He is worshipped in India as one of the great incar¬
nations, and his birthday is celebrated there as a religious
festival.

(•

He never spoke a harsh word about anyone. So

f

beautifully tolerant was he that every sect thought that
he belonged to them. He found a place for each one. He
was free, but free in love, not in “thunder."’ The mild
type creates, the thundering type spreads.

Ramkrishna came to teach the religion of today,
constructive and not destructive; he had to go afresh to
nature to ask for facts and he got scientific religion
which never says “believe” but “see”; “I see, and you too
can see." Sri Ramakrishna’s teachings are “the gist of
Hinduism;” they were not peculiar to him. Nor did he
claim that they were; he cared naught for name and
fame;

The other idea of his life was intense love for
others. The first part of my Master’s life was spent in
acquiring spirituality, and the remaining years in distribu¬
ting it. Men came in crowds to hear him and he would
talk twenty hours in the twenty four, and that not for one
day, for months and months, until at last, the body broke
down under the pressure of this tremendous strain. His
intense love for mankind would not let him refuse to help
even the humblest of the thousands who sought his aid.
Gradually, there developed a vital throat disorder, and

71

yet he could not be persuaded to refrain from these exer"
tions. As soon as he heard that people were asking to
see him, he would insist upon having them admitted, and
would answer all their questions. When expostulated
with, he replied, “I do not care. I will give up twenty-
thousand such bodies to help one man. It is glorious to
help even one man.” There was no rest for him. Once
a *man asked him, ‘‘Sir, you are a great Yogi; why
do you not put your mind a little on your body and
cure your disease ?” At first he did not answer, but when
the question was repeated, he gently said, “My friend, I
thought you were a sage, but you talk like other men of
t he world. This mind has been given to the Lord; do
you mean to say that I should take it back and put it
upon the body, which is but a mere cage of the soul ?”

So, he went on preaching to the people, and the news
spread that his body was about to pass away; and the
people began to flock to him in greater crowds than ever
When the people heard that this holy man was likely to
go from them soon, they began to come round him more
than ever and my Master went on teaching them without
the least regard for his health. We could not prevent
this. Many of the people came from long distances, and
he would not rest until heliad answered their questions.
“While I can speak I must teach them”, he would say.
and he was as good as his word. One day, he told us
that he would lay down the body and that day, on repea¬
ting the most sacred word of the Vedas, he entered
into Samadhi and passed away.

I could not believe my own ears when I heard west¬
ern people talking so much of consciousness! Conscious-

72

0

ness? What does consciousness matter! Why, it is
nothing as compared with the unfathomable depths of the
subconscious, and the heights of the superconscious. In
this, I could never be misled, for had I not seen Rama-
krishna Parmahamsa gather in ten minutes from a man’s
subconscious mind, the whole of his past, and determine
from that his future and his talent and powers?

Sri Ramakrishna was quite unable to take food in ’an
indiscriminate way from the hands of any and all. * It
happened many a time that he would not accept food
touched by a certain person or persons, and on rigorous
investigation, it would turn out that these had some
particular stain to hide.

He used to deprecate lukewarmness in spiritual
attainments; as, for instance, saying that religion would
come gradually, and that there was no hurry for it.

He used to disparage the longing for supernatural
powers; his teaching was that one cannot attain to the
Supreme Truth if one’s mind is diverted to the manife
station of the powers.

We have seen how Sri Ramakrishna would encourage
even those whom we considered as worthless, and change
the very course of their lives thereby! His very method
of teaching was a unique phenomenon.

He never destroyed a single man’s special inclinations.
He gave words of hope and encouragement even to the
most degraded of persons and lifted them up.

Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was alive to the depths
of his being, yet on the outer plane, who was more
active ?

73

The artistic faculty was highly developed in our
Lord, Sri Ramakrishna, and he used to say that without
this faculty none can be truly spiritual.

\He used to say, "As long as I live, so long do I learn.

A certain young man of little understanding used
always to blame Hindu Shastras before Sri Ramakrishna.
One day, he praised the Bhagavad-Gita, on which Sri
Ramakrishna said, “Methinks some European Pandit has
praised the Gita, and so he has followed suit!"

It was no new truth that Ramakrishna Paramahamsa
came to preach, though the advent brought the old truths
to light, ^n other words, he was the embodiment of all the
past religious thoughts of India, His life alone made me
understand what the Shastras really meant, and the whole
plan and scope of the old Shastras.

(He was the Saviour of women, Saviour of the masses.
Saviour of all, high and low. )

And the most wonderful part of it was that his life’s
work was just near a city which was full of Western
thought, a city which had run mad after these, .accidental
ideas, a city which had become more Europeanised than
any other city of India. There he lived, without any book-
learning whatsoever; this great intellect never learnt even
to write his own name; but the most brilliant graduates
of our university found in him an intellectual giant. He
was a strange man, this Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, the
fulfilment of the Indian sages, the sage for the time, one
whose teaching is just now, in the present time, most
beneficial. And mark the Divine Power working behind

74

the man. The son of a poor priest, born in an out-of-the-
way village, unknown and unthought of, today is wor¬
shipped literally by thousands in Europe and America, and
tomorrow will be worshipped by thousands more. Who
knows the plans of the Lord? Let me say that if I have
told one word of truth, it was his and his alone, and if 1
have told many things, which were not true, which were
not correct, which were not beneficial to the human rate,
they were all mine, and on me rests the responsibility!

It requires striving through many births to reach per¬
fection or the ultimate stage with regard to a single one
of the many devotional attitudes. But, Sri Ramaknshna,
the king of the realm of spirittal sentiments, perfected
himself in no less than eighteen different forms of
devotion! He also used to say that his body would not
have endured, had he not held himself on to this play of
spiritful sentiments.

To remove all the corruption in (present-day) religi¬
on, the Lord has incarnated Himself on earth in the present
age in the person of Sri Ramakrishna. The universal
teachings that he offered, if spread all over the world,
will do good to humanity and the world; not for many a
century past has India produced so great, so wonderful,
a teacher of religious synthesis.

1 Ramakrishna Paramahamsa came for the good of the
world; call him a man, or God, or an Incarnation, just as
you please.

From the day, Sri Ramakrishna was born, dates the
growth of modern India and of the Golden Age.

75

In the Ramakrishna Incarnation, there is Knowledge,
Devotion and Love, infinite knowledge, infinite love,
infinite work, infinite compassion for all beings. What
the whole Hindu race has thought for ages, he lived
in one life. His life is the living commentary on the
Vedas of all nations. People will come to know him by
degrees.

J*he future, you say, will call Ramakrishna Parama-
hamsa an Incarnation of Kali. Yes, I think there is no
doubt that She worked up the body of Ramakrishna for
Her own ends.

He was contented simply to live that great life, and to
leave it to others, to find the explanation I

One drop from the full ocean of his spirituality, if
realised, will make gods of men. Such a synthesis of
universal ideas you will not find in the history of the
world again. Understand from this who was born in the
person of Sri Ramakrishna. When he used to instruct
his Sannyasi disciples, he would rise from his seat and
look about to see if any householder was coming that way
or not. If he found none, then in glowing words he
would depict the glory of renunciation and tapasya. As
a result of the rousing power of that fiery dispassion, we
have renounced the world and become averse to worldli-
ness.

Of course, everybody who has come to Sri Rama¬
krishna has advanced in spirituality, is advancing and will
advance; Sri Ramakrishna used to say that the perfected
Rishis of a previous Kalpa (cycle) take human bodies and

76

come on earth with the Avataras, They are the associates
of the Lord. God works through them and propagates His
religion. Know this for truth that they alone are the
associates of the Avatara who have renounced all self for
the sake of others, who giving up all sense enjoyments
with repugnance, spend their lives for the good of the
world, for the welfare of the divas.

^Shri Ramakrishna was a wonderful gardener. There¬
fore, he has made a bouquet of different flowers (men of
different types) and formed his Order. All different
types and ideas have come into it and many more will
come. ^

All devotees (of Sri Ramakrishna) do not belong to
the group of his most intimate and nearest disciples.

When an Avatara comes, then with him are born
liberated persons as helpers in his world-play. Only
Avataras have the power to dispel the darkness of a
million souls and give them salvation in one life. This
is known as grace.

The way is to call on him (Sri Ramakrishna). Call¬
ing on him, many are blessed with his vision, can see
him in a human form just like ours and obtain his grace.

Those who have seen Sri Ramakrishna are really
blessed. Their family and birth have become purified
by it.

.Nobody has been able to understand who came on
earth as Sri Ramakrishna. Even his own nearest devo¬
tees have got no real clue to it. Only some have got a
little inkling of it. All will understand it afterwards.

77

“One should beg his food from door to door, aye,
even from the house of an outcast/' But, of course,
external forms are necessary in the beginning, for the
inner realisation of religion, in order to make the truth
of the scriptures practical in one’s life...Outward forms
and observances are only for the manifestation of the
great inner power of man. The object of all scriptures
is t b awaken those inner powers and make him under*
stand and realise his real nature. The means are of the
nature of ordinances and prohibitions... If you lose sight
of the ideal and fight over the means only, how will it
avail? In every country I have visited, I find this fighting
over the means going on and people have no eyes on the
ideal, Sri Ramakrishna came to show the truth of this.

\ln the highest truth of the Parabrahman , there is no
distinction of sex.) We only notice this on the relative
plane. And the more the mind becomes introspective,
the more that idea of difference vanishes. When the
mind is wholly merged in the homogeneous and undiffer¬
entiated Brahman, then, such ideas as this is a man or
that a woman, do not remain at all. (We have actually
seen this in the life of Sri Ramakrishna^)

You study all the great teachers the world has pro¬
duced, and you will see that not one of them went into
the various explanations of texts; on their part, there is
no attempt at “text-torturing;" no saying - “this word
me&ns this, and this is the philological connection bet¬
ween this and that word." Yet , they taught.

The Master used to say that the sapling must be
hedged V round.

78

\If anyone accepts Paramahamsa Deva as an Avatara,
it is all right; if he doesn’t do so, it is just the same. The
truth about it is that in point of character, Paramahamsa
Deva beats all previous record, and as regards teaching,
he was more liberal, more original and more progressive
than all his predecessors. In other words, the older Tea¬
chers were rather one-sided, while the teaching of this
new Incarnation or Teacher is that the best point* of
Yoga, Devotion, Knowledge and Work must be combined
now so as to form a new Society... The older ones were
no doubt good, but this is the new religion of the age -
the synthesis of yoga, knowledge, devotion and work -
the propagation of knowledge and devotion to all, down
to the very lowest, without distinction of age or sex.
The previous Incarnations were all right but they have
been synthesised in the person of Ramakrishna.

That Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was God incarnate
I have not the least doubt...but, let people find out for
themselves what he used to teach.

(Without studying Ramakrishna Paramahamsa first,
one ban never understand the real import of the Vedas,
the Vedanta, of the Bhagavata and the other Puranas.
His life is a searchlight of infinite power thrown upon the
whole mass of Indian religious thought. He was the
living commentary on the Vedas and their aim. He had
lived in one life the whole cycle of the national religious
life of India. ^

l Ramakrishna Paramahamsa is the latest Avatara and
the most perfect, the concentrated embodiment of Know-

79

ledge, Love, and renunciation, catholicity and the desire
to serve mankind. So, where is anyone else to compare
with him? He is born in vain who cannot appreciate
him! My supreme good fortune is that I am his
servant through life after life. A single word of his is
to me far weightier than the Vedas and the Vedanta.
Oh, I am the servant of the servants of his servants...
Certain fishermen and illiterate people called Jesus
Christ a God, but, the literate people killed him. Buddha
was honoured in his life time by a number of merchants*
and cowherds. But Ramakrishna has been worshipped
in his life time - towards the end of the nineteenth cen¬
tury - by the demons and giants of the university as God
incarnate... Here is a man in whose company we have
been day and night, and yet consider him to be a far
greater personality than any of the earlier Avataras. )

Our ideal is, of course, the abstract Brahman. But
as all cannot be inspired by an abstract ideal, we must
have a personal ideal. We have got that in the person
of Sri Ramakrishna...In order that Vedanta may be
realised by everyone, there must be a person who
is in sympathy with the present generation. This is
fulfilled in Sri Ramakishna. So now, we should place
him before everyone. Whether one accepts him as a
Sadhu or an Avatara, does not matter.

He said he would come once again with us. Then,

I think he will embrace Videha-Mukti (Absolute Eman¬
cipation).

The mind of those who have truly received Sri
Ramakrishna's grace cannot he attached to worldliness.

80

The test of his grace is - unattachment to lust or wealth.
If that has not come in to anyone’s life, then he has not
truly received his grace.

Sri Ramakrishna’s life is presented in the book (by
Prof .Max Muller) in very brief and simple language. In
this life, every word of the wary historian is weighed,
as it were, before being put on paper.

We have heard the great Minister of the Brahmo
Samaj, the late revered Acharya Sri Keshab Chandra Sen,
speaking in his charming way that Sri Ramakrishna’s
simple, sweet, colloquial language breathed a super¬
human purity; though in his (Ramakrishna’s) speech
could be noticed some such words as we term obscene;
the use of those words, on account of his uncommon
child like innocence and of their being perfectly devoid
of the least breath of sensuality, instead of being some¬
what reproachable, served rather the purpose of embel¬
lishment.

“Know Truth for yourself, and there will be many to
whom you can teach it afterwards; they will all come.”
This was the attitude of my Master. He criticised no
one. For years, I lived with that man, but never did I
hear those lips utter one word of condemnation of any
sect. He had the same sympathy for all sects; he had
found the harmony among them. A man may be intel¬
lectual, or devotional or mystic or active: the various
religions represent one or the other of these types. Yet,
it is possible to combine all the four in one man, and this
is what future humanity is going to do. That was his
idea. He condemned no one, but saw the good in all.

81

The life of Sri Ramakrishna was an extraordinary
searchlight under whose illumination one is able to really
understand the whole scope of Hindu religion. He was
the object-lesson of all the theoretical knowledge given
in the Shastras. He showed by his life what the Rishis
and Avataras really wanted to teach. The books were
theories; he was the realisation. This man had in fifty-
one*years lived the five thousand years of national spiri¬
tual rife and so raised himself to be an object-lesson for
future generations. The Vedas can only be explained
and the Shastras reconciled by his theory of Avastha or
“conditioned” stages - that we must not only tolerate
others, but positively embrace them, and that truth is
the basis of all religions.

He had a whole world of knowledge to teach.

He did not found a sect. No, His whole life was spent
in breaking down the barriers of sectarianism and dogma.
He formed no sect. Quite the reverse. He advocated
and strove to establish absolute freedom of thought. He
was a great Yogi.

While others, who have nothing to teach, will take
up a word and write a three-volume book on its origin
and use, my Master used to say: “Think of the men who
went into a mango, orchard and busied themselves in
counting the leaves, and examining the colour of the
leaves, the size of the twigs, the number of branches, and
so forth, while only one of them had the sense to begin
to eat the mangoes!”

These Teachers of all teachers, the Christs of the world,
represent God' Himself in the form of man. They can

82

transmit spirituality with a touch, with a wish, which
makes even the lowest and most degraded characters
saints in one second. They are the Teachers of all tea¬
chers; the greatest manifestations of God to man; we
cannot see God except through them. We cannot help
worshipping them, and they are the only beings whom
we are bound to worship.

a

Sri Ramakrishna is a force. You should not think
that his doctrine is this or that. But he is a power, living
even now in his disciples and working in the world. I
saw him growing in his ideas. He is still growing. Sri
Ramakrishna was both a Jivanmukta and an Acharya.

It is easier to become a Jivanmukta (free in this very
life) than to be an Acharya. For the former knows the
world as a dream and has no concern with it; but an
Acharya knows it as a dream and yet has to remain in it
and work. It is not possible for everyone to be an
Acharya. He is an Acharya through whom the Divine
Power acts.

The Guru (Acharya) has to bear the disciples
burden of sin, and that is the reason why diseases and
other ailments appear even in the bodies of powerful
Acharyas.

The highest ideal of Iswara which the human mind
can grasp is the Avatara. Beyond this, there is no relative
knowledge. Such Knowers of Brahman are rarely born
in the world. And very few people can understand them.
They alone are the proofs of the truths of scriptures*
pillars of light in the ocean of the world.

Sri Ramakrishna

83

la company of such Avataras and by their grace,
the darkness of the mind disappears in a trice, and reali*
sation flashes immediately in the heart. Why or by what
process it occurs cannot be ascertained. But, it does
occur. I have seen it happen like that.

The work which the Jnani does only conduces to the
wellbeing of the world. Whatever a man of realisation
says or does contributes to the welfare of all. We have
minutely observed Sri Ramakrishna, he was as it were

“in the body but not of it!*' - About
the motive of the actions of such personages, only this
can be said - - “ Everything they do

like men is simply by way of sport.”

Whoever could have thought that the life and tea¬
chings of a boy born of poor Brahmin parents in a
wayside Bengal village would, in a few years, reach such
distant lands as our ancestors never even dreamed of?
I refer to Bhagavan Ramakrishna. Prof. Max. Muller
has already written an article on Sri Ramakrishna in the
“ Nineteenth Century.”

•«

This is the Message of Sri Ramakrishna to the modern
world: “Do not care for doctrines, do not care for

i

dogmas, or churches or temples; they count for little
compared with the essence of existence in each man,
which is spirituality, and the more this is developed in a
man, the more powerful is he. Earn that first,
acquire that, and criticise no one, for all doctrines and
creeds have some good in them. Show by your lives that
religion does not mean words, or names, or sects, but that

84

it means spiritual realisation. Only those can. understand
who have experienced. Only those who have attained to
spirituality can communicate to others, can be great
teachers, of mankind. They alone are the powers of light.”

To proclaim and make clear the fundamental unity
underlying all religions, was the mission of my Master.
Other teachers have taught special religions which bear
their names, but this great Teacher of the nineteenth
century made no claim for himself.

People love me personally. But, they little dream
that what they love in me is Ramakrishna; without Him
I am only a mass of foolish, selfish emotions.

He finds who seeks Him! he who with intense longing
weeps for God.

— SRI RAMAKRISHNA.

I do not belive in any politics. God and truth are the
only politics in the world, everything else is trash.

— SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

85

CHAPTER IV

THF BARANAGORE MATH AND
PERIPATETIC DAYS

A

Then came the sad day when our old teacher died.
We nursed him as best^we could. We had no friends;
who would listen to a few boys, with their crank notions?
Nobody. At least, in India, boys are nobodies. Just think
of it - a dozen boys telling people vast, big ideas, saying
they were determind to work these ideas out in life.
Everybody laughed. From laughter, it became serious;
it became persecution. The parents of the boys came to
feel like spanking everyone of us. And the more we were
derided, the more determined we became.

Sri Ramakrishna used to say, “In the morning and
evening, the mind remains highly imbued with sattwa
ideas; those are the times when one should meditate with
earnestness.”

After the passing away of Sri Ramakrishna, we went
through a lot of religious practice at the Baranagore Math.
We used to get up at 3 A.M. and after washing our face
etc. - some after taking bath, and some without it - we
would sit in the worship-room and become absorbed in
japam and meditation. What a strong spirit of dispassion
we had in those days!

We had no thought even as to whether the world
existed or not. Ramakrishnananda busied himself day
and night with the duties pertaining to Sri Ramakrishna 1 *

86

worship and service, and occupied the same position in
the Math as the mistress of the house does in a family.
It was he who would procure, mostly by begging, the
requisite articles for Sri Ramakrishna’s worship and our

sustenance. There were days when the Japam and

\

meditation continued from morning till four or five in the
afternoon. Ramakrishnanda waited and waited with our
meals ready, till at last he would come and drag us
from our meditation by sheer force. Oh, what a wonder¬
ful constancy of devotion we noticed in him!

What was collected by begging and such other means,
was utilised for defraying the Math expenses.
Today, both Suresh Babu and Balaram Babu are no more.
Had they been alive, they would have been exceedingly
glad to see this Math (at Belur). Suresh Babu was in a
way the founder of this Math. It was he who used to
bear all the expenses of the Barangore Math. It was
Suresh Mitra who used to worry most for us in those
days. His devotion and faith have no parallel!

Owing to want of funds, I would sometimes fight for
closing the Math altogether. But, I could never
induce Ramakrishnananda to accede to the proposal...
There were days when the Math was without a
grain of food... If some Tice was collected by begging,
there was no salt to flavour it with!

On some days, there would be only rice and salt, but
nobody cared about it in the least. We were then being
carried away by a tidal wave of spiritual upsurage. Boiled
Nimba leaves, rice and salt - this was the menu for a

87

month at a stretch.Oh! Those wonderful days! The
austerities of that period were enough to dismay
supernatural beings, not to speak of men. But, it is a
tremendous truth that if there is real worth in you, the
more circumstances are against you, the more will that
inner power manifest itself, But the reason why I
provided for beds and a tolerable living in the Math is
that the Sannyasins that are enrolling themselves
nfiwadays will not be able to bear so much strain as we
did. There was the life of Sri Ramakrishna to inspire us,
and that was why we did not care much for privation and
hardships. Boys of this generation will not be able to
undergo so much hardship. Hence, it is that I have
provided for some sort of habitation and a bare sub¬
sistence for them. If they get food and clothing, the
boys will devote themselves to religious practice, and will
learn to sacrifice their lives for the good of humanity.

Let outside people say anything against this sort of
bedding and furniture. Even in jest they will at least once
think of this Math. And they say it is easier to attain
liberation through cherishing a hostile spiritl

After Sri Ramakrishna's passing away, all forsook us
as so many worthless, ragged boys. Only people like
Suresh Babu and Balaram Babu were our friends in that
hour of need. And we shall never be able to repay our
debts to them.

Well, that lady, his (Sri Ramakrishna's) wife, was
the only one who sympathised with the idea of those
boys. But she was powerless. She was poorer, than
we were. Never mind! We took the plunge, I

88

believed, as I am living, that these ideas were going to
revolutionise India and bring better days to many lands
and foreign races. With that belief, came the realisation
that it is better that a few persons suffer than that such
ideas should die out of this world. What if a mother or
two brothers die? It is a sacrifice. Let it be done. No
great thing can be done without sacrifice. The heart
must be plucked out and the bleeding heart placed upoh
the altar. Then great things are done. Is there any
other way? None have found it. I appeal to each one
of you, to those who have accomplished any great thing.
Oh, how much it has costl What agony! what torture!
What terrible sufferring is behind every deed of success,
in every life! You know that, all of you.

And thus we went on, only a band of boys. The only
thing we got from those around us was a kick and a
curse, that was all.

Of course, we had to beg from door to door for our
food - got hips and haws - the refuse of everything. A
piece of bread here and there. We got hold of a broken-
down old house, with hissing cobras living underneath;
and because that was the cheapest, we went into that
house and lived there.

Thus we went on for some years, in the meanwhile
making excursions all over India, trying to carry out the
idea gradually. Ten years were spent without a ray of
light! Ten more years! A thousand times despondency
came; but there was one thing always to keep us hopeful
- the tremendous faithfulness to each other, the tremen-

89

dous love among us. I have got a hundred men and
women around me; if I become the devil himself tomor¬
row, they will say: “Here we are still! we will never give
you up!” That is the great blessing. In happiness, in
misery, in famine, in pain, in the grave, in heaven or in
hell he, who never gives me up, is my friend. Is such
friendship a joke? A man may have salvation through
such friendship. If we have that faithfulness, why, there
is the essence of all concentration. You need not wor¬
ship any gods in the world if you have that faith, that
strength, that love. Any one that was there was with us
all throughout the hard time. That made us go from
the Himalayas to Cape Comorin, from the Indus to
Brahmaputra.

This band of boys began to travel about. Gradually
we began to draw attention; ninety per cent was antago¬
nism, very little of it was helpful. For we had one fault,
- we were boys - in poverty, and with all the roughness
of boys.

He who has to make his own way in life is a bit
rough; he has not much time to be smooth and suave
and polite - “my lady and my gentleman,” and all that.
You have seen that in life, always! He is a rough dia¬
mond, he has not much polish, he is a jewel in an indif¬
ferent setting.

And there we were. “No compromise," was the
watchword. “This is the ideal and this has got to be
realised. If we meet the king, though we die, we
must give him a bit of our mind; if the peasant, the
same." Naturally, we met with antagonism.

90

But, mind you, this is life’s experience. If you
really want the good of others the whole universe may
stand against you, but cannot hurt you. It must crumble
before the power of the Lord Himself in you, if you are
sincere and really unselfish. And those boys were that.
They came as children, pure and fresh from the hands of
nature. Said our Master, “I want to offer at the altar
of the Lord only those flowers that have not even been
smelt, fruit that have not been touched with the fingers.”
The words of the great man sustained us all. For he saw
through the future life of those boys that he collected
from the streets of Calcutta, so to say. People used to
laugh at him when he said, ‘‘You will see - this boy, that
boy, what he becomes.” His faith was unalterable.
“Mother showed it to me. I may be weak, but when
She says this is so. She never makes mistakes, it must
be so.”

So things went on and on for ten years without any
light, but with our health breaking down all the time.

It tells on the body in the long run: sometimes one
meal at nine in the evening, another time a meal at eight
in the morning, another after two days, another, after three
days - and always the poorest and roughest thing. Who
is going to give to the beggar the good things he has?
And then they have not much in India. And most of
the time walking, climbing snow peaks, sometimes ten
miles of hard mountain climbing just to get a meal. They
eat unleavened bread in India, and sometimes they have
it stored away for twenty or thirty days, until it is harder
than bricks; and then they will give a crumb of that. I

91

would have to go from house to house to collect suffi¬
cient food for one meal. And then the bread was so hard*
it made my mouth bleed to eat it. Literally, you can
break your teeth with that bread. Then I would put it in
a pot and pour river water over it. For months and
months, I lived that way - of course, it told on the
health.

. He who has a dogged determination like that shall
have everything...It is because we had such a determi¬
nation that we have attained the little that we have.
Otherwise, what dire days of privation we had to pass
through! One day. for want of food I fainted in the
outer platform of a house on the roadside, and quite a
shower of rain drenched my head before I recovered
my senses. Another day, I had to do odd jobs in Cal¬
cutta for the whole day without food, and had my meal
on my return to the Math at ten or eleven in the night.
And these were not solitary instances.

I worked for fulfiling the purpose for which the Lord
(Sri Ramakrishna) came. He gave me the charge of
them all (the youngsters) , who will contribute to the
great wellbeing of the world, though most of them are
not yet 3 aware of it. They are each a centre of religious
power and in time that power will manifest itself.

The disciples of Jesus were all Sannyasins. The direct
recipients of the grace of Sankara, Ramanuja, Sri
Chaitanya and Buddha were alhrenouncing Sannyasins.
It is men of this stamp who have been spreading the
Brahma-vidya in the world...In Veda, Vedanta. Itibasa

92

(history) Purana (ancient tradition) , you will find every¬
where that the Sannyasins have been the teachers of
Religion in all ages and climes. History repeats itself. It
will also be likewise now. The capable Sannyasin children
of Sri Ramakrishna, the teacher of the great synthesis of
religions, will be honoured everywhere as the teacher of
men.

c

Sri Ramakrishna used to say, “Whoever has prayed
to God sincerely for one day, must come here.” Know
each of the disciples of Sri Ramakrishna to be of great
spiritual powet. Do not think them to be ordinary souls.
They will be the source of the awakening of spirituality in
people. Know them to be part of the spiritual body of
Sri Ramakrishna, who was the embodiment of infinite
religious ideas. I look upon them with that eye. See
Brahmananda - even I have not the spirituality which he
has. Sri Ramakrishna looked upon him as his spiritual
son and he lived and walked, ate and slept with him. He
is the ornament of our Math-our King. Similarly
Premananda, Turiyananda, Trigunantita, Akhandananda,
Saradananda, Ramakrishnananda, Subodhananda and
others.

To create a band of men who are tied and bound
together with the most undying love in spite of differences,
is it not wonderful? This band will increase.

The ways, movements and ideas of our Master were
all cast in a new mould, so we are also of a new type.
Sometimes dressed like gentlemen, we are engaged in
lecturing; at other times, throwing all aside, with “Hara,
Hara, Aum, Aum," on the lips, ash smeared on the

93

body, we are immersed in meditation and austerities in
mountains and forests.

Referring to history, we see that only that fragment
which is fit will survive and what makes fit to survive
but character?...

Let me tell you a little personal experience. When
my* Master left the body, we were a dozen penniless and
unknown young men. Against us were a hundred power¬
ful organisations, struggling hard to nip us in the bud.
But Ramakrishna had given us one great gift, the desire,
and the lifelong struggle, not to talk alone, but to live
the life. And today all India knows and reverences the
Master, and the truths he taught are spreading like wild¬
fire. Ten years ago, I . could not get a hundred persons
together to celebrate his birthday anniversary. In 1894,
there were fifty-thousand.

His thoughts and his message were known to very
few capable of giving them out. Among others, he left a
few young boys who had renounced the world, and were
ready to carry on his work. Attempts were made to
crush them. But they stood firm, having the inspiration
of that great life before them. Having had the contact
of that blessed life for years, they stood their ground.
These young men living as Sannyasins, begged through
the streets of the city where they were born, although
some of them came from high families. At first, they
met with great antagonism, but they persevered and went
on from day to day spreading all over India the message
of that great man, until the whole country was filled with
the ideas he had preached.

94

I am not taking pride in this. But, mark you, I have
told the story of that group of boys. Today, there is not
a village, not a man, not a woman in India that does not
know their work and bless them. There is not a famine
in the land where these boys do not plunge in and try to
work and rescue as many as they can.

«

I believed, and still believe that without my giving up
the world, the great mission which Ramakrishna Parama-
hamsa, my great Master, came to preach, would not see
the light; and where would those young men be who
have stood as bulwarks against the surging waves of
materialism and luxury of the day? These have done a
great deal of good to India, especially to Bengal, and
this is only the beginning. With the Lord’s help, they
will do things for which the whole world will bless them
for ages. So on the one hand my vision of the future
Indian religion and that of the whole world, my love for
the millions of beings sinking down and down for ages
with nobody to help them, nay nobody with even a
thought for them; on the other hand, making those who
are nearest and dearest miserable. I chose the former
and “Lord will do the rest.” He is with me, I am sure of
that, if of anything. So long as l am sincere, nothing can
resist me because He will be my help. Many and many
in India could not understand me; and how could they,
poor men? Their thoughts never strayed beyond the
everyday routine business of eating and drinking ... But
appreciation or no appreciation, I am born to organise

these young men.nay, more.And this I will do or

die.

95

We are a unique company.Nobody amongst us

has a right to force his faith upon others.Many of us

do not believe in any form of idolatry.. What harm is

there in worshipping the Guru when that Guru was a
hundred times more holy than even the historical Pro¬
phets all taken together? If there is no harm in wor¬
shipping Christ, Krishna, or Buddha, why should there be
any harm in -worshipping this man who never did or
thought anything unholy, whose intellect only through
intuition stands head and shoulders above all the other
Prophets because they were all one-sided?

25-3-1887 - I have attained my present state of
mind as a result of much suffering and pain. I now
realise that without trials and tribulations, one cannot
resign oneself to God and depend on Him absolutely.

I have noticed a peculiar thing. Some objects or
places make me feel as if I had seen them before, in a
previous birth. They appear familiar to me. One day I
went to Sarat’s house on Amherst Street. Immediately I
said to Sarat: “This house seems familiar to me. It seems
to me that I have known the rooms, the passages, and
the rest of the house for many, many days.”

April 9 t 1887 - Now and then I feel great scepticism.

At Baburam’s house it seemed to me thatnothing
existed, as if there were no such thing as God.

Whatever spiritual discipline we are practising here
(Baranagore Math) is in obedience to the Master's
command. But it is strange that Ram Babu criticises us

96

for our spiritual practices, He says, "We have seen him
(Sri Ramakrishna). What need have we of any such
practice?" But the Master asked us to practise sadhana.

May 7, 1887 - I don’t care for anything, I shall fast un
to death for the relization of God.

It seems there is no God. I pray so much, but there
is no reply, none whatsoever.

How many visions I have seen! How many mantras
shining in letters of gold! How many visions of the
Goddess Kali! How many other divine forms! But still
I have no peace.

B

Brindaban , 12-8-1888 —Leaving Ayodhya I have
reached Brindaban, and am putting up at Kala Babu’s
Kunja......I have a mind to proceed very shortly to

Hardwar.

20-8-1888 — I postpone my going to Hardwar for
some days.

I saw many great men in Hrishikesh. One case that
I remember was that of a man who seemed to be mad,
He was coming nude down the street, with boys pursuing
and throwing stones at him. The man was bubbling
over with laughter, while blood was streaming down his
face and neck. I took him and bathed the wound,
putting ashes (made by burning a piece of cotton cloth)
on it, to stop bleeding. And all the time, with peals of

97

laughter, he told me of the fun the boys and he had been
having throwing the stones. “So the Father plays,”
he said.

Many of these men hide, in order to guard themselves
against intrusion. People are a nuisance to them. One
had human bones strewn about his cave, and gave it
ou£ that he lived on corpses. Another threw stones;
and .so on.

Sometimes the thing comes upon them in a flash.
There was a boy, for instance, who used to come to read
the Upanishads with Abhedananda. One day, he turned
and said, “Sir, is all this really true?” “Oh, Yes!”
said A^bhedananda, “It may be difficult to realise, but
it is certainly true.” And next day, that boy was a
silent Sannyasin, nude, on his way to Kedarnath!

Baranagore: 19-11-1888 — A good deal of study
is given to Sanskrit scriptures in this Math. This Math
is not wanting in men of perseverence, talent and penet¬
rative intellect.

Baghbazar: 28-11-1888 — I had an attack of
fever dgain. I am ailing much.

Baranagore: 4-2-1889 — I am going now on a
pilgrimage to the place of my Master’s nativity, and after
a sojourn of few a days there, I shall present myself at
Banaras.

22-2-1889 — I had intended to go to Banaras and I
planned to reach there after visiting the birthplace of my
Master. But, unluckily, on the way to that village, I had

98

an attack of high fever followed by vomitting and purging
as in cholera. There was again fever after three or four
days.

Baghbazar ( Calcutta) 21-3-1889 — I am very ill
at present; there is fever now and then, but there is no
disorder in the spleen or other organs. I am under
homeopathic treatment. Now I have to give up comple¬
tely the intention of going to Banaras. Whatever God
dispenses will happen, later on according to the state of
the body.My going there is very uncertain.

4-7-1889 — Some relative of my former life (i.e
the life which I have renounced) has purchased a bunga¬
low at Simultala (near Baidyanath - Bihar). The place
being credited with a healthy climate, I stayed there for
some time. But the summer heat growing excessive, I
had an attack of acute diarrhoea, and I have just fled
away from the place. By the will of God, the last six or
seven years of my life have been full of constant struggles
with hindrances and obstacles of all sorts. I have been
vouchsafed the ideal Shastra; 1 have seen the ideal man;
and yet I fail myself to get on with anything to the end -
this is my profound misery.

I see no chance of success, while remaining near
Calcutta. In Calcutta, my mother and two brothers live,
I am the eldest; the second is preparing for the first Arts,
ex&m., and the third is young.

They were quite well off before, but since my father's
death* it is going very hard with them - they even have to
go fasting at times! To crown all, some relatives taking

Swami Vivekananda

99

advantage of their helplessness drove them away from the
ancestral residence. Though a part of it is recovered
through law suits at the High Court, destitution is now
upon them, a matter of course in litigation.

Living near Calcutta, I have to witness their adver¬
sity; and the quality of Rajas prevailing, my egotism
sometimes develops into the form of a desire that rises to

plunge me into action; in such moments, a fierce fighting
«

ensues in my mind. Now their law suit has come to an
end.^/

Simla: Cal. 14-7-89 - My difficulties here have
almost come to a close, only I have engaged the services
of a broker for the sale of a piece of land, and I hope the
sale will be over soon. In that case, I shall be free from
all worry.

Baranagore : 7-8-89 - Had an attack of fever.

and suffered again for the last ten days; now I am doing
well

17-8-89 - I have no partiality for any party in this
caste question, because I know it is a social law and is
based on diversity of Guna and Karma. It also means
grave harm if one, bent on going beyond Guna and Karma t
cherishes in mind any caste distinctions. In these matters,
I have got some ideas through the grace of my Guru.

Baghbazar: 3-12-89 - Two of my brother-disciples
are shortly leaving for Banaras. One is Rakhal (Brahma-
nanda) by name, the other is Subodh (Subodhananda).
The first named was beloved of my Master and used to
stay much with him.

100

Gangadhar is now proceeding to Kailas. The Tibe¬
tans wanted to slash him up on the way, taking him to
be a spy of the foreigners. Eventually some Lamas kind¬
ly set him free; his physical endurance has grown immen¬
sely - one night he passed uncovered on a bed of snow,
and that without much hardship.

But there is the chain of iron, and there is the chain
of gold. Much good comes of the latter, and it drops off
by itself when all the good is reaped. The sons of my
Master are indeed the great objects of my service, and
here alone I feel I have some duty left for me. Perhaps,
I shall send brother K, down to Allahabad or somewhere
else as convenient.

Baidyanath: 24-12-1889 - I have been staying for
the last few days at Baidyanath in Purna Babu’s lodge.
I am suffering from indigestion, probably due to excess
of iron in the water.I leave for Banaras tomorrow.

My idea is to remain there for some time, and to
watch how Viswanath and Annapurna deal out my
lot. And my resolve is something like “either to lay
down my life or realise my ideal” -

Allahabad : 30-12-1889 — I was to go to Banaras,
but news reached me that a brother-disciple, Yogananda
by name, had been attacked with small-pox after arriving
here from a pilgrimage to Chitrakuta, Omkarnath etc.,
and so I came to this place to nurse him.

Ghazipur: 24-1-90 — I reached Ghazipur three
days ago. Here I am putting up in the house of Babu

101

Satish Chandra Mukherjec, a friend of my early age.

The place is very pleasant. Close by flows the Ganges.

I again had a great mind to go over to Kashi (Banaras),
but the object of my coming here, namely, an interview
with the Babaji (Pavahari Baba, the great saint), has not
yet been realised.

fihazipur: 30-1-90 — Of the few places I have
recently visited, this is the healthiest. The few days I
passed at Banaras, I suffered from fever day and

night.I have visited Pavahari Baba’s house - there are

high walls all round, and it is fashioned like an English
bungalow. There is a garden inside and big rooms,
chimneys etc. He allows nobody to enter. If he is so
^inclined, he comes up to the door and speaks from inside-
that is all. One day I went and waited and waited in the
cold and had to return. After a few days’ stay at Banaras,
I shall start for Hrishikesh.

It is so very difficult to meet Babaji. He does not
step out of his home.

4-2-90 — Through sorfte good fortune, I have
obtained an interview with Babaji. A great sage indeed!
It is all very wonderful, and in this atheistic age, a tower-,
ing representation of marvellous power born of Bhakti
and Yoga! I have sought refuge in his grace, and he has
given me hope - a thing very few may be fortunate enough
to obtain. It is Babaji’s wish that I stay on for some days
here, and he would do me some good. So following the

saint’s bidding, I shall remain here for some time.

Unless one is face to face with the life of such men, faith
in the scriptures does not grow in all its real integrity.

102

I am not leaving this place soon - it is impossible to
turn down Babaji’s request.

A pain in the loins is giving me much trouble.

7-2-90 - Apparently in his features, the Babaji is a
Vaishnava, the embodiment, so to speak, of Yoga, Bhakti
and humility, His dwelling has walls on all sides with a

i

few doors in them. Inside these walls, there is one long
underground burrow wherein he lays himself up in Sama-
dhi. He talks to others only when he comes out of the
hole. Nobody knows what he eats, and so they call him
Pavahari Baba (i. e . one living on air). Once he did
not come out of the hole for five years, and people
thought he had given up the body. But, now again he is
•out. This time, however he does not show himself to
people and talks from behind the door. Such sweetness
in speech I have never come across! He does not give a
direct reply to questions but says “What does this servant
know?" But then fire comes out as the talking goes on.
On my pressing him very much he said, “Favour me high-
ly by staying here some days.” But he never speaks in
this way; so from this I understood he meant to reassure
me; and whenever I am importunate, he asks me to stay
on. So I wait and hope. He is a learned man no doubt,
nothing in the line betrays itself. He performs scriptural
ceremonials, for from the full-moon day to the last day
of the month, sacrificial oblations go on. So it is sure he
is not retiring into the hole during this period.

13-2-90 - I am having some sort of pain in the loins
which, being aggravated of late, gives much trouble. For

103

two days I could not go out to meet Babaji, and so a man
came from him to enquire about me. For this reason, I

go today.Such amazing endurance and humility I

have never seen.

14-2-90- I have heard from Brother Gangadhar.
He is now in Rambag Samadhi, Srinagar, Kashmir. I am

greatly suffering from lumbago.Rakhal and Subodh

have .come to Brindaban after visiting Omkar, Girnar,
Abu, Bombay and Dwaraka.

25-2-90 - The lumbago is giving a good deal of
trouble. It is three days since I came away from Babaji’s
place, but he enquires of me kindly almost every day.

February: 90 - Brother Kali is having repeated
attacks of fever at Hrishikesh. I have sent him a wire
from this place. So if from the reply I find I am wanted
by him, I shall be obliged to start direct for Hrishikesh
from this place; otherwise, I go to Banaras. Weaving
all this web of Maya? - and that is no doubt the fact.

* PAVAHARI BABA

I once knew a Yogi, a very old man, who lived in a
hole in the ground all by himself. All he had was a pan
or two to cook his meals in. He ate very little and wore
scarcely anything and spent most of his time meditating.

With him all people were alike. He had attained to
non-injuring. What he saw in everything, in every
person, in every animal was the Soul, the Lord of the
universe. With him, every person and every animal was

104

“my Lord.” He never addressed any person or animal in
any other way. Well, one day a thief came his way and
stole one of his pans. He saw him and ran after him.
The chase was a long one. At last, the thief from
exhaustion had to stop, and the Yogi running up to him,
fell on his knees before him and said, “My Lord, you do
me a great honour to come my way. Do me the honour
to accept the other pan. It is also yours.” This old'man
is dead now. He was full of love for everything in the
world. He would have died for an ant. Wild animals
instinctively knew this old man to be their friend. Snakes
and ferocious animals would go into his hole and sleep
with him. They all loved him and never fought in his
presence.

The ideal of the Yogi is eternal peace and love
through omniscience and omnipotence. I know of a Yogi
who was bitten by a cobra, and so fell down on the
ground. In the evening he revived again, and when asked
what happened, he said, “A messenger came from my
Beloved.” All hatred and anger and jealousy have been
burned out of this man.

Like many others in India, there was no striking or
stirring external activity in the life of Pavhari Baba. It
was one more example of that Indian ideal of teaching
through life and not through words. Persons of this type

are entirely averse to preaching what they know, for they

*

are for ever convinced that it is internal discipline alone
that leads to Truth, and not words. Religion to them is
no motive to social conduct, but an intense search after,
and realisation of Truth in this life.

105

The present writer had occasion to ask the saint the
reasonjof his not coming out of his cave to help the world.
At first, with his native humility and humour, he gave
the following strong reply:

“A certain wicked person was caught in some
criminal act, and had his nose cut off as a punishment.
Ashamed to show his noseless features to the world, and
disgusted with himself, he fled into a forest, and there
spreading a tiger skin on the ground, he would feign deep
meditation, whenever he thought any body was about.

“This conduct, instead of keeping people off, drew
them in crowds to pay their respects to this wonderful
saint, and he found that his forest life had brought him
once again an easy living. Thus years went by. At last,
the people around became very eager to listen to some
instruction from the lips of the silent meditative saint,
and one young man was specially anxious to be initiated
into the Order. It came to such a pass that any more
delay in that line would undermine the reputation of the
saint. So one day he broke his silence, and asked the
enthusiastic young man to bring on the morrow a sharp
razor with him. The young man, glad at the prospect of
the great desire of his life being speedily fulfilled, came
early the next morning with the razor. The noseless saint
led him to a very retired spot in the forest, took the razor
in his hand, opened it, and with one stroke cut off his nose
repeating in a solemn voice, “Young man, this has been
my initiation into the Order. The same I give to you.
Do you transmit it diligently to others when the oppor¬
tunity comes!" The young man could not divulge the

106

secret of this wonderful initiation for shame, and carried
out to the best of his ability the injunction of his master.
Thus, a whole sect of nose-cut saints spread over the
country. Do you want me to be the founder of another
such?”

Later on, in a more serious mood, another query
brought the answer: “Do you think that physical help is
the only help possible? Is it not possible that one *mind
can help other minds, even without the activity of the
body?”

When asked on another occasion, why he, a great
Yogi, should perform Karma, such as pouring oblations
into the sacrificial fire, and worshipping the image of Sri
Raghunathji, which are practices only meant for beginners,
the reply came, “Why do you take for granted that every¬
body makes Karma for his own good? Cannot one per¬
form Karma for others?”

One of his great peculiarities was his entire absorp¬
tion in the task in hand, however trivial. The same
amount of care and attention was bestowed on cleaning a
copper pot, as on the worship of Sri Raghunathji, he him¬
self being the best example of the secret he once told us
of work, “The means should be loved and cared for as if
it were the end itself.”

His humility was not kindred to that which means
pain and anguish of self-abasement. It sprang naturally
from the realisation of that which he once so beautifully
explained to us: “O king, the Lord is the wealth of those

107

who have nothing - yes, of those,” he continued, “who
have thrown away all desires of possession, even that of
one's own soul.”

In appearance he was tall and rather fleshy, had but
one eye, and looked much younger than his real age. His
voice was the sweetest we have ever heard. The present
writer owes a deep debt of gratitude to the departed saint
and dedicates these lines, however, unworthy, to the me¬
mory of one of the greatest Masters he has loved and
served.

Ghazipur: March 1890 - I am staying with Pava-
hariji, the wonderful Raja-Yogin, and he has given me
some hopes, too. There is a beautiful bungalow in a small
garden belonging to a gentleman here. I mean to stay
there. The garden is quite close to the Babaji's cottage.
A brother of the Babaji stays there to look after the com-
fo!*s of the sadhus, and I have my Bhiksha at his place.
Hence, with a view to seeing to the end of this fun, I give
up for the present my plan of going to the hills. Let me
wait and see what Babaji will give me.

My motto is to learn whatever good things I may
come across anywhere. This leads many friends to think
that it will take away my devotion to the Guru.

After Sri Ramakrishna’s leaving the body, I associ¬
ated for some time with Pavhari Baba of Ghazipur. There
was a garden not far distant from his Ashrama where I
lived. People used to say it was a haunted garden, but I
am a sort of demon myself and have not much fear of
ghosts. In that garden there were many lemon trees

108

which bore numerous fruits. At that time, I was suffering
from diarrhoea, and there no food could be had except
bread. So, to increase the digestive powers, I used to
take plenty of lemons. Mixing with Pavhari Baba, I liked
him very much and he also came to love me deeply. One
day, I thought that I did not learn any art for making this
weak body strong, after living with Sri Ramakrishna for
so many years. I had heard that Pavhari Baba knew The
science of Hatha-yoga. So, I thought I would learri the
practice of Hatha-yoga from him. and through it strength¬
en the body. By nature I have a dogged resolution and
whatever I set my heart on, I always carry out. On the
eve of the day on which I was to take initiation, (from
Pavhari Baba), I was lying on a cot thinking and just then
I saw the form of Sri Ramakrishna standing on my right
side, looking steadfastly at me, as if very much grieved.
1 had dedicated myself to him, and at the thought that I
was taking another Guru I was much ashamed and kept
looking at him. Thus, perhaps, two or three hours pass¬
ed, but no words escaped from my mouth. Then he
disappeared all of a sudden. My mind became upset
seeing*Sri Ramakrishna that night; so, I postponed the
idea of initiation from Pavhari Baba for the day. After a
day or two again the idea of initiation from Pavhari Baba
arose in the mind, and again in the night there was the
appearance of Sri Ramakrishna as on the previous occa¬
sion. Thus when for several nights in succession 1 had
the vision of Sri Ramakrishna, I gave up the idea of initia¬
tion altogether, thinking that as every time 1 resolved on
it, I was getting such a vision, then no good but harm
would come from it.

109

Ghazipur: 3-3-90 - The lumbago obstinately
refuses to leave me, and the pain is very great. For the
last few days I haven’t been able to go to see Pavhariji,
but out of his kindness he sends every day for my report,
but, now I see the whole matter is inverted in its bearings!
While I myself have come as a beggar at his door, he turns
round and wants to learn of me! This saint perhaps is
not yet perfected - too much of works, vows, observances,
and'too much of self-concealment.

By my stay here, I have been cured of all other
symptoms of malaria, only the pain in the loins make me
frantic; day and night it is aching and chafes me very

much.I find wonderful endurance in Babaji, and that

is why I am begging something of him, but no inkling of
the mood to give, only receiving and receiving! So, I also
fly off.

To no big person am I going any longer. “Remain,
O mind, within yourself etc,” Says the poet Kamala-
kanta.

So now the great conclusion is that Ramakrishna has
no peer, nowhere else in this world exists that unprece¬
dented perfection, that wonderful kindness for all, that
does not stop to justify itself, that intense sympathy for
the man in bondage. Either he must be an Avatara as he
himself used to say, or else the ever-perfected divine man
of whom the Vedanta speaks as the Free One who assu¬
mes a body for the good of humanity. This is my con¬
viction sure and certain; and the worship of such a divine
man has been referred to by Patanjali in the aphorism;

110

“Or the goal may be attained by meditating on a saint.”
(Patanjal Darshan - aphorisun 1/37: The mind becomes
calm when meditating on a person unattached to sense-
object.)

Ghazipur : 3-3-90- I am a very soft-natured man
in spite of the stern Vedantic views I hold. And this
proves to be my undoing. At the slightest touch, I give
myself away; for howsoever I may try to think only of my
own good, I slip off in spite of myself to think of other
people’s interests. This time it was with a very stern
resolve that I set out to pursue my own good; but I had
to run off at the news of the illness of a brother at
Allahabad. And now comes this news from Hrishikesh,
and my mind has run off with me there.

15-3-90- I am leaving this place tomorrow. Let
me see which way destiny leads!

31-3-90 - I haven’t been here for the last few days
and am again away today. I have asked brother
Gangadhar to come here, and if he comes, we go over to
Benares together. For some special reason, I shall
continue to stay in secret in a village some distance off
this place. The news of his arrival is not yet received
and his health being bad, 1 am very anxious for his sake.
I have behaved very cruelly towards him - that is, I have
harassed him much to make him leave my company.

There is no help.I am so very weak-hearted, so much

overmastered by the distractions of love!... What shall
I say about the condition of my mind! Oh, it is as if the
hell-fire is burning there day and night! Nothing*

Ill

nothing could I do yet! And this life seems muddled
away in vain; I feel quite helpless as to what to do! The
Babaji throws out honeyed words and keeps me from
leaving. Ah, what shall I say? I am... a man driven mad
with mental agonies. Abhedananda is suffering from
dysentery... My Gurubais must be thinking me very cruel
and selfish. Oh, what can I do? Who will see deep down
into my mind? Who will know how much I am suffering
day and night?... My lumbago is as before.

2-4-90 - My salutations to Pramada Babu; his is a
friendship which greatly benefits both my mind and body.
And I am particularly indebted to him. Things will turn
up some way, anyhow.

Baranagore : 10-5-90 - Directly the hot weather
relaxes a little I am off from this place, but I am still at a
loss where to go.

Baghbazar , Cal. 26-5-90 - I am Ramakrishna’s
slave, having laid my body at his feet “with til and tulsi
leaves.” I cannot disregard his behest. If it is in failure
that that great sage laid down his life after having attain¬
ed to superhuman heights of Jnana, Bhakti, Love and
Powers, and after having practised for forty years stern
renunciation, non-attachment, holiness and great
austeries, then where is there anything for us to count on?
So, I am obliged to trust his words as the words of one
identified with Truth.

Now his behest to me was that I should devote
myself to the service of the Order of all-renouncing
devotees founded by him, and in this, I have to persevere.

112

come what may, being ready to take heaven, hell, salvation
or anything that may happen to me.

His command was that his all-renouncing devotees
should group themselves together and I am entrusted
with seeing to this. Of course, it matters not if anyone
of us goes out on visits to this place or that, but these
shall be but visits, while his own opinion was that absolute
homeless wandering suited him alone who was perfected
to the highest point. Before that state, it is proper to
settle somewhere to dive down into practice.

So in pursuance of this his commandment, his group
of Sannyasins are now assembled in a dilapidated house
at Baranagore, and two of his lay disciples, Babu Suresh
Chandra Mitra and Babu Balaram Bose, so long provided
for their food and house-rent.

For various reasons the body of Bhagavan Rama-
krishna had to be consigned to fire... The remains
of his ashes are now preserved, and if they can be now
properly enshrined somewhere on the banks of the
Ganges, I presume we shall be able in some measure to
expiate the sin lying on our head. These sacred remains,
his seat and his picture are everyday worshipped in our
Math in proper form; a brother-disciple of mine, of
Brahmin parentage, is occupied day and night with the
task. The expenses of the worship used also to be borne
by the two great souls mentioned above.

What greater regret there can be than this that no¬
memorial could yet be raised in this land of Bengal in the
very neighbourhood of the place where he lived his life
of sadhana - he by whose birth the race of Bengalees has-

113

been sanctified, the land of Bengal has become hallowed;
he who came on earth to save the Indians from the spell
of the wordly glamour of Western culture, and who,
therefore, chose most of his all-renouncing disciples from
university men?

The two gentlemen mentioned above had a strong
desire to have some land purchased on the banks of the
Ganges and see the sacred remains enshrined on it, with
the disciples living there together; and Suresh Babu had
offered a sum of Rs. 1,000/- for the purpose, promising to
give more, but for some inscrutable purpose of God, he
left this world yesternight! And Balaram Babu’s death
has already occurred.

Now there is no knowing as to where his disciples
will stand with his sacred remains and his seat. The
disciples are Sannyasins and are ready forthwith to depart
anywhere their way may lie. But, I, their servant, am in
an agony of sufferings, and my heart is breaking to think
that a small peice of land could not be had in which to
install the remains of Bhagavan Ramakrishna.

I have not the slightest qualm to beg from door to
door for this noble cause, for the sake of my Lord and
his Children... To my mind, if all these sincere, educated
youthful Sannyasins of good birth fail to live up to the
ideals of Sri Ramakrishna owing to want of an abode and
help, then alas for our country!

If asked. "You are a Sannyasin, so why do you
trouble over these desires?" - I would then reply, "I am
Ramakrishna’s servant, and I am willing even to steal and

114

rob, if by doing so, I can perpetuate his name in the land
of his birth and sadhana, and help even a little his
disciples to practise his great ideals... I have returned to
Calcutta for this reason.

Baghbazar , Cal. 4-6-90 - It is quite true that
the Lord’s Will will prevail. We are spreading out here
and there in small groups of two or three. I got two
letters from Brother Gangadhar. He is at present in' the
house of Gagan Babu, suffering from an attack of
influenza. Gagan Babu is taking special care of him. He
will come here as soon as he recovers.

6-7-90 - I had no wish to leave Ghazipur this time,
and certainly not to come to Calcutta, but Kali’s illness
made me go to Banaras, and Balaram’s sudden death
brought me to Calcutta. So, Suresh babu and Balaram
Babu have both gone! G.C. Ghosh is supporting the
Math...I intend shortly, as soon as I can get my fare, to
go up to Almora and thence to some place in Gharwal on
the Ganges where I can settle down for a long meditation-
Gangadhar is accompanying me. Indeed it was with this
desire and intention that I brought him down from
Kashmir.

I am in fine health now.

I was once travelling in the Himalayas and the long
road stretched before us. We poor monks connot get
any one to carry us, so we had to make all the way on
foot. There was an old man with us. The way goes up
and down for hundreds of miles, and when that old monk
saw what was before him, he said, “Oh, Sir, how to cross

115

it? I cannot walk any more, my chest will break.” I said
to him, “Look down at your feet.” He did so, and I said,
"The road that is under your feet is the road that you see
before you; it will soon be under your feet.” The highest
things are under your feet, because you are Divine Stars;
all these things are under your feet. You can swallow
the stars by the handful if you want; such is your real
nature. Be strong, get beyond all superstition, and be free.

Many times I have been in the jaws of death, starving,
footsore, and weary; for days and days I had had no food,
and often could walk no further; I would sink down
under a tree, and life would seem ebbing away. I could
not speak; I could scarcely think, but at last the mind
reverted to the idea: “I have no fear of death; I never
hunger or thirst. I am it, I am it; the whole of nature
cannot crush me; it is my servant. Assert thy strength,
Thou Lord of Lords and God of Gods! Regain Thy lost
empire! Arise and walk and stop not!” and I would rise
up, re-invigorated, and here am I, living today.

Real monasticism is not easy to attain. There is no
order of life so rigorous as this. If you stumble ever so
little, you are hurled down a precipice - and are smashed
to pieces. One day, I was travelling on foot from Agra
to Vrindaban. There was no farthing with me. I was
about a couple of miles from Vrindaban, when I found a
man smoking on the roadside, and I was seized with a
desire to smoke. I said to the man, “Hello, will you let
me have a puff at your chillum?" He seemed to be
hesitating greatly and said, “Sir, I am a sweeper!” Well,
there was the influence of the old samskaras, and I

116

immediately stepped back and resumed'my journey with¬
out smoking. I had gone a short distance when the
thought occurred to me that I was a Sannyasin who had
renounced caste, family, prestige and everything and still
I drew back as soon as the man gave himself out as a
sweeper, and could not smoke the chillum touched by him!
The thought made me restless at heart: then I had walked
on half a mile. Again, I retraced my steps and came to
the sweeper whom I found still sitting there. I hastened
to tell him, “Do prepare a chillum of tobacco for me, my
dear friend.” I paid no heed to his objection and insisted
on having it. So, the man was compelled to prepare a
chillum for me. Then I gladly had a puff at it and
proceeded to Vrindaban.

You find that in every religion, mortifications and
asceticisms have been practised. In these religious
conceptions the Hindus always go to the extremes. I
once saw a man who had kept his hands raised in this
way, and I asked him how it felt when he did it first.
He said it was awful torture. It was such a torture that
he had to go to a river and put himself in water, and that
allayed the pain for a little while. After a month, he did
not suffer much. Through such practices, powers
(Siddhis) can be attained.

When I was in Jaipur, I met a great grammarian and
felt a desire to study Sanskrit grammar with him.
Although he was a great scholar in that branch, he had
not much aptitude for teaching. He explained to me the
commentary on the first aphorism for three days conti¬
nuously, still I could not grasp a bit of it. On the fourth

117

day, the teacher got amazed and said, “Swamiji, I could
not make you understand the meaning of the first
aphorism even in three days; I fear, you will not be much
benefited by my teaching.” Hearing these words, a great
self-reproach came over me. Putting food and sleep aside,
I set myself to study the commentry on the first aphorism
independently. Within three hours the sense of the
commentary stood explained before me as clearly as any¬
thing* Then going to my teacher, I gave him the sense of
the whole commentary. My teacher, hearing me said,
“How could you gather the sense so excellently within
three hours, which I failed to explain to you in three
days?”. After that, every day, I began to read chapter
after chapter, with great ease. Through concentration
of mind everything can be accomplished - even mountains
can be crushed to atoms. , - '

In Malabar.the women lead in everything.

Exceptional cleanliness is apparent everywhere, and there
is the great impetus to learning. When I myself was in
that country, I met many women who spoke good
Sanskrit, while in the rest of India, not one woman in a
million can speak it.

Once while I was putting up at Manmatha Babu’s
place (in Madras), I dreamt one night that my mother
had died. My mind became much distracted. Not to
speak of correspondence with anybody at home, I used to
send no letters in those days even to our Math, (at
Baranagore). The dream being disclosed to Manmatha,
be sent a wire to Calcutta to ascertain facts about the
matter. For the dream had made my mind uneasy on the

118

one hand, and on the other, our Madras friends with all
arrangements ready, were insisting on my departing for
America immediately, and I felt rather unwilling to leave
before getting any news of my mother. So Manmatha,
who discerned this state of my mind suggested our repair¬
ing to a man living some way off from town, who having
acquired mystic powers over spirits could tell fortunes,
and read the past and future of man’s life. So at
Manmatha’s request and to get rid of my mental suspense,
I agreed to go to this man. Covering the distance partly
by railway and partly on foot, we four of us - Manmatha,
Alasinga, myself and another - managed to reach the
place, and what met our eyes there was a man with
ghoulish, haggard, sootblack appearance, sitting close to a
cremation ground. His attendents used some Madrassi
dialect to explain to us that this was the man with perfect
power over the ghosts. At first, the man took absolutely
no notice of us, and then, when we were about to retire
from the place, he made a request to us to wait.

Our Alasinga was acting as the interpreter and he
explained the request to us. Next, the man commenced
drawing some figures with a pencil, and presently I found
him getting perfectly still in mental concentration. Then,
he began to give out my name, my genealogy, the history
of my long line of forefathers, and said that Sri
Ramakrishna was keeping close to me all through my
wanderings, intimating also to me good news about my
mother. He also foretold that I would have to go very
soon to far-off lands for preaching religion. Getting good
news thus about my mother, we all travelled back to
town, and after arrival there, received by wire from

119

Calcutta the assurance of mother’s doing well. Everything
that the man had foretold came to be fulfilled to the
letter, call it some fortuitous occurrence or anything you
will.

I know very little of this science (of mind); but for
the little that I gained, I worked for thirty years of my
life, and for six years I have been telling people the little
that I know. It took me thirty years to learn it; thirty
years of hard struggle. Sometimes I worked at it twenty
-hours during the twenty-four. Sometimes I slept only
one hour in the night; sometimes I worked whole nights;*
sometimes I lived in places where there was hardly a
sound, hardly a breath: sometimes I had to live in caves.
Think of that. And yet I know little or nothing. I have
barely touched the hem of the garment of this science.
But, I can understand that it is true and vast and
wonderful.

I have met some who told me they did remember
their previous life. They had reached a point where they
could remember their former incarnations.

When I became a Sannyasin I consciously took the
step, knowing that this body would have to die of star¬
vation. What of that, I am a beggar. My friends are
poor. I love the poor, I welcome poverty. I am glad
that I sometimes have to starve.

In the course of my wanderings, I was in a certain
place where people came to me in crowds and asked for
instruction. Though it seems almost unbelievable, people
came and made me talk for three days and nights without

120

giving me a moment’s rest. They did not even ask me
whether I had eaten. On the third night, when all the
visitors had left, a lowcaste poor man came up to me and
said, “Swamiji, I am much pained to see that you have
not had any food these three days. You must be very
tired and hungry. Indeed, I have noticed that you have
not even taken a glass of water!” I thought that the
Lord Himself had come in the form of this lowcaste man
to test me. I asked him, ‘‘Can you give me something to
eat?” The man said, ‘‘Swamiji, my heart is yearning to
» give you food; but how can you eat chapaties baked by
my hands; If you allow me, I shall be most glad to bring
flour, lentils, and other things and you may cook them
yourself.” At that time, according to the monastic rules,
I did not touch fire. So I said to him, “You had better
give me the chapaties cooked by you. I will gladly take
them.” Hearing this, the man shrank in fear; he was a
subject of the Maharajah of Khetri and was afraid that
if the latter came to hear that he, a cobbler, had given
Chapatis to a Sannyasin, he would be severely dealt with
and possibly banished from the State. I told him,
however, that he need not fear and the Maharajah would
not punish him. He did not belive me. But out of the
kindness of his heart, even though he feared the conse¬
quence, he brought me the cooked food. I doubted at
that time whether it would have been more palatable if
Indra, a King of the Devas, should have held a cup of
nectar in a golden basin before me. I shed tears of love
and gratitude and thought, “Thousands of such large -
hearted men live in lowly huts, and we despise them as
lowcastes and untouchables.” When I became well

121

acquainted with the Maharajah, I told him of the noble
act of this man. Accordingly, within a few days the latter
was called to the presence of the prince. Frightened
beyond words, the man came shaking all over, thinking
that some dire punishment was to be inflicted upon him.
But the Maharajah praised him and put him beyond all
want.

O, the days of suffering I passed throughl Once after
eating nothing for three days, I fell down senseless on the
road. I did not know how long I was in that state.
When I regained my consciousness I found my clothing
wet through a shower of rain. Drenched in it, I felt
somewhat refreshed. I arose, and after trudging along
some distance, I reached a monastery, and my life was
saved by the food I received there.

I find that whenever I have made a mistake in my
life, it has always been because self entered into the
calculation; where self has not been involved, my judge¬
ment has gone straight to the mark.

I had from before a desire to go to Chicago. When
at Madras, the people there of their own accord, in
conjunction with the H. H. of Mysore and Ramnad, made
every arrangement to send me up...Between the H. H. of
Khetri and myself there exist the closest ties of love.
Well, I, as a matter of course, wrote to him that I was
going to America. Now the Raja of Khetri thought in
his love that I was bound to see him once before I
departed, especially as the Lord gave him an heir to the
throne and great rejoicings were going on there«*«and to

122

make sure of my coming he sent his Private Secretary all
the way to Madras to fetch me. *

There were my Gurubhais at Junagad...Of them one
is our leader. I met them after three years and we came
together as far as Abu and then I left them.

Margoa : 1893- I reached here safe. I went to
visit Panjim and a few other villages and temples nearby.
I returned just today. I have given up the intentidn of
visiting Gokarna, Mahabaleswar and other places. I start
for Dharwar by the morning train tomorrow. Doctor
Yogdekar’s friend was very hospitable to me. The town
of Panjim is very neat and clean. Most of the Christians
here are literate. The Hindus are mostly uneducated.

You see, in my travels through India all these years,
I have come across many a great soul, many a heart
overflowing with loving kindness, sitting at their feet I
used to feel a mighty current of strength coursing into my
heart, and the few words I tell you are only through the
force of that current gained by coming in contact with
them. Do not think I am myself something greatl

Abu : 30-4-91 - The two Commander Sahebs...
being men of high position were very kind to a poor
Fakir like me.

Baroda : 26-4-92- I had not the least difficulty
in reaching the house ( of Sri Haridas Viharidas Desai,
Dewan of Junagad ) from the station of Nadiad*>*Mr.
Manibhai has provided every comfort for me...As to his
company, I have only seen him twice; once for a minute

123

and the other for 10 minutes at the most when he talked
about the system of education here. Of course, I have
seen the library and the pictures of Ravi Varma and that
is about all worth seeing here. So, I am going off this
evening to Bombay... At Nadiad, I met Mr. Manilal
Nanubhai. He is a very learned and pious gentleman
and I enjoyed his company much.

Poona: 15-6-92 -1 came down with the Thakore
Saheb of Mahabaleshwar and I am living here with him.
I would remain here a week or more and then proceed to

Rameshwar via Hyderabad.I saw the Surti tutor to

the Prince of Bhavnagar - He is a perfect gentleman. It
was quite a privilege to make his acquaitance, he is so
good and noble-natured a man.

Bombay: 22-8-92 - Yesterday I saw Mr.
Manahashukharam who has lodged a Sannyasi friend with
him. He is very kind to me and so is his son... After
remaining here for 15 or 20 days I would proceed towards
Rameshwar.

Hyderabad: 21-2-93- A young graduate came
to receive me at the station, and also a Bengali gentleman,
At present I am living with the Bengali gentleman;
(father of late Sarojini Naidu-Dr. Aghorenath Chatterjee)
tomorrow, I go to live with the young friend for a few
days and then I see the different sights here, and in a

few days expect to be at Madras.I cannot bear

heat at all. So the next thing I would do would be to go
back to Bangalore and then to Ootacamund to pass the
summer there. My brain boils in heat.

124

*

So all my plans have been dashed to the ground.
That is why I wanted to hurry off from Madras early.
In that case, I would have months left in my hands to
seek for somebody amongst our nothern princes to send
me over to America. But alas, it is now too late. First,
I cannot wander about in this heat - I would die.
Secondly, my fast friends in Rajputana would keep me
bound down to their sides if they get hold of me and
would not let me go over to Europe. So my plan was to
get hold of some new person without my friend's know¬
ledge. But this delay at Madras has dashed all my hopes
to the ground, and with a deep sigh, I give it up and the
Lord’s will be done ! “Thy will be done on earth as it is
in heaven, for Thine is the glory and the Kingdom for
ever and ever.

Khetri : 27-4-93 - As to my taking ship I have

already made arrangements from Bombay.The Raja

or my Gurubhais would be the last men to put any

obstacles in my way.As for the Rajaji, his love for me

is simply without limit.

Khetri : 28-4-93 - I am shortly going back to

Bombay, say in 20 days.Here the Khetri Rajaji was

very, very anxious to see me and sent his Private
Secretary to Madras; and so I was bound to leave for
Khetri. But the heat is quite intolerable and so, I am
flying off very soon... I have made the acquaintances of
nearly all the Dakshini Rajas and have seen most queer
sights in many places... I saw Ratilalbhai in the train.
He is the same nice and kind gentleman.

125

Bombay: 22-5-93 - Reached Bombay a few days

ago and would start off in a few days.The Private

Secretary to H.H. of Khetri and I are now residing
together. I cannot express my gratitude to him for his
love and kindness to me. He is what they call a Tazimi
Sardar in Rajaputana, i.e., one of those whom the Rajas
receive by rising from their seats. Still he is so simple
and sometimes his service for me makes me almost
asharmed.

The companionship of the holy and the wise is one of the main
elements of spiritual progress. -

- SRI RAMAKRISHNA.

The first work that demands our attention is that the most
wonderful truths confined in our Upanishads. in our Scriptures, in
our Puranas - must be brought out from the books and scattered
broadcast all over the land. -

- SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

126

CHAPTER V.

THE DIVINE CALL AND THE CHICAGO
PARLIAMENT OF RELIGIONS

I do not take into any consideration whether people
accept Sri Ramakrishna’s name or not, but I am ready to
lay down my life to help his teachings, his life and his
message spread all over the world.

I am called by the Lord for this. I have been dragged
through a whole life full of crosses and tortures; I have
seen the nearest and dearest die, almost of starvation: I
have been ridiculed, distrusted, and have suffered for my
sympathy for the very men who scoff and scorn me.

I do not care for liberation, or for devotion; I would
rather go to a hundred thousand hells, “doing good to
others (silently) like the spring’' - this is my religion.

Yes, my own life is guided by the enthusiasm of a
certain great personality, but what of that? Inspiration
was never filtered out to the world through one man!

It is true I believe Ramakrishna Paramahamsa to
have been inspired. But then I myself am inspired also.

I belong as much to India as to the world...What
country has any special claim on me? Am I any nation’s
slave?

I see a greater Power than man, or God, or devil,
at my back.

I do not believe in any politics. God and truth are
the only politics in the world, everything else is trash.

127 .

Truth is my God, the universe my country.

Before proceeding to America, I wrote to Mother
(Sri Sarada Devi) to bless me. Her blessings came and
at one bound, I cleared the ocean.

1893: The Parliament of Religions is being organised
* for this (.pointing to himself) - My mind tells me so. You
will see it verified at no distant date.

Bombay : 24-5-95 - Arrangements are all ready
for my starting for America on the 31st next. The
Private Secretary to the Maharajah of Khetri has come
here to see me off.

I want to give them dry, hard reason, softened in the
sweetest syrup of love and made spicy with intense work,
and cooked in the kitchen of Yoga, so that even a baby
can easily digest it.

To put the Hindu ideas into English and then make
out of dry philosophy and intricate Mythology and queer
startling psychology, a religion which shall be easy, simple,
popular, and at the same time, meet the requirements of
the highest minds - is a task only those can understand
who have attempted it. The abstract Advaita must become
living - poetic in everyday life; out of hopelessly intricate
Mythology must come concrete moral forms; and out of
bewildering Yogi-ism must come the most scientific and
practical psychology - and all this must be put in a form
that a child may grasp it; that is my life’s work.

From Bombay we reached Colombo. Our steamer
remained in port nearly the whole day, and we took the

. 128

opportunity of getting off to have a look at the town.
We v drove through the streets and the only thing I
remember was a temple in which there was a gigantic
Murti (image) of the Lord Budha in a reclining posture,
entering Nirvana.

The next station was Penang, which is only a strip of
land along the sea in the body of the Malay Peninsula.
On our way from Penang to Singapore, we had glimpses of
Sumatra with its high mountains, and the captain pointed
out to me several places as the favourite haunts of pirates
in days gone by.

Singapore has a fine botanical garden with the most
splendid collection of palms. The beautiful fan-like palm
called the traveller’s palm, grows here in abundance, and
the breadfruit tree is everywhere. The celebrated
mangosteen is as plentiful here as mangoes in Madras,
but mango is nonpareil. Singapore possesses a fine
museum, too.

Hong Kong next. Yon feel you have reached China,
the Chinese element predominates so much. All labour,
all trade seems to be in their hands. And Hong Kong is
real China. As soon as the steamer casts anchor, you are
besieged by hundreds of Chinese boats to carry you to
the land. These boats with two helms are rather peculiar.
The boatman lives in the boat with his family. Almost
always the wife is at the helms managing one with her
hands and the other with one of her feet. And in ninety
per cent cases, you find a baby tied to her back, with the
hands and feet of the little Chin left free. It is a quaint
sight to see the little John Chinaman dangling very

129

quietly from his mother’s back, while she is now setting
with might and main, now pushing heavy loads, or
jumping with wonderful ability from boat to boat. And
there is such a rush of boats and steam launches coming
in and going out, Baby John is every moment put into the
risk of having his little head pulverised, pigtail and all;
but he does not care a fig. This busy life seems to have
no charm for him, and he is quite content to learn the
anatomy of a bit of rice cake given to him from time to
time by the madly busy mother. The Chinese child is
quite a philosopher, and calmly goes to work at an age
when your Indian boy can hardly crawl on all fours.

Hong Kong is a very beautiful town. It is built on
the slopes of hills and on the tops too, which are much
cooler than the city. There is an almost perpendicular
tramway going to the top of the hill, dragged by wire-rope
and steam-power.

We remained three days at Hong Kong and went to
see Canton, which is eighty miles up a river. What a
scene of bustle and life! What an immense number of
boats almost covering the waters! And not only those
that are carrying on the trade, but hundreds of others
which serve as houses to live in. And quite a lot of them
so nice and big. In fact, they are big houses two or three
stories high, with verandahs running round, and streets
between and all floating.

We landed on a strip of ground given by the Chinese
Government to foreigners to live in. Around us on both
sides of the river for miles and miles is the big city - a

130

wilderness of human beings, pushing, struggling, surging,
roaming. But, with all its population, all its activity, it is
the dirtiest town I saw. Yet not a speck of filth is
allowed by the Chinese to go waste; every house is a shop,
people living only on the top-floor. The streets are very
very narrow, so that you almost touch the shops on both
sides as you pass.

I went to see several temples. The biggest in Canton
is dedicated to the memory of the first Buddhistic
Emperor, and the five hundred first disciples of Buddhism.
The central figure is of course Buddha, and next beneath
Him, is seated the Emperor, and ranging on both sides
are the statues of the disciples, all beautifully carved out
of wood.

From Canton back to Hong Kong, and thence to
Japan. The first port we touched was Nagasaki. We
landed for a few hours and drove through the town,
What a contrast! The Japanese are one of the cleanliest
peoples on earth. Everything is neat and tidy. Their
streets are all broad, straight and regularly paved. Their
little houses are cagelike, and their pine-covered ever
green little hills form the background of almost every
town and village. Japan is the land of the picturesque!
Almost every house has a garden at the back, very nicely
laid out according to Japanese fashion with small shrubs,
grassplots, small artificial waters and small stone bridges.

From Nagasaki to Kobe. Here I gave up the steamer
and took the land route to Yokohama, with a view to see
the interior of Japan.

131

1 have seen three big cities in the interior - Osaka, a
great manufacturing town; Kioto, the former capital,
and Tokyo, the present capital. Tokyo is nearly twice
the size of Calcutta with nearly double the population.

The match factories are simply a sight to see.

I saw quite a lot of temples. In every temple, there
are sopie Sanskrit Mantras written in old Bengali chara¬
cters. Only a few of the priests know Sanskrit. But
they are an intelligent sect.

I have heard in Japan that it was the belief of the
girls of that country that their dolls would be animated if
they were loved with all their heart. The Japanese girl
never breaks her doll.

There in Japan, you find a fine assimilation of
knowledge...They have taken everything from the
Europeans, but they remain Japanese all the same, and
have not turned Europeans...They are great as a nation
because of their art.

And one special feature about them (the Japanese)
is this: that while in Europe and elsewhere Art generally
goes with dirt, Japanese Art is Art plus absolute clean¬
liness...The Japanese think that everything Hindu is great,
and believe that India is a holy land. Japanese Buddhism
is entirely different from what you see in Ceylon. It is
the same’as Vedanta . It is positive and theistic Buddhism.

I hold the Mahayana to be older of the two schools
of Buddhism.

132

The theory of Maya is as old as the Rik Samhita,
The Shvetashvatara Upanishad contains the wop
“Maya”. I hold^ifSt Upanishad to be at least older than
Buddhism.

I have had much light of late about Buddhism, and
I am ready to prove :

1. That Shiva worship in various forms antedated
the Buddhists, that the Buddhists tried to take hold of
the sacred places of the Shaivas but failing in that, made
new places in the precints just as you find now at Bodh -
Gaya and Sarnath (Benares).

2. The story in the Agni-Purana about Gayasura
does not refer to Budha at all - as Dr. Rajendralal will
have it - but simply to a pre-existing story.

3. Gaya was a place of ancestor-worship already,
and foot-print worship the Buddhists copied from the
Hindus.

4. That Buddha went to live on Gaya-sirsha moun¬
tain proves the pre-existence of the place.

5. About Banaras, even the oldest records go to
prove it as the great place of Shiva-worship etc. etc.

In China and Japan, on the walls of all temples I have
observed various monosyllabic Mantrams written in big
gilt letters, which approach the Bengali characters so
much that you could easily make out the resemblance.

I thought, I have tried India; it is time tor me to try
another country. At that time the Parliament of

133

Religions was to be held, and someone was to be sent
from India. I was just a vagabond, but I said, “If you
send me, I am going. I have not much to lose, and I
don’t care if I lose that.” It was very difficult to find
the money, but after a long struggle, they got together
just enough to pay for my passage - and I came - came one
or two months earlier, so that I found myself drifting
about # in the streets here, without knowing anybody.

That I went to America was not my doing, or your
doing, but the God of India, who is guiding her destiny
sent me.

In view specially of the poverty and ignorance
(in India), I had no sleep. At Cape Comorin, sitting in
Mother Kumari’s temple, sitting on the last bit of Indian
rock - I hit upon a plan: the first thing we need is men,
and the next is funds. Through the grace of the Guru,
I was sure to get men. I next travelled in search of funds.
I have come to America to earn money myself and then
return to my country, and devote the rest of my days to
the realisation of this one aim of my life:

Metcalf (Mass. U.S.A) 20-8-1893 - From Japan
I reached Vancouver. The way was by the Northern
Pacific. It was very, cold and I suffered much for want
of warm clothing. However, I reached Vancouver any¬
how, and thence went through Canada to Chicago.
I remained about 12 days in Chicago. And almost every¬
day I used to go to the Fair. It was a tremendous affair.
The lady to whom Varada Rao introduced me, and her
husband, belong to the highest Chicago society, and they
were so very kind to me. I took my departure from

134

Chicago and came to Boston. Mr. Lulloobhoy was with
me up to Boston. He was very kind to me.

The expense I am bound to run into here is awful...
On an average it costs me £1 everyday; a cigar costs eight
annas of our money. The Americans are so rich that they
spend money like water, and by forced legislation keep
up the price of everything so high that no other nation
on earth can approach it. Every common coolie earns
nine or ten rupees a day, and spends it. All those rosy
ideas we had before starting have melted, and I have now
to fight against impossibilities. A hundred times I had a
mind to go out of the country and go back to India. But,
I am determined and I have a call from above; 1 see no
way, but His eyes see. And I must stick to my guns,
life or death...

Just now I am living as the guest of an old lady in a
village near Boston. I accidently made her acquaintance in
the railway train, and she invited me to come over and live
with her. I have an advantage in living with her, saving
for some time my expenditure of £1 per day; and she has
the advantage of inviting her friends over here, and
showing them a curio from Indial And all this must be
borne. Starvation, cold, hooting in the streets on account
of my quaint dress, these are what I have tonight against.
But, my dear boy, no great things were ever done without
great labour.

This is the land of Christians, and any other influence
than that is almost zero. Nor do I care a bit for the
enmity of any “ists“ of the world. I am here amongst

135

the children of the Son of Mary, and the Lord Jesus will
help me. They like much the broad views of Hinduism
and my love for the Prophet of Nazareth. I tell them
I preach nothing against the Great One of Galilee. I only
ask the Christians to take in the Great Ones of India
along with the Lord Jesus, and they appreciate it.

Yesterday, Mrs. Johnson, the lady superintendent of
the women’s prison, was here. They don’t call it prison
but reformatory. It is the grandest thing I have seen in
America. How the. inmates are benevolently , treated,**
now beautiful, you must see to believe! And 7 , oh, how^
my heart ached to think of what we think of the poor,
the low in India. They have no chance, no escape, no
way to climb up. The poor, the low, the sinner in India
have no friends, no help - they cannot rise, try however
they may. They sink lower and lower everyday, they
feel the blows showered upon them by a cruel society,
and they do not know whence the blow comes. They
have forgotten that they too are men. Thoughtful people
within the last few years have seen it, but unfortunately
laid it at the door of the Hindu religion, and to them the
only way of bettering is by crushing this grandest Religion
of the world. Hear me, my friend, I have discovered the
secret through the grace of the Lord. Religion is not at
fault. On the other hand, your religion teaches you that
every being is only your own self multiplied. But it was
the want of practical application, the want of sympathy -
the want of heart. The Lord once more came to you as
Buddha and taught you how to feel, how to sympathise
with the poor, the miserable, the sinner, but you heard
him not...

136

I have travelled twelve years with this load in my
heart and this idea in my head. 1 have gone from door
to door of the so-called rich and great...

With a bleeding heart I have crossed half the world
to this strange land, seeking for help. The Lord is great.
I know He will help me.

From the village Breezy Meadows, I am going to
Boston tomorrow. I am going to speak at a big Ladies’
Club there, which is helping Ramabai...People gather
by hundreds in the streets to see me. So what I want is
to dress myself in a long black coat, and keep a red robe
and turban to wear when I lecture. This is what they
advise me to do.

In America, there are no classes in the railway except
in Canada. So. I have to travel first class, as that is the
only class; but I do not venture in the ‘Pullmans’. They
are very comfortable - you sleep, eat, drink, even bathe
in them, just as if you were in a hotel, - but they are too
expensive.

It is very hard work getting into society and making
yourself heard...After such a struggle, I am not going to
give up easily. Rome was not built in a day...I hope
everything will come right...I am trying my best to find
any plank I can float upon.

Even now it is so cold in New England that everyday
we have fire night and morning. Canada is still colder.
I never saw snow on such low hills as there.

137

Metcalf , Mass: Aug. 20 , 93 - I am going to
speak before a large society of ladies in Salem on Monday.
And that will introduce me to many more.

I do not know whether I shall go back to Chicago or
not. My friends there wanted me to represent India and
the gentleman whom V introduced me to is one of the
Directors of the Fair. But, I refused as I would have to
spend all my little stock of money in remaining more than
a month in Chicago.

Salem (USA) : 30-8-93 - I am going off from
here today. I have received an invitation with full direc¬
tions from Mr. Sanborn. So I am going to Saratoga on
Monday.

Salem : Sept 4,93 - I have received a letter from
Mr. Theles of Chicago giving the names of some of the
delegates and other things about the Congress.

Mr. Sanborn has written to me to come over to
Saratoga on Monday (6th) and I am going accordingly.

I would stop then at a boarding house called Sanatorium.

I am the first monk to come over to these western
countries. It is the first time in the history of the world
that a Hindu monk crossed the ocean.

When I, a poor, unknown, friendless Sannyasin was,,
going to America, going beyond the waters to America
without any introductions or friends there, I called on
the leader of the Theosophical Society. Naturally I
thought, he being an Ametican and a lover of India,
perhaps, would give me a letter of introduction to some-

138

body there. He asked me,. “Will you join my society?”
“No”, I replied, “How can I ? For I do not believe in
most of your doctrines.” “Then, I am sorry I cannot do
anything for you,” he answered. That was not paving
the way for me. I reached America through the help of a
few friends in Madras. I arrived in America several
months before the Parliament of Religions began. The
money I had with me was little, and it was soon spent.
Winter approached and I had only thin summer clothes.
I did not know what to do in that cold, dreary climate,
for if I went to beg in the streets, the result would be
that I would be sent to jail. There I was with the last
few dollars in my pocket.

I sent a wire to my friends in Madras. This came to
be known to the Theosophists, and one of them wrote,
“Now the devil is going to die; God bless us all.” Was
that paving the way for me ? I would not have men¬
tioned this, but as my countrymen wanted to know, it
must come out. For three years, I have not opened my
lips about these things. Silence has been my motto; but,
today the thing has come out. That was not ail. I saw
some Theosophists in the Parliament of Religions, and I
wanted to talk and mix with them. I remember the
looks of scorn which were on their faces as much as to
say, “What business has this worm to be here in the
midst of the Gods ?”

Chicago : 20-9-93 - I came here to seek aid for
my improverished people, and I fully realised how diffi¬
cult it was to get help for the heathen from Christians in
a Christian land.

139

I must try to the end. First I will try in America,
and if I fail, I will try in England; if I fail there, too, I
can go back to India, and wait for further commands
from On High.

It must be particularly remembered that the same
ideals and activities do not prevail in all societies and
countries. Our ignorance of this is the main cause of
much of the hatred of one nation towards another. It is
very harmful; it is the cause of half the uncharitableness
found in the world. When I came to this country
(America) and was going through the Chicago Fair, a
man from behind pulled at my turban. I looked back
and saw that he was a very gentlemanly looking man,
neatly dressed. I spoke to him, and when he found that
I knew English he became very much abashed. On
another occasion, in the same Fair, another man gave me
a push. When I asked him the reason, he also was
ashamed and stammered out an apology saying, “Why
do you dress that way 1“ The sympathies of these men
were limited within the range of their own language and
their own fashion of dress. Much of the oppression of
powerful nations on weaker ones is caused by this preju¬
dice. It dries up their fellow feeling for fellow-men.
That very man who asked me why I did not dress as he
did and wanted to ill-treat me because of my dress, may
have been a very good man, a good father and a good
citizen; but the kindliness of his nature died out as soon
as he saw a man in a different dress!

Before I knew the customs of this country (America)

I received such a shock when the son, in a very refined

140

family, got up and called the mother by name ! However,
I got used to that. But with us (in India) we never
pronounce the name of our parents. ^y aA - c "

I belong to an Order very much like what you have
in the Mendicant Friars of the Catholic Church; that is
to say, we have to go about without very much in the
way of dress and beg from door to door, live thereby,
preach to people when they want it, sleep where we can
get a place - that way we have to follow. And the rule
is that the members of this Order have to call every
woman “mother”. Coming to the West, that old habit
remained and I would say to ladies, “Yes mother,” and
they were horrified. I couldn’t understand why they
should be horrified. Later on, I discovered the reason;
because that would mean that they were old!

Power comes to him who observes unbroken Brahma-
chatya for a period of twelve years, with the sole object
of realising God. I have practised that kind of Brahma-
charya myself, and so a screen has been removed, as it
were, from my brain. For that reason, I need not any
more think over or prepare myself for any lectures on a
subtle subject as philosophy. Suppose I have to lecture
tomorrow, all that I shall speak about will pass tonight
before my eyes like so many pictures; and the next day,
I put into words during my lecture all those things that
I saw.

I can know them (all about my previous births) -1
do know them - but I prefer not to say anything
in detail.

141

Chicago: 2-10-93 - I dropped on the Congress
in the eleventh hour, and quite unprepared, and that
kept me very busy for some time. I was speaking almost
everyday in the Congress. The Congress is now over.

I was so afraid to stand before that great assembly of
fine speakers and thinkers from all over the world and
speak, but the Lord gave me strength and I almost every¬
day heriocally faced the audience. If I have done well.
He gave me the strength for it.

Prof. Bradley was very kind to me and he always
cheered me on. And oh ! everybody is so kind here to
me who am nothing. Glory unto Him in the highest in
whose sight the poor ignorant monk from India is the
same as the learned divines of this mighty land. And
how the Lord is helping me-®very day of my life -1
sometimes wish for a life of million ages to serve Him
through the work dressed in rags and fed by charity.

Here were some of sweet ones from India-the tender¬
hearted Buddhist Dhammapal and the orator Mazoomdar.

Col. Higginson, a very broad man, was very
sympathetic to me. I am going to Evanston tomorrow
and hope to see Prof.Bradley there.

At first in America I was almost out of water. I
was afraid I would have to give up the accustomed way
of being guided by the Lord and cater for myself - and
what a horrid piece of mischief and ingratitude was that.
1 now clearly see that He who was guiding me on the
snow tops of the Himalayas and the burning plains of
India is here to help me and guide me. Glory unto Him

142

in the highest. So I have calmly fallen in my old ways.
Somebody or other gives me a shelter and food and
somebody or other comes to ask me to speak about Him
and I know He sends them and mine is to obey. And
then He is supplying my necessities, and His will be done.

So it is in Asia, so in Europe, so in America, so in
the deserts of India, so in the rush of business in
America, for is He not here also ?

Oh, He is so full of fun. He is always playing -
Sometimes with great big balls which we call the sun
and earth, sometimes with little children, and laughing.
How funny to see Him and play with Him !

When I come to Chicago, I always go to see Mr.
and Mrs. Lyons, one of the noblest couples I have
seen here.

Chicago : 10-10-93 - Just now I am lecturing
about Chicago, and I am doing, as I think, very well - it
is ranging from 30 to 80 dollars a lecture and just now
I have been so well advertised in Chicago gratis by the
Parliament of Religions. Yesterday I returned from
Streater where I got 87 dollers for a lecture. I have
engagements every day this week.

26-10-93 - I am doing very well here. Almost
everybody has been very kind to me, except of course
the very orthodox. Many of the men brought together
here from far off lands have got projects and ideas and
missions to carry out. But I thought better and have
given up speaking about my project entirely ~ because I
am sure now - the heathen draws more than his project.

143

So I want to go to work earnestly for my own project
only keeping the project in the backround and working
like any other lecturer.

He who has brought me hither and has not left me
yet will not leave me ever. Of course, I am too green
in the business (of getting money), but would soon learn
the trade. I am very popular in Chicago. So I want to
stay here a little more and get money.

Tomorrow, I am going to lecture on Buddhism at
the ladies’ fortnightly club-which is the most influential
in this City. I think the success of my project probable.

2-11-93 - At a village near Boston, I made the
acquaintance of Dr. Wright, Professor of Greek in the
Harvard University. He sympathised with me very much
and urged upon me the necessity of going to the Parlia¬
ment of Religions, which he thought would give me an
introduction to the nation. As I was not acquainted
with anybody, the Professor undertook to arrange every¬
thing for me, and eventually I came back to Chicago.
Here the oriental and occidental delegates to the Parlia¬
ment of Religions and 1 were all lodged in the house of
a gentleman.

' On the morning of the opening of the Parliament,
we were all assembled in a building called the Art
Palace, where one huge and other smaller temporary
halls were rented for the sittings of the Parliament. Men
from all nations were there. From India were Mazoom~
dar of the Brahmo Samaj, and Nagarkar of Bombay, Mr.
Gandhi representing the Jains, and Mr. Chakravarti

144

representing Theosophy with Mrs. Annie Besant. Of
these, Mazoomdar and I were, ot course, old friends, and
Chakravarti knew me by name. There was a grand
procession, and we were all marshalled on to the
platform.

Imagine a hall below and a huge gallery above,
packed with six or seven thousand men and women
representing the best culture of the country' and oo the
platform learned men of all the nations of the earth.
And I, who never spoke in public in my life, to address
this august assemblage! It was opened in great form
with music and ceremony and speeches; then the dele¬
gates were introduced one by one, and they stepped up
and spoke. Of course, my heart was fluttering and my
tongue nearly dried up; I was so nervous, and could not
venture to speak in the morning. Mazoomdar made a
nice speech, Chakravarti a nicer one, and they were
much applauded. They were all prepared and came
with ready-made speeches. I was a fool and had none,
but bowed down to Devi Saraswati, and stepped up, and
Dr. Barrows introduced me. I made a short speech. I
addressed the assembly as “Sisters and Brothers of
America,”—a deafening applause of two minutes followed
and then I proceeded and when it was finished I sat
down, almost exhausted with emotion. The next day
ail the papers announced that my speech was the hit of
the day, and I became known to the whole of America,
Truly has it been said by the great commentator Sridhara
41 3% ” 44 Who maketh the dumb a fluent

speaker. 1 * His name be praised ! From that day I became
a celebrity and the day I read my paper on Hinduism * the

145

hall was packed as it had never been before. 1 quote
from one of the papers : “Ladies, ladies, ladies packing
every place-filling every corner, they patiently waited
and waited while the papers that separated them from
Vivekananda were read,’ etc. Suffice it to say that
whenever I went on the platform a defeaning applause
would be raised for me. Nearly all the papers paid
high tributes to me, and even the most bigoted had to
admit that “This man with his handsome face and
magnetic presence and wonderful oratory is the most
prominent figure in the Parliament’ etc.

I have no more wants now. I am well off, and all
the money that I require to visit Europe I shall get from
here...

/

Many of the handsomest houses in this city are open
to me. All the time I am living as a guest of somebody
or other.

The Lord will provide evrything for -me...Day by
day I am feeling that the Lord is with me, and I am trying
to follow His direction. His will be done... We will do
great things for the world, and that for the sake of doing
good and not for name and fame.

It is a great art to press the largest amount of thought
into the smallest number of words. Even,—*s paper
had to be cut very short. More than a thousand papers
were read, and there was no time to give to wild
perorations. I had a good long time given to me over
the ordinary half hour, because the most popular speakers
were always put down last, to hold the audience. And

146

Lord bless them, what sympathy they have, and what
patience! They would sit from ten o’ clock in the morning
to ten o’ clock at night-only a recess of half an hour for
a meal, and paper after paper read, most of them very
trivial, but they would wait and wait to hear their
favourite.

Dharmapapala of Ceylon vas one of the favourites.•.
He is a very sweet man, and we became very intimate
during the Parliament.

Lecturing is a very profitable occupation in this
country and sometimes pays well. Mr. Ingersoll gets
five to six hundred dollars a lecture. He is the most
celebrated lecturer in this country.

I spoke at the Parliament of Religions; with what
effect I may quote to you from a few newspapers and
magazines ready at hand. 1 need not be self-conceited,
but I say that no Hindu made such an impression in
America, and if my coming has done anything, it has
done this that the Americans have come to know that
India even today produces men at whose feet even the
most civilized nations may learn lessons of religion and
morality. Don’t you think that is enough to say for the
Hindu nation sending over here their Sannyasin?...

These I quote from the journals: “But eloquent as
were many of the brief speeches, no one expressed as
well the spirit of the Parliament (of Religions) and its
limitations as the Hindu monk. I copy his address in
full but I can only suggest its effect upon the audience
for he is an orator by Divine Right and his strong intelli-

147

gent face in its pictureque setting of yellow and orange
was hardly less interesting than these earnest words and
the rich rhythmical utterance he gave them” (here the
speech is quoted in extenso) - New York Critique.

‘‘He has preached in clubs and churches until his
faith has become familiar to us...His culture, his
eloquence and his fascinating personality have given us
a new idea of Hindu civilisation... His fine, intelligent
face and his deep musical voice, prepossessing one at
once in his favour ...He speaks without notes, present¬
ing his facts and his conclusions with the greatest art
and the most convincing sincerity, and rising often to
rich inspiring eloquence” Ibid.

“Vivekananda is undoubtedly the greatest figure in
the Parliament of Religions. After hearing him, we feel
how foolish it is to send missionaries to this learned
nation/’ Herald (the greatest paper here.)

I cease from quoting more lest you should think me
conceited...

I am the same here as in India; only here in this
highly cultured land there is an appreciation, a sympathy.
There our people grudge us monks a crumb of bread*
here they are ready to pay one thousand rupees a lecture
and remain grateful for the instructions for ever. I am
appreciated by these strangers more than I was ever in
India. I can, if I will, live here all my life in the
greatest luxury, but I am a Sannyasin, and “India, with
all thy faults I love thee still.” So, I am coming back
(to India) and go on sowing the seeds of religion and
progress from city to city, as I was doing so long.

148

Now after these quotations, do you think it was
worthwhile to send a Sannyasin to America? Please do
not publish it. I hate notoriety in the same manner as
I did in India.

I am doing the Lord's work, and wherever He leads
I follow.

He who makes the dumb eloquent and the lame
cross a mountain, He will help me. I do not care for
human help. He is ready to help me in India, in
America, on the North Pole, if He thinks fit. If He
does not, none else can help me. Glory unto the Lord
for ever and ever!

The parliament of Religions was organised with the
intention of proving the superiority of Christian religion
over other forms of faith, but the Philosophic religion of
Hinduism was able to maintain its position not-with-
standing.

The Parliament of Religions was a failure from the
Christian standpoint...But the Chicago Parliament was
a tremendous success for India and Indian thought. It
helped on the tide of Vedanta, which is flooding the
world. The American people, of course, minus the
fanatical priests and Church-women, are very glad of the
results of the Parliament.

Of the name by which I am now known (Swami
Vivekananda), the first is descriptive of a Sannyasin, or
one who formally renounces the world, and the second
is the title I assumed-as is customary with all Sannyasins-
on my renunciation of the world; it signifies literally
“the bliss of discrimination/ 1

149

What a wonderful achievement was the world's Fair
at Chicago! And that wonderful Parliament of Religions
where voices from every corner of the earth expressed
their religious ideas! I was also allowed to present my
own ideas through the kindness of Dr. Barrows and
Mr. Bonney. Mr. Bonney is such a wonderful man!
Think of that mind that planned and carried out with
great success that gigantic undertaking, and he, no

clergyman, but a lawyer presiding over the dignitaries of

*

all the churches, the sweet, learned, patient Mr. Bonney
with all his soul speaking through his eyes.

At the Parliament of Religions (in America) there
came among others, a young man, a Negro born, a real
African Negro, and he made a beautiful speech. I became
interested in the young man, and now and then talked to
him, but could learn nothing about him. But one day in
England, I met some Americans and this is what they told
me, this boy was the son of a Negro chief who lived in the
heart of Africa; one day another chief became angry
with the father of this boy and murdered him and
murdered the mother also, and they were cooked and
eaten; he ordered the child also to be killed and cooked
and eaten; but the boy fled, and after passing through
great hardships and having travelled a distance of several
hundreds of miles, he reached the sea-shore, and then he
was taken into an American vessel and brought over to
America. And this boy made that speech!

Do your work with one hand and touch the feet of the Lord
with the other; when you have no work in the world to do,
hold His feet fast to your breast with both your handle

-Sri. RAMAKRISHNA.

“Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die" . Be of
good cheer and believe that we are selected by the Lord to
do great things, and we will do them.-

-SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

150

CHAPTER VI

MARCH OF EVENTS

As our country is poor in social virtues, so this
country (America) is lacking in spirituality. I give them
spirituality, and they give me money. I do not know
how long I shall take to’realise my end. I shall try to
carry out my plans or die in the attempt. You may
perhaps think what Utopian nonsense all this is! You
little know what is in me...Gurudeva will show me the
way out.

I have heard many stories about the American home:
of liberty running into licence, of unwomanly women
smashing under their feet all the peace and happiness of
home-life in their mad liberty-dance, and much nonsense
of that type. And now after a year’s experience of
American homes, of American women, how utterly false
and erroneous that sort of judgement appears! American
women! A hundred lives would not be sufficient to pay
my deep debt of gratitude to 'you ! I have not words
enough to express my gratitude to you.

Last year I came to this country in summer, a
wandering preacher of a far distant country, without
name, fame, wealth, or learning to recommend me-
friendless, helpless, almost in a state of destitution. And
American women befriended me, gave me shelter and
food; took me to their homes and treated me as their
own son, their own brother. They stood as my friend
even when their own priests were trying to persuade
them to give up the “dangerous heathen”-even when

151

day after day their best friends had told them not to
stand by this “unknown foreigner, maybe, of dangerous
character. " But they are better judges of character and
soul-for it is the pure mirror that catches the reflection.

And how many beautiful homes I have seen, how
many mothers whose purity of character, whose unselfish
love for their children are beyond expression, how many
daughters and pure maidens, “pure as the icicle on
Diana’s temple 1 ' and withal with much culture, education
and spirituality in the highest sense! Is America then
full of only wingless angels in the shape of women ?
There is good and bad everywhere true; but a nation is
not to be judged by its weaklings, but by the good, the
noble and the pure.

And then the modern American women - I admire
their broad and liberal minds.

There are thousands of women here (in America)
whose minds are as pure and white as the snow of this
country. And look at our girls (of India) , becoming
mothers below their teens!!

I have travelled all over India, and seen this country,
too. “Admist all the scriptures and Puranas, know this
statement of Vyasa to be true, that doing good to others
conduces to merit, and doing harm to them leads to sin. ”

“Fifty years ago,” said IngersoII to me, “You would
have been hanged in this country if you had come to
preach. You would have been burnt alive or you would
have been stoned out of the villages.”

152

When I came into this country (America), I was
surprised to meet so many liberal men and women. But
after the Parliament of Religions, a great Presbyterian
paper came out and gave me the benefit of a seething
article. This the editor called enthusiasm.

I pity the Hindu who does not see the beauty in
Jesus Christ’s character. I pity the Christian who does
not reverence the Hindu Christ.

Detroit: 12-3-94 - I am now living with Mr. Palmer.
He is a very nice gentleman... I spoke at an opera house
for two hours and a half. People were very much pleased.
I am going to Boston and New York...I am not going to
lecture in Michigan. Mr. Holden tried to persuade me
this morning to lecture in Michigan...To tell the truth
the more I am getting popularity and facility in speaking
the more I am getting fed up. My last address was the
best I ever delivered. Mr. Palmer was in ecstasies and
the audience remained almost spell-bound, so much so
that it was after the lecture that I found I had spoken so
long.

15-3-94 - The funniest thing said about me here was
in one of the papers which said, “The cyclonic Hindu

has come, and is a guest with Mr. Palmer.”. The

first lecture was not properly managed, the cost of the
hall being 150 dollars.

I am pulling on well with old Palmer. He is a very
jolly, good old man. I got only 127 dollars by my
last lecture. 1 am going to speak again in Detroit on
M onday.

153

Mr. Palmer makes me laugh the whole day.

This mixing with hundreds of varieties of the human
animals has disturbed me. I will tell you what is to my
taste; 1 cannot write and I cannot speak, but I can think
deeply, and when I am heated, can speak fire. It should
be, however, to a select, a very select few.

Just because this assertion of independence, this
proving that man is not a machine , is the essence of all
religious thought, it is impossible to think of it in the
routine mechanical way. It is this tendency to bring
everything down to the level of a machine that has given
the West its wonderful prosperity. And it is this which
has driven away all religion from its doors. Even the
little that is left, the West has reduced to a systematic
drill.

Detroit: 17-3-94 - I have returned today to
Mrs. Bagley’s as she was very sorry that I should remain
so long with Mr. Palmer. In Palmer’s house, there was
real ‘good time’. He is a real jovial heartwhole fellow.

18-3-94 - There was a letter from my brethren at
Calcutta and it was written on the occasion of a private
invitation to celebrate the birthday of my Master. The
letter says that Mazoomdar has gone back to Calcutta
and is preaching that Vivekananda is committing every
sin under the sun in America... This is your America’s
wonderful spiritual manl It is not their fault; until
one is really spiritual, that is, until one has
got a real insight into the nature of one’s own soul and
has got a glimpse ,of the world of the soul, one cannot

distinguish chaff from seed, tall talk from depth and so
on. I am sorry for poor Mazomdar that he should stoop
so low! Lord bless the old boy l

The address inside the letter is in English and is my
old, old name, written by a companion of my child-hood
who has also taken orders. It is a very poetic name.
That written in the letter is an abbreviation, the full
name being Narendra, meaning the “Chief of men”
“nara” means man and “Indra” stands for ruler in
chief - very ludicrous, isn’t it? But such are the names
in our country; we cannot help, but I am glad I have
given that up.

Chicago : 19-3-94 - I have no wants in this country,
but mendicancy has no vogue here and I have to labour,
that is, lecture in places. It is as cold here as it is hot.
The summer is not a bit less hot than at Calcutta. And
how to describe the cold in winter ! The whole country
is covered with snow, three or four feet deep, nay, six or
seven feet, at places! In the southern parts there is no
snow. Snow, however, is a thing of little consideration
here. For it snows when the mercury stands at 32
degrees F. In Calcutta, it scarcely comes down to 60
degrees, and it rarely approaches zero in England. But
here, your mercury sinks to minus 4 or 5 degrees. In
Canada, in the north, mercury becomes condensed, when
they have to use the alcohol thermometer.

When it is too cold, that is, when the mercury
stands even below 20 deg. F., it does not snow. I used
to think that it must be an exceedingly cold day on
which the snow falls. But it is not so; it snows on

155

comparatively warm days. Extreme cold produces a sort
of intoxication; no carriages would run; only the sledge,
which is without wheels, slides on the ground! Everything
is frozen stiff - even an elephant can walk on rivers and
canals and lakes. The massive Falls of Niagara, of such
tremendous velocity, are frozen to marble !! ! But. I am
doing nicely. I was a little afraid at first, but necessity
makes me travel by rail to the borders of Canada one
day, and the next day finds me lecturing in South America!
The carriages are kept quite warm, - like your own room,
by means of steam pipes, and all round are masses of
snow', spotlessly white, - oh the beauty of it !

I was mortally afraid that my nose and ears 'would
fall off, but to this day they are all right. I have to go
out, however, dressed in a heap of warm clothing
surmounted by a furcoat. No sooner you breathe out
than the breath freezes among the beard and moustache!
Notwithstanding all this, the fun of it is that they won’t
drink water without putting a lump of ice into it. This
is because it is warm indoors. Every room and the
staircase are kept warm by steam pipes. They are first
and foremost in arts and appliances, foremost in enjoy¬
ment and luxury, foremost in making money, and
foremost in spending it. The daily wages of a coolie are
six rupees as also are those of a servant; you cannot
hire a cab for less than three rupees, nor get a cigar for
less than four annas. A decent pair of shoes costs
twenty-four rupees and a suit, rupees five hundred. As
they earn, so they spend. A lecture fetches two hundred
to three thousand rupees. I have got up to five hundred.

156

Of course, now I am in the very heyday of fortune. They

like me, and thousands of people come to hear me speak.

/

As it pleased the Lord, I met here Mr. M-. He was
very cordial at first, but when the whole Chicago
population began to flock to me in overwhelming
numbers, then grew the canker in his mind !... The
priests tried their utmost to snub me. But the Guru is
with me, what could anybody do? And the whole
American nation loves and respects me, pays my expenses,
and reveres me as a Guru. It was not in the power of
the priests to do anything against me. Moreover, they

are a nation of scholars.What they want is

philosophy, learning and empty talk will no more do.

Nowhere in the world are women like those of this
country. How pure, independent, self-relying and kind-
hearted! It is the women who are the life and soul of this
country. All learning and culture are centred in them.

This is a very funny country. It is now summer-
this morning it was as hot as April in Bengal, but now it
is as cold as February at Allahabad ! So much fluctua¬
tion within four hours ! The hotels of this country
beggar description. For instance there is a hotel in New
York where a room can be hired for up to Rs. 5,000 - a
day, excluding board charges. —Not even in Europe is
there a country like this in point of luxury. It is indeed
the richest country in the world. I seldom live in hotels,
but am mostly the guest of big people here. To them I ;
am a widely known man. The whole country knows me
now, so wherever I go they receive me with open arms
into their homes. Mr. H’s home is my centre in Chicago

157

I scarcely find a family so highly pure and kind. Oh,
how wonderfully kind they are !

As for lectures and so forth, I don’t prepare them
beforehand. Only one I wrote out. The rest I deliver
off-hand, whatever comes to my lips—Gurudeva backs
me up. Once at Detroit 1 held forth for three hours at
a stretch. Sometimes I myself wonder at my own
achievement - to think that there was such stuff in
this pate !

A friend criticised the use of European terms of
philosophy and religion in my addresses...I would have
been very glad to use Sanskrit terms; it would have been
much more easy, as being the only perfect vehicle of
religious thought. But the friend forgets that I was
addressing an audience of western people; and although
a certain Indian Missionary declared that the Hindus
had forgotten the meaning of their Sanskrit books, and
that it was the missionaries who unearthed the meaning,
I could not find one in that large concourse of Mission¬
aries who could understand a line in Sanskrit-and yet
some of them read learned papers criticising the Vedas,
and all the sacred sources of the Hindu religion !

Detroit : 30-3-94 - I am very glad to receive the
Khetri letter...He (the Raja) wants some newspaper
clippings... Mrs. Breed wrote to me a stiff burning
letter first, and then I got a telegram from her inviting
me to be her guest for a week. Before this, I got a
letter from Mrs. Smith of New York writing on her
behalf and another lady Miss Helen Gould and another

Dr., asking me to come over to New York. As the Lynn

\

158

Club wants me on the 17th of next month, I am going to
New York first and come in time for their meeting at
Lynn.

Next summer if I do not go away and Mrs. Bagley
insists I should not - I may go to Annisquam where Mrs.
Bagley has engaged a nice house. Mrs. Bagley is a very
spiritual lady and Mr. Palmer a spiritual gentleman but
very good...I am all right in nice health of body and
mind...Mrs. Sherman has presented me with a lot of
things, amongst which is a nail-set and letter holder and
a little satchel, etc. etc. Although I objected, especially
to the nail-set, as very dudish with mother of pearl
handles, she insisted and I had to take them, though I do
not know what to do with that brushing instrument.
Lord bless them all! She gave me one advice - never to
wear this Afrikee dress in society. Now I am a society
man 1 Lord 1 what comes next ? Long life brings queer
experiences!

New York: 9-4-94 - I have lectured in many of
the big towns of America...I have made a good many
friends here, some of them very influential. Of course,
the orthodox clergymen are against me and seeing that
it is not easy to grapple with me, they try to hinder,
abuse and vilify me in every way...Lord bless them!

I believe that the Satya-yuga will come when there
will be one caste, one Veda, and peace and harmony.
This idea of Satya-yuga is what would revivify India.

I have an old mother. She has suffered much all
her life and in the midst of all she could bear to give me
for the service of God and man.

159

The cat is out of the bag—without my seeking at all.
And who is the editor of one of our (Indian) papers
which praises me so much, and thanks God that I came
to America to represent Hinduism ? Mazoomdar’s cousin!
Poor Mazoomdar-he has injured his cause by telling lies
through jealousy. Lord knows I never attempted any
defence.

I had a very good time in Boston at Mrs. Breed’s
and saw Prof.Wright. I am going to Boston again.
The tailor is making my new gown; I am going to speak
at Cambridge University (Harvard) and would be the
guest of prof. Wright there. They write grand welcomes
in the Boston papers inviting me.

I spoke last night at the Waldorf hotel. Mrs. Smith
sold tickets at $2 each, I had a full hall which by the way
was a small one.

I made a hundred dollars at Lynn which 1 do not
send (to India) because I have to make my new gown
and other nonsense.

Do not expect to make any money at Boston. Still I
must touch the brain of America and stir it up if I can.

2nd May 94 : - I could not find the exact orange
color of my coat here; so I have been obliged to satisfy
myself with the next best; a cardinal red with more of
yellow. The coat will be ready in a few days.

Got about 70 the other day by lecturing at Waldorf
and hope to get some more by tomorrow’s lecture.

From 7th to 18th there are engagements in Boston
but they pay very little.

160

In the evening, I am going to speak at a vegetarian
dinner l

New York : April 26, 94 - Well, I am a vegetarian
for all that, because I prefer it when I can get it. I have
another invitation to lunch with Lyman Abbot day after
tomorrow. After all, I am having very nice time, and
hope to have very nice time in Boston-only that nasty,
nasty lecturing: disgusting. However, as soon as 19th
is over-one leap from Boston to Chicago and then I will
have a long long breath and rest and rest for two weeks.
I will simply sit down and talk and talk and smoke.

New York people are very good—only more money
than brains.

I am going to speak to the students of the Harvard
University. Three lectures at Boston, 3 at Harvard-all
arranged by Mrs. Breed. They are arranging something
here too, so that I will, on my way to Chicago, come to
bj[ew York once more-give them a few hard raps and
pocket the boodle and fly to Chicago ! ^

New York : 4-5-94 - I win be in Boston on Sunday
(6th). On Monday, I lecture at the Women’s Club of
Mrs. Howe.

Just think, with all the claims to civilisation in this
country (America), on one occasion I was refused a
chair to sit on, because I was a Hindu I

Chicago - May 24-94 - Had I not the “fad” in my
head I would never have come over here. And it was
with a hope that it would help my cause that I joined
the Parliament of Religions, having always refused it when

161

our people wanted to send me for it. I came over telling
them-“that may or may not join that assembly-and you
may send over if you like.” They sent me over leaving
me quite free. I do not care for the attempts of the old
Missionary, but the fever of jealousy which attacked
Mazoomdar gave me a terrible shock, and I pray that he
would know better-for he is a great and good man who
has tried all his life to be good. But this proves one of
my Master’s sayings : “live in a room covered with black
soot; however careful you may be, some spots must stick
to your clothes.”

So however one may try to be good and holy-so
long he is in the world - some part of his nature must
gravitate downwards.

I was never a missionary nor ever would be one-my
place is in the Himalayas. I have satisfied myself so far
that I can with a full conscience say, God -1 saw terrible
misery among my brethren. I searched and discovered
the way out of it; tried my best to apply the remedy but
failed - so Thy will be done.”

24-5-94 : ‘‘Some would call you a saint, some a
chandala, some a lunatic; others a demon; go on then
straight to thy work without heeding any,” thus sayeth
one of our great Sannyasins, an old Emperor of India,
King Bhartrihari who joined the Order in old times.

Chicago : 28-5-94 : I was whirling to and fro from
New York to Boston. I do not know when I am going
back to India* It is in the hands of Him who is at my
back directing me.

162

I have done a good deal of lecturing here......The

expenses here are terrible.

18-6-94 : I am going to New York in a week. Mrs.
Bagley seems to be unsettled by that article in the Boston
paper against me. She sent me over, a copy from Det¬
roit, and has ceased correspondence with me. Lord bless
her; she has been very kind to me.

Although there is much public appreciation of my
work, it is thoroughly uncongenial and demoralising to me.

20-6-94 : The backbiters, I must tell you, had not
indirectly benefited me; on the other hand, they had
injured me immensely in view of the fact that our Hindu
people did not move a finger to tell the Americans that
I represented them. Did our people send some words
thanking the American people for their kindness to me
and stating that I was representing them?...No, they
told the American people that I had donned the Sannya-
sin’s garb only in America and that I was a cheat, bare
and simple. So far as reception went, it had no effect
on the American nation; but so far as helping me with
funds went, it had a terrible effect in making them take
off their helping hands from me. And it is one year
since I have been here, and not one man of note from
India had thought it fit to make the Americans know that
I am no cheat. There again the missionaries are always
seeking for something against me and they are busy
picking up anything said against me by the Christian

publishing it here...the people here
in India, between the

Swami Vivekananda

163

Round him (the great Ramakrishna Paramahamsa)
this band (of young educated Sannyasins) is slowly
gathering. They will do the work...This requires an
organisation, money - a little at least to set the wheel in
motion...Who would have given us money in India ? So,
1 crossed over to America. I begged all the money from
the poor, and the offers of the rich I would Inot accept
because they could not understand my ideas. Now
lecturing fora year in this country, I could not succeed
at all (of course, I have no wants for myself) in my plan
of raising some funds for setting up my work. First this
year is a bad year in America; thousands of their poor
are without work. Secondly, the missionaries and the—
try to thwart all my views. Thirdly; a year has rolled
by, and our countrymen could not even do so much for
me as to say to the American people that I was a real
Sannyasin and no cheat, and that I represented the
Hindu religion. Even this much, the expenditure of a
few words, they could not do ! (yet) I love them ; He
who has been with me through hills and dales, through
deserts or forest, will be with me, I hope.

I am sincere to the backbone, and my ^greatest fault
is that I love my country only to well.

23-6-94 : Mrs. Potter Palmer is the chief lady of
the United States. She was the lady President of the
World’s Fair. She is much interested in raising the
women of the world and is at the head of a big organi¬
sation for women. She is a particular friend of Lady
Dufferin and has been entertained by the Royalties of
Europe on acoount of her wealth and position. She has
been very kind to me in this country.

164

Chicago : 29-6-94 - I am continually travelling.
In Chicago there is a friend whose house is my head¬
quarters.

Now as to my prospects here - it is well nigh zero.
Why, because although I had the best purpose it has been
made null and void by these causes. All that I get about
India is from Madras letters. The letters say again and
again how I am being praised in India. But, I never saw
a single Indian paper writing about me except the three
square inches sent to me by Alasinga. On the other
hand, everything that is said by Christians in India, is
sedulously gathered by the missionaries and regularly
published and they go from door to door to make my
friends give me up. They have succeeded only too well,
for there is not one word for me from India. Indian
Hindu papers may laud me to the skies, but not a word
of that ever came to America; so that many people in
this country think me a fraud. In the face of the
missionaries and with the jealousy of the Hindus here to
back them, I have not a word to say. I now think it
was foolish of me to go to the Parliament on the strength
of the Madras boys. They are boys after all. Of course
I am eternally obliged to them, but they are after all
enthusiastic young men without any executive abilities.
I came here without credentials. How else to show
that I am not a fraud in the face of the missionaries and
the B - S-?... There has not been one voice for
me in one year and every one against me. More than
two months ago I wrote to Alasinga about this. He
did not even answer my letter. I am afraid his heart
has grown lukewarm...On the other hand, my brethren

165

foolishly talk nonsense about Keshab Sen...Oh I, if only
I had one man of some true abilities and brains to back
me in India ! But His will be done. I stand a fraud in
this country. It was my foolishness to go to the Parlia¬
ment without any credentials, hoping that there would
be many for me. I have to work it out slowly.

Every moment I expected something from India.
No, it never came. Last two months especially I was in
torture every moment. No, not even a newspaper from
India ! My friends waited, waited month after month;
nothing came, not a voice. Many consequently grew
cold and at last gave me up. But, it is the punisnment
for relying upon man.

My thanks eternal to the Madras young men...May

the Lord bless them for ever.I am praying always

for their welfare and am I not in the least displeased
with them, but I am not pleased with myself. I commit¬
ted a terrible error of calculating upon others’ help-once
in my life-and I have paid for it. It was my fault and not
theirs. Lord bless all the Madras people.. I have
launched my boat in the waves, come what may. Regard¬
ing my brutal criticisms, I have really no right to make
them...I must bear my own Karma and that without
a murmur.^,^

NewYork: July 94- I came yesterday to this place,
and shall iemain here a few days. I did not receive any
“Interior” for which I am glad. I want to keep aloof
from rousing bad feelings towards these “sweet Christian

gentlemen” in my heart.I do not care the least for

the gambols these men play, seeing as I do through the

166

insincerity, the hypocrisy and love of self and name that
is the only motive power in these men.

I am bearing the heat very well here. I had an invi¬
tation to Swamscott on the sea from a very rich lady
whose acquaintance I made last winter in New York, but
I declined with thanks. I am very careful now to take
the hospitality of anybody here, especially rich. I had a
few other invitations from some very rich people here.
I refused; I have by this time seen the whole business
through.

New York: 9-7-94 - Glory upto Jagadamha (the
Divine Mother) ! I have gained beyond expectations.
The prophet has been honoured and with a vengeance.
I am weeping like a child at His mercy - He never leaves
His servant; ...the printed things are coming to the
American people. The names there are the very flower
of our country. The President was the chief nobleman
of Calcutta and the other man Mahesh Chandra Nyaya-
ratna is the Principal of the Sanskrit College and the chief
Brahmin in all India and recognised by the Government
as such. What a rogue am I that in the face of such
mercies sometimes faith totters. Seeing every moment
that I am in His hands, still the mind sometimes gets des¬
pondent. There is a God - a Father - a Mother who never
leaves His children, never, never. Put uncanny theories
aside and becoming children take refuge in'Him. I cannot
write more - I am weeping like a woman.

Blessed, blessed art Thou, Lord God of my soul!

U.S*A .: 11-7-94 - We will do great things yeti Last
year, f only sowed the seeds; this year, I mean to reap.

167

In the Detroit lecture I got $ 900, i.e. Rs. 2, 700. In
other lectures, I earned in one $ 2,500, i.e. Rs. 7,500, in one
hour, but got only 200 dollars! I was cheated by a roguish
lecture bureau. I have given them up.

i

Swampscott : 26-7-94 - I had a beautiful letter from
sister Mary. Sister Jeany can jump and run and play and
swear like a devil and talk slang at the rate of 500 a
minute; only she does not much care for religion, only a
little. She is gone home today and I am going to Green-
acre. I had been to see Mrs. Breed, Mrs. Stone was
there, with whom is residing Mrs. Pullman and all the
golden bugs, my old friends hereabouts. They are kind
as usual. On my way back from Greenacre I am going
to Annisquam to see Mrs. Bagley for a few days. Darn it,
I forget everything. I had duckings in the sea like a fish.
I am enjoying every bit of it. How nice and cool it is
here, and it increases a hundredfold when I think about
the gasping, sizzling, boiling, frying four old maids (the
Hale Sisters), and how cool and nice I am here.
Whooooo!

Miss Philips has a beautiful place somewhere in
N. Y. State - mountain, lake, river, forest altogether -
what more? I am going to make a Himalayas there and
start a monastery as sure as I an) living - I am not going
to leave this country without throwing one more apple
of discord into this already roaring, kicking, mad whirl¬
pool of American religion.

Greenacre Inn t Eliot , Maine: 26-7-94 - This is a
big inn and farm house where the Christian Scientists are
holding a session. Last spring in New York, I was invited

168

by the lady projector of the meeting to come here, and
here I am. It is a beautiful and cool place, no doubt, and
many of my old friends of Chicago are here. Mrs. Mills,
Miss Stockam and several other ladies and gentlemen live
in tents which they have pitched on the open ground by
the river. They have a lively time and sometimes all of
them wear what you call the scientific dress the whole
day. They have lectures almost everyday. One Mr.
Colville from Boston is here; he 5peaks every day, it is
said, under spirit control. The Editor (?) of the Univer¬
sity Truth has settled herself down here. She is conduct¬
ing religious services and holding classes to heal all
manner of diseases, and very soon I expect them to be
giving eyes to the blind, and the like! After all, it is a
queer gathering. They do not care much about social
laws and are quite free and happy. Mrs. Mills is quite
brilliant and so are many other ladies...A very cultured
lady from Detroit is going to take me to an Island fifteen
miles into the sea. I hope we shall have a nice time...
I may go over to Annisquam from here, I suppose. This
is a beautiful and nice place and the bathing is splendid.
Cora Stockham has made a bathing dress for me, and I am
having as good a time in the water as a duck - this is deli¬
cious even for the denizens of Mudville.../^

Here is Mr. Wood of Boston, who is one of the great
lights of the Christian Science sect. But, he objects to
belong to the sect of Mrs. Whirlpool. So he calls him¬
self a mental healer of meta-physical-chemico-physico-
religiosic what-not! Yesterday, there was a tremendous
cyclone which gave a good “treatment” to the tents. The
big tent under which they had the lectures, had developed

169

so much spirituality under the “treatment” that it entirely
disappeared from mortal gaze and about two hundred
chairs were dancing about the grounds under spiritual
ecstasy! Mrs. Figs takes a class every morning; and Mrs.
Mills is jumping all about the place - they are all in high
spirits. I am especially glad for Cora, for they suffered a
good deal last winter and a little hilarity would do her
good. You will be astounded with the liberty they enjoy
in the camps, but they are very good and pure people
there - a little erratic, that is all.

I shall be here till Saturday next...The other night
the camp people went to sleep beneath a pine tree under
which I sit every morning a la Hindu and talk to them.
Of course, I went with them, and we had a nice night
under the stars, sleeping on the lap of -mother earth, and
I enjoyed every bit of it. I cannot describe that night’s,
glories - after a year of brutal life that I have led, to sleep
on the ground, to meditate under the tree in the forest!
The inn people are more or less well-to-do-, and the camp
people are healthy, young, sincere and holy men and
women. I teach them "Shivoham” “Shivoham” and they
all repeat it, innocent and pure as they are and brave
beyond all bounds. And so I am happy and glorified.

Thank God for making me poor, thank God for
making these children in the tents poor. The Dudes
and Dudines are in the Hotel, but iron-bound nerves
and souls of triple steel and spirits of fire are in the
camp. If you had seen them yesterday, when the rain
was falling in torrents and the cyclone was overturning
everything, hanging by their tent strings to keep them

170

from being blown down, and standing in the majesty of
their souls - these brave ones - it would have done your
hearts good - I will go a hundred miles to see the like of
them. Lord bless them.

“Sweet one! Many people offer to You many things.
I am poor-but I have the body, mind and soul. I give
them over to you. Deign to accept, Lord of the
Universe, and refuse them not.” So have I given over
my life and soul once for all. One thing-they are a dry
sort of people here. They do not understand “Madhava”,
the Sweet One. They are either intellectual or go after
faith cure, table turning, witchcraft, etc. etc. Nowhere
have I heard so much about “love, life and liberty” as in
this country, but no where it is less understood. Here
God is either a terror or a healing power, vibration, and
so forth. Lord bless their souls! And these parrots talk
day and night of love and love and love!

Greenacre: 11-8-94 - I have been all this time in
Greenacre. I enjoyed this place very much. They have
been all very kind to me. One Chicago lady, Mrs. Pratt
of Kenilworth, wanted to give me $500. She became
so much interested in me; but I refused. She has made me
promise that I would send word to her whenever I was
in need of money, which I hope the Lord will never put
me in. His help alone is sufficient to me.

On Sunday I am going to lecture at Plymouth at the
“Sympathy of Religions” meetings of Col. Higginson...
Miss Howe has been so kind to me. I think I am going
to Fishkill from Plymouth, where l will be only a couple
of days...I will be in New York next fall. New York is

171

a grand and good place. The New York people have a
tenacity of purpose unknown in any other city. I had a
letter from Mrs. Potter Palmer asking me to see her in
August. She is a very gracious and kind lady. There is
my friend Dr. Janes of New York, President of the
Ethical Cultural Society, who has begun his lectures. I
must go to hear him. He and I agree so much.

Annisquam : 20-8-94 - I am with the Bangleys once
more. They are kind as usual. Professor Wright was
not here. But he came day before yesterday and we
have very nice time together. Mr. Bradley of Evanston
was here. His sister-in-law had me sit for a picture
several days and had painted me. I had some very fine
boating and one evening overturned the boat and had a
good drenching, clothes and all...

From here I think I will go back to New York. Or
I may go to Boston to Mrs. Ole Bull, widow of the great
violinist of this country. She is a very spiritual lady. She
lives in Cambridge and has a fine big parlour made of
woodwork brought all the way from India. She wants
me to come over to her any time and use her parlour for
lectures.

I have kept pretty good health all the time and hope
to do in the future. I had no occasion yet to draw on
my reserve, yet I am rolling on pretty fair. And I have
given up all money making schemes and will be quite
satisfied with a bite and a shed and will work on.

31-8-94 : The letter from the Madras people was
published in yesterday's "Boston Transcript"...! shall be

172

here till Tuesday next at least, on which day I am going
to lecture here in Annisquam.

The greatest difficulty with me is to keep or even
to touch money. It is disgusting and debasing...I have
friends here who take care of all my monetary concerns.

4

Boston : 13-9-94 - I have been in this holel (Hotel
Bellevue, Becon St.) for about a week. I will remain in
Boston some time yet...I am vagabondizing. I was very
much amused the other day to read Abe Hue’s descrip¬
tion of the vagabond lamas of Tibet-a true picture of
our fraternity. He says they are queer people. They
come when they will, sit at everybody’s table, invitation
or no invitaion, live where they will and go where they
will. There is not a mountain they have not climbed,
not a river they have not crossed, not a language they
do not talk in. He thinks that God must have put into
them a part of that energy which makes the planets go
round and round eternally. Today this vagabond lama
was seized with a desire of going right along,scribbIing and
so I walked down and entering a store brought all sorts
of writing materials and a beautiful portfolio which shuts
with a clasp and has even a little wooden inkstand...Last
month, I had mail enough from India and am greatly
delighted with my countrymen at their generous appre¬
ciation of my work. Good enough for them. Prof.
Wright, his wife and children were as good as ever.
Words cannot express my gratitude to them.

Everything so far is not going bad with me, except
that I*had a bad cold. Now I think the fellow is gone.

173

This time I tried Christian Science for insomnia and
really found it worked very well.

Hotel Belle Vue , Boston \ 19-9-94 -1 am at present

lecturing m several places in Boston. What I want is to

get a place where I can sit down and write down my

thoughts. I had enough of speaking; now I want to

write. I think I will have to go to New York for it
*

Mrs. Guernsey was so kind to me and she is ever willing
to help me. I think I will go to her and sit down and
write my book.

US.A. ; 21-9-94 - I have been continuously travel¬
ling from place to place and working incessently, giving
lectures and holding classes.

I have made some nice friends here amongst the
liberal people, and a few amongst the orthodox. .Too
much work is making me nervous. The giving of too
many public lectures and constant hurry have brought
on this nervousness...

New York : 25-9-94 - Here in summer they go to
the sea side-I also did the same. They have got almost
a mania for boating and yatching. The yacht is a kind
of light vessel which everyone, young and old who has
the means, possesses. They set sail in them every day to
the sea and return home to eat, drink and dance-while
music continues day and night. Pianos render it a
botheration to stay indoors!

I shall now tell something of the Hales. Hale and his
wife are an old couple, having two daughters, two nieces
and a son. The son lives abroad where he earns a living.

174

The daughters live at home. In this country relationship
is through the girls. The son marries and no longer
belongs to the family, but the daughter’s husband pays
freqqgnt visits to his father-in-laws’s house. They say,

“Son is son till he gets a wife.

The daughter is daughter all her life.’’

All the four are young and not yet married. Marriage
is a very troublesome business here. In the first place,
one must have a husband after one’s heart. Secondly, he
must be a moneyed man...They will probably live un¬
married; besides they are now full of ‘renunciation’
through my contact and are busy with thoughts of
Brahman!

The two daughters are blondes, that is, have golden
hair, while the two nieces are brunettes, that is of dark
hair. They know all sorts of occupations. The nieces
are not so rich, they conduct a kindergarten school, but
the daughters do not earn. Many girls of this country
earn their living. Nobody depends upon others. Even
millionaires’ sons earn their living, but they marry and
have separate establishments of their own. The daught¬
ers call me brother, and I address their mother as mother.
All my things are at their places, and they look after
them, wherever I may go. Here the boys go in search of
a living while quite young, and the girls are educated in
the universities. So, you will find that in a meeting there
will be ninety-nine per cent girls. The boys are no¬
where in comparison with them.

There are a good many spiritualists in this country.
The medium is one who induces the spirit. He goes
behind a screen, and out of the latter come ghosts, of all

175

sizes and all colours. I have witnessed some cases, but
they seemed to be a hoax. I shall test some more before
I come to a final conclusion. Many of the spiritualists
respect me.

Next comes Christian Science. They form the most
influential party, nowadays, figuring everywhere. They
are spreading by leaps and bounds, and causing heart-burn
to the orthodox. They are Vedantins; I mean, they have
picked up a few doctrines of the Advaita and grafted
them upon the Bible. And they cure diseases by pro¬
claiming, “ srtef ” “I am He” “I am He” - through
strength of mind. They all admire me highly.

Nowadays the orthodox section of this country are
crying for help. "Devil Worship” is but a thing of the
past. They are mortally afraid of me and exclaim, “What
a pest! Thousands of men and women follow him! He
is going to root out orthodoxy! ” Well, the torch has
been applied and the conflagration that has set in through
the grace of the Guru shall not be put out. In course of
time, the bigots will have their breath knocked out of
them.

The Theosophists have not much power. But, they
too are dead against the orthodox section.

This Christian Science is exactly like our Kartabhaja
sect (an offshoot of Vaishnavism during its degeneracy
in Bengal). Say, “I have no diseases,” and you are
whole; and say, “ I am He ” - ffisf - and you are quits - be
at large. This is a thoroughly materialistic country. The
people of this Christain land will recognise religion if
only you can cure diseases, work miracles, and ojjen up

176

avenues to money, and understand little of any thing else.
But there are honourable exceptions.

People here have found a new type of man in me.
Even the orthodox are at their wit’s end. And people
are now looking up to me with an eye of reverence. Is
there a’greater strength than that of Brahmacharyam—
purity, my boy ?

...They are good-natured, kind, and truthful. All
is right with them, but that enjoyment is their God. It
is a country where money flows like a river, with beauty
as the ripple and learning its waves, and which rolls in
luxury.

They look with veneration upon women, who play a
most prominent part in their lives...Well, I am almost at
my wit’s end to see the women of this country! They
take me to the shops and everywhere, as if I were a child.
They do all sorts of work-I cannot do even a sixteenth
part of what they do.

Boston: 26-9-94 I will have to go back to Melrose
on Saturday and remain there till Monday.

I am busy writing letters to India last few days. I
will remain a few days more in Boston.

U.S.A - 27-9-94 - One thing I find in the book of
my speeches and sayings published in Calcutta. Some of
them are printed in such a way as to savour of political
views; whereas I am no politician, or political agitator.
I care only for the spirit - when that is right everything
will be righted by itself...No political significance should
be ever attached falsely to any of my writings or sayings.

177

What nonsense!...I heard that Rev. Kali Charan Banerji
in a lecture to Christian missionaries said that I was a
political delegate. This is their trick! I have said a few
harsh words in honest criticism of Christian Governments
in general, but that does not mean that I care for, or have
any connection with politics or that sort of thing...

Uniform silence is all my answer to my detractors...

This nonsense of public life and newspaper blazoning
has disgusted me thoroughly. I long to go back to the
Himalayan quiet.

Chicago. Sept . 94 -1 have been travelling all over
this country all this time and seeing everything. I have
come to this conclusion that there is only one country in
the world which understands religion-it is India; with all
their faults, the Hindus are shoulders above and ahead of

all other nations in morality and spirituality.I have

seen enough of this country, I think, and so soon will go
over to Europe and then to India.

Baltimore. Oct. 94 -1 am here now. Fc^m here I
go to Washington, thence to Philadelphia and then to
New York.

W>ashigton: I am going to talk here today, tomorrow
at Baltimore, then again Monday at Baltimore and
Tuesday at Washington again. So, I will be in Philadel¬
phia in a few days after that. I shall be in Philadelphia
only to see Prof. Wright, and then I go to New York
and run for a little while between New York and Boston
and then go to Chicago, via Detroit, and then “whist**...
as Senator RLflmer says, to England.

178

I have been very well treated here and am doing very
well. There is nothing extraordinary, in the meantime,
except that I got vexed at getting loads of newspapers
from India; so after sending a cartload to Mother Church
and another to Mrs. Guernsey, I had to write to them
to stop sending their newspapers. I have had “ boom ”
enough in India. Alasinga writes that every village all
over the coutry now has heard of of me. Well, the old
peace is gone for ever and no rest anywhere from here¬
tofore. These newspapers of India will be my death, I am
sure...Lord bless them; it was all my foolery. I really came
here to raise a little money secretly and go over but was
caught in the trap and now no more of a reserved life.

23-10-94 : I have become one of their own teachers.
They all like me and my teachings...I travel all over the
country from one place to another, as was my habit in
India, preaching and teaching. Thousands and thousands
have listened to me and taken my ideas in a very kindly
spirit. It is the most expensive country, but the Lord
provides for me everywhere I go.

26-10-94: I am enjoying Baltimore and Washing¬
ton very much. I will go hence to Philadelphia.

The lady with whom I am staying is Mrs. Totten, a
niece of Miss Howe. I will be her guest more than a
week yet.

A lady from London with whom one of my friends is
staying has sent an invitation to me to go over as her
guest.

U.S.A.: 1894: Last winter I travelled a good deal
in this country, although the Veather was very severe.

Sri Ramakrishna

179

I thought it would be dreadful, but I did not find it so
after all.

Chicago: 15-11-94 - I have seen many strange
sights and grand things...America is a grand country.
It is a paradise of the poor and women. There is almost
no poor in the country and no where else in the world
women are so free, so educated, so cultured. They are
everything in society.

This is a great lesson. The Sannyasin has not lost a
bit of his Sannyasinship, even his mode of living. And in
this most hospitable country, every home is open to me.
The Lord who guides me in India, would He not guide
me here? And He has.

You may not understand why a Sannyasin should be
in America, but it was necessary ...I am neither a sight¬
seer nor an idle traveller, but you will see...and bless me
all your life.

New York: 19-11-94 -Struggle, struggle was my
motto for the last ten years. Struggle, still I say. When
it was all dark, I used to say, struggle; when light is
breaking in, I still say, struggle.

I have depended always on the Lord, always on
Truth, broad as the light of day. Let me not die with
stains on my conscience for having played Jesuitism to
get up name or fame, or even to do good.

Chicago : Nov. 94 - Here.they were all trying to

lecture and get money thereby. They did something, but
I succeeded better than they. Why ? I did not put myself
as a bar to their success. It was the will of the Lord. But

180

all these have fabricated and circulated the most horrible
lies about me in this country, and behind iSy^back.

I do not care what they say. I love my God, my
religion, my country, and above all, myself, a poor beggar.
I love the poor, the ignorant, the down trodden, I feel for
them. The Lord knows how much. He will show the
way. I do not care a fig for human approbation or criti¬
cism.

I have that insight through the blessings of Rama-
krishna, I am trying to work witji my little band, all of
them poor beggars like me...

s

Cambridge : 8-12-94 - I have been here three days.
We had a nice lecture from Lady Henry Somerset. I
have a class every morning here on Vedanta and another
topicd-.I went to dine with the Spaldings another day.
That day they urged me, against my repeated protests, to
criticize the Americans: I am afraid they did not relish
it. It is, of course, always impossible to do so...I am
kept pretty busy the whole day...I shall remain here until
the 27th or 28th of this month.

Cambridge : 21-12-94- 1 am going away next Tues¬
day to New York. The lectures are at an end.

U.S. A. : 26-12-94 - In reference to me every now
and then, attacks are made in missionary papers (so I
hear), but, I never care to see them.

Brooklyn : 28-12-94 -I arrived safely in New York
and proceeded at once to Brooklyn, where I arrived in
time. We had a nice evening. Several gentlemen belong¬
ing to the Ethical Culture Society came to see me.

181

Next Sunday we shall have a lecture. Dr. James
was as usual very kind and good, and Mr. Higgins is as
practical as ever...Mr. Higgins has published a pamphlet
about me.

Through the Lord’s will, the desire for name and
fame has not yet crept into my heart, and I dare say
never will. I am an instrument and He is the operator.
Through this instrument He is rousing the religious in¬
stinct in thousands of hearts in this far-off country.
Thousands of men and women here love and revere me...
I am amazed at His grace. Whatever town I visit, it is
in an uproar. They have named me “the cyclonic
Hindu". It is His will -1 am a voice without a form.

Chicago : 3-1-95-1 lectured at Brooklyn last Sunday.
Mrs. Higgins gave a little reception the evening I arrived
and some of the prominent members of the Ethical
Society including Dr. (Lewis G.) James were there.
Some of them thought that such oriental religious subjects
will not interest the Brooklyn public.

But the lecture through the blessing of the Lord
proved a tremendous success. About 800 of the elite of
Brooklyn were present and the very gentlemen who
thought it would not prove a success are trying to orga¬
nise a series in Brooklyn.

I am trying to get a new gown. The old gown is
here, but it is shrunken by constant washings so that it
is unfit to wear in public.

I saw Miss Couring at Brooklyn. She was as kind as

ever.

182

6-1-95 - I have been in the midst of the genuine
article in England. The English people received me with
open arms and I have very much toned down my ideas
about the English race. First of all, I found that those
fellows, as Lund etc., who came over from England to
attack me were nowhere. Their existence is simply
ignored by the English people. None but a person
belonging to the English Church is thought to be genteel.
Again some of the best men of England belong to the
English Church and some of the highest in position and
fame became my truest friends. This was another sort of
experience from what I met in America.

The English people laughed and laughed when I told
them about my experience with the Presbyterians and
other fanatics here (in America) and my reception in
hotels etc. I also found the difference in culture and
breeding between tha two countries, and came to under¬
stand why American girls go in shoals to be married
to Europeans.

Everyone was kind to me there (in England), and I
have left many noble friends of both sexes anxiously
awaiting my return in the spring.

As to my work there, the Vedantic thought has
already permeated the higher classes of England. Many
people of education and rank, amongst them not a few
clergymen, told me that the conquest of Rome by Greece
was being re-enacted in England...I had eight classes a
week apart from public lectures, and they were so crowd¬
ed that a good many people even ladies of high rank, sat
on the floor and did not think anything of it. In England,

183

I find strong-minded men and women take up the work
and carry it forward with the peculiar English grip and
energy. This year my work in New York is going on
splendidly. Mr. Leggett is a very rich man of New York
and very much interested in me. The New Yorker has
more steadiness than any other people in this country
(America), so that I have determined to make my centre
here. In this country my teachings are thought to be
queer by the “Methodist” and “Presbyterian” aristocracy.
In England, it is the highest philosoyhy to the English
Church aristocracy.

Moreover those talks and gossips, so characteristic of
the American women, are almost unknown in England.
The English woman is slow, but when she works up to
an idea she will have a hold on it sure, and they are
regularly carrying on my work there and sending every
week a report-think of that! Here (in America) if I go
away for a week, everything falls to pieces.

Chicago : 11-1-95-1 have been running all the time
between Boston and New York, two great centres of
this country, of which Boston may be called the brain,
and New York, the purse. In both, my success is more
than ordinary...I am indifferent to newspaper reports...
A little boom was necessary to begin work.

I want to teach truth; I do not care whether here or
elsewhere...

I shall work incessantly until I die, and even after
death, I shall work for the good of the world.

Thousands of the best men do care for me; I am

184

slowly exercising an influence in this land, greater than
all the newspaper blazoning of me can do...

It is the force of character, of purity and of truth
and personality. So long as I have these things, no one
will be able to injure a hair of my head. If they try they
will fail, sayeth the Lord...The Lord is giving me a deeper
and deeper insight every day. The Lord is always
with me ...

12-1-95-1 do not care for name or fame, or any
humbug of that type. I want to preach my ideas for the
good of the world. My life is too precious to be spent
in getting the admiration of the world...I have no time
for such foolery.

Brooklyn: 20-1-95-1 am to lecture here(Brooklyn)
tonight, and two other lectures in the next month. I
came in only yesterday. Miss Josephine Lock and Mrs.
Adams were very kind to me in Chicago and my debt to
Mrs. Adams is simply inexpressible.

New York : 24-1-95- This year, I am afraid I am
getting overworked, as I feel the strain...

Tomorrow will be the last Sunday lecture of this
month. The first Sunday of next month there will be a
lecture in Brooklyn, the rest three in New York, with
which I will close this year’s New York lectures.

New York : 24-1-95- My last lecture was not very
much appreciated by men but awfully^by women. This
Brooklyn is the centre of anti-women’s rights movements
and when I told them that women deserve and are fit
for everything, they did not like it of course. Never
mind, the women were in ecstasies.

185

I have got again a little cold. I am going to the
Guernseys. I have got a room downtown also where I
will go several hours to hold my classes.

New York : 1-2-95 - I have a message, and I will
give it after my own fashion; I will neither Hinduise my
message nor Christianise it, nor make it any ‘ise’ in the
world. I will only my-ise it and that is all.

I have a message to give; I have no time to be sweet
to the world, and every attempt at sweetness makes me
a hypocrite. I will die a thousand deaths rather than
lead a jelly-fish existence and yield to every requirement
of this foolish world - no matter whether it be my own
country or a foreign country.

I am living with Landsberg at 54 W, 33rd Street,
He is a brave and noble soul; Lord bless him. Some¬
times I go to Guernseys’ to sleep.

9- 2-95 - In this dire winter I have travelled across
mountains and over snows at dead of night and collected
a little fund; and I shall have peace of mind when a plot
is secured for Mother (Sri Sarada Devi).

10- 2-95 - Three lectures I delivered in New York.
These Sunday public lectures are now taken down in
shorthand and printed. Three of them made two little
pamphlets...I shall be in New York two weeks more,
and then I go to Detroit to come back to Boston for a
week or two.

My health is very much broken down this year by
constant work. I am very nervous. I haVe not slept a

186

single night soundly this winter. I am sure, I am wor¬
king too much, yet a big work awaits me in England.

I will have to go through it and then I hope to reach
India and have rest all the rest of my life. I have tried
at least to do my best for the world, leaving the result
to the Lord.

Now I am longing for rest. Hope I will get some
and the Indian people will give me up. How I would
like to become dumb for some years and not talk at all!

I was not made for these struggles and fights of the
world, I am naturally dreamy and restful. I am a born
idealist, can only live in a world of dreams; the very
touch of fact disturbs my vision and makes me unhappy.
Thy will be done !

The whole life is a succession of dreams. My ambi¬
tion is to be a conscious dreamer, that is all.

14-2-95 - Perhaps, these mad desires were necessary
to bring me over to this country. And I thank the Lord
for the experience.

I am very happy now. Between Mr. Landsberg
and me, we cook some rice and lentils or barley and
quietly eat it, and write something or read or receive
visits from poor people who want to learn something,
and thus I feel I am more a Sannyasin now than I ever
was in America.

I went to see Miss Corbin the other day, and Miss
.Farmer and Miss Thursby were also there. We had a
Jpur and she wants me to hold some classes in
Ifyt Sunday.

187

I was told once by a Christian missionary that their
Scriptures have a historical character, and therefore, are
true. To which I replied, “Mine have no historical
character and therefore they are true; yours being histori¬
cal they were evidently made by some man the other
day. Yours are man-made and mine are not; their non¬
historicity is in their favour.”

I have myself been told by some of the Western
scientific minds of the day how wonderfully rational the
conclusions of the Vedanta are. I know one of them
personally, who scarcely has time to eat his meals, or go
out of his laboratory, but who yet would stand by the
hour to attend my lectures on the Vedanta; for, as he
expresses it, they are so scientific, they so exactly
harmonise with the aspirations of the age and with the
conclusions to which modern science is coming at the
present time.

It struck me more than once that I should have to
leave my bones on foreign shores owing to the prevalence
of religious intolerance.

By improper representation of the Hindu Gods and
Goddesses, the Christian missionaries were trying with
all their heart and soul to prove that really religious men
could never be produced from among their worshippers;
but like a straw before a tidal wave that attempt was
swept away; while that class of our countrymen - interest¬
ed organized bodies of mischief-makers - which set itself
to devise means for quenching the great fire of the
rapidly spreading power of Sri Ramakrishna, seeing all its
efforts futile, has yielded to despair. What is human
will in opposition to the Divine?

188

I am not a fool to believe anything and everything
without direct proof. And coming into this realm of
Mahamaya, oh, the many magic mysteries I have come
across alongside this bigger conjuration of a universe!
Maya, it is all Maya!

There is nothing higher than the knowledge of the
Atman, all else is Maya, mere jugglery. The Atman is
the One unchangable truth. This I have come to under¬
stand, and that is why I try to bring it home to all.

While I was in America, I had certain wonderful
powers developed in me. By looking into people’s eyes,
I could fathom in a trice the contents of their minds.
The working of everybody’s mind would be patent to me,
like the fruit on the palm of one’s hand.

To some I used to tell these things, and of those to
whom I communicated these, many would become my
disciples; whereas those who came to mix with me with
some ulterior motive would not, on coming across this
power of mine, even venture in to my presence any
more.

When I began lecturing in Chicago and other cities,
I had to deliver every week some twelve or fifteen or
even more lectures at times. This excessive strain on
the body and mind would exhaust me to a degree. I
seemed to run short of subjects for lectures, and was
anxious where to find new topics for the morrow’s lecture.
New thoughts seemed altogether scarce. One day, after
jjpre I lay thinking of what means to adopt next,
induced a sort of slumber and in that state
jpdy standing by me was lecturing

189

many new ideas and new veins of thought which I had
scarcely heard or thought of in my life. On awaking I
remembered them and reproduced them in my lecture.

I cannot enumerate how often this phehomenon took
place. Many, many days did I hear such lectures while
lying in bed. Sometimes the lecture would be delivered
in such a loud voice that the inmates of the adjacent
rooms would hear the sound and ask me |he next day.
“With whom, Swamiji, were you talking so loudly last
night?” I used to avoid the question somehow. Ah, it
was a wonderful phenomenon.

When pepole began to honour me, then the Padris
were after me. They spread many slanders about me by
publishing them in the newspapers. Many asked me to
contradict these slanders. But I never took the slightest
notice of them. It is my conviction that no great work is
accomplished in this world by low cunning; so without
paying any heed to these vile slanders, I used to work
steadily for my mission. The upshot, I used to find, was
that often my slanderers feeling repentant afterwards*
would surrender to me and offer apologies, themselves
contradicting the slanders in the papers. Sometimes, it
so happened that learning that I had been invited to a
certain house, somebody would communicate those slan¬
ders to my host, who hearing them, would leave home*
locking the door. When I went there, to attend the
invitation, I found it was deserted and nobody was there.
Again a few days afterwards, they themselves learning
the truth, would feel sorry for their previous conduct,
and come to offer themselves as disciples. The fact is...
this whole world is full of mean ways of worldliness. Bn

190

men of real moral courage and discrimination are never
deceived by these. Let the world say what it chooses, I
shall tread the path of duty—know this to be the line of
action for a hero. Otherwise, if one has to attend day and
night to what this man says or that man writes, no
great work is achieved in this world. “ Let those versed
in the ethical codes praise or blame, let Lakshmi, the
Goddess of fortune, come or go whenever she wisheth,
let death overtake him today or after a century, the wise
man never swerves from the path of rectitude.”

I stand for truth. Truth will never ally itsself with
falsehood. Even if all the world should be against me,
Truth must prevail in the end.

Missionaries and others could not do much against
me in this country (America). Through the Lord’s grace,
the people here like me greatly, and are not to be tricked
by the opinions of any particular class. They appreciate
my ideas.

When I was in America, I heard once the complaint
made that I was preaching too much of Advaita, and too
little of Dualism. To preach the Advaita aspect of
Vedanta is necessary to rouse up the hearts of men, to
show them the glory of their souls, It is, therefore, that
I preach this Advaita, and I do so not as a sectarian, but
upon universal and widely acceptable grounds.

U, S. A .: 6-3-95 - The Maharaja of Mysore is
dead—one of our greatest hopes. Well . r the Lord is
great. He will send others to help us.

I am going to have a series of paid lectures in my
rooms (downstairs), which will seat about a hundred

191

persons, and that will cover the expenses. Miss Hamlin
has been very kind to me and does all she can to help me.

N . y.; March 27 , 95 - Mrs. Bull has been greatly
benefitted by Mrs. Adam’s lessons. I also took a few but
no use; the ever-increasing load in front does not allow
me to bend forward as Mrs. Admas wants !

My classes are full of women. Sometimes, I get
disgusted with eternal lecturings and talkings; want to
be silent for days and days.

When I was a boy, I thought that fanaticism was a
great element in work, but now, as I grow older, I find
that it is not.

My experience comes to this, that it is rather wise to
avoid all sorts of fanatical reforms.

To make a man take in everything and believe it.
would be to make him a lunatic. I once had a book sent
to me, which said I must believe everything told m it. It
said there was no soul, but that there were Gods and
Goddesses in heaven, and a thread of light going from
each of our heads to heaven ! How did the writer know
all these things ? She had been inspired, and wanted to
believe it, too, and because I refused, she said, “You must
be a very bad man; there is no hope for you ! ” This is
fanaticism.

N. Y.: 10-4-95 - Tomorrow I have a class at Miss
Andrews’ of 40, W. 9th Street.

11-4-95 - I am going away to the country tomo¬
rrow to Mr. L - for a few days. A little fresh air will do
me good, I hope.

192

Everyone of my friends thought it would end in
nothing, this my living and preaching in poor quarters
by all myself, and that no ladies would ever come here.
Miss Hamlin especially thought that “ she ” or “her right
sort of people” were way up from such things as to go
and listen to a man who lives by himself in a poor lodg¬
ing. But, the “right kind” came for all that, day and
night, and she too. Lord 1 how hard it is for man to
believe in Thee and Thy mercies ! Shiva! Shiva!

24-4-95 - I am perfectly aware that although some
truth underlies the mass of mystical thought which has
burst upon the western world of late, it is for the most
part full of motives unworthy or insane.

For this reason, I have never had anything to do with
these phases of religion, either in India or elsewhere,
and mystics as a class are not very favourable to me...

Only the Advaita philosophy can save mankind,
whether in East or West, from “devil worship” and
kindred superstitions, giving tone and strength to the
very nature of man. India herself requires this, quite as
much or even more than the West. Yet, it is hard up¬
hill work, for we have first to create a taste, then teach,
and lastly proceed to build up the whole fabric.

Perfect sincerity, holiness, gigantic intellect, and an
all-conquering will—let only a handful of men work with
these, and the whole world will be revolutionised. I did
a good deal of platform work in this country last year,
and received plenty of applause but found that I was only
working for myself. It is the patient upbuilding of
character, an intense struggle to realise truth, which alone

193

will tell on the future of humanity. So this yearf am
hoping to work along this line—training up to practical
Advaita realisation a small band of men and women. I

do not know how far I shall succeed.I can teach, and

preach, and sometimes write. But, I have intense faith
in Truth. The Lord will send help and hands to work
with me. Only let me be perfectly pure, perfectly sinc¬
ere, and perfectly unselfish.

New York' 25-4-95 - The day before yesterday, I
received a kind note from Miss F—including a cheque for
a hundred dollars for the Barbar House lectures. She is
coming to N. Y. next Saturday.

I have arranged to go to the Thousand Islands. There
is a cottage belonging to Miss Dutcher, one of my stud¬
ents, and a few of us will be there on rest and peace and
seclusion. I want to manufacture a few “Yogis” out of
the materials of the classes.

New York: 5-5-95 -1 always thougth that although
Prof. Max Muller in all his writings on the Hindu religion
adds in the last a derogatory remark, he must see the
whole truth in the long run...His last book “Vedantism”-
there you will find him swallowing the whole of it:
re-incarnation and all...it is only a part of what I have
been telling...Many points smack of my paper in Chicago.

I am glad now the old man has seen the truth, because
that is the only way to have religion in the face of mod¬
ern research and science.

I know very little; that little I teach without reserve;
where I am ignoranf^confess it and never am I so glad
as when I find people being helped by Theosophists,

194

Christians, Mohammedans or any body in the world. I am
a Sannyasin and as such I consider myself as a servant,
not as a master in the world. If people love me, they are
welcome; if they hate, then too are they welcome.

U.S.A.: 6-5-95- 1 did not come to seek name and
fame, it was forced upon me...I am the one man who
dared defend his country, and I have given them such
ideas as they never expected from a Hindu. There are
many who are against me, but I will never be a coward.

I have a firm footing in N. Y., and so my work will
go on. I am taking several of my disciples to a summer
retreat to finish their training in Yoga and Bhakti and
Jnana.

New York : 7-5-95- I am going to have two public
lectures more in N.Y., in the upper hall of Mott’s Memo¬
rial Building. The first one will be Monday next, on the
Science of Religion; the next, on Rationale of Yoga.

The classes are going on and the attendance is large.
But, I shall have to close them this week. I am rather
busy just now in writing a promised article for the Press
Association on Immortality.

New York: 1895 - I am now in New York City. The
City is hot in summer, exactly like Calcutta. You perspire
profusely, and there is not a breath of air. I made a tour
in the north for a couple of months. I shall start for
England.

N. Y. May: 95-My pupils have come round me with
help and the classes will go on nicely now no doubt. I

195

was so glad of it because teaching has become a part of
my life, as necessary to my life as eating or breathing.

Those that are very emotional, no doubt, have their
Kundalini rushing quickly upwards, but it is as quick to
come down as to go up. And when it does come down,
it leaves the devotee in a state of utter ruin. It is for
this reason that Kirtans and other auxiliaries to emotional
development have a great drawback. It is true that by
dancing, jumping, etc. through a momentary impulse,
that power is made to course upwards, but it is never
enduring. On the contrary, when it traces back its course,
it rouses virulent lust in the individual. Listening to my
lectures in America, through temporary excitement many
among the audience used to get into an ecstatic state, and
some would even become motionless like statues, but on
enquiry, I afterwards found that many of them had an
excess of the carnal instinct immediately after that state.
But this happens simply owing to a lack of steady practice
in meditation and concentration.

New York: 28-5-95 - I have succeeded in doing
something in this country at last.

June, 95 : I am going today to live with the Guern¬
seys as the doctor wants to watch me and cure me...

I will be in N. Y. a few days more. Helmer wants
me to take three treatments a week for four weeks, then
two a week for four more and I will be all right. In case
I go to Boston, he recommends me to a very good ostad
(expert) there whom he would advise on the matter.

New Hampshire : 7-6-95 I am here at last with
Mr. Leggett. This is one of the most beautiful spots I

196

have ever seen. Imagine a lake surrounded with hills
covered with a huge forest, with nobody but ourselves.
So lovely, so quiet, so restful! How glad I am to be here
after the bustle of cities!

It gives me a new lease of life to be here. I go into
the forest alone and read my Gita, and am quite happy. I
will leave this place in about ten days and go to the
Thousand Islands Park. I will meditate by the hour
there, and be all alone to myself. The very idea is
ennobling.

N. Y. : June , 95 - I have just arrived home. The
trip did me good, and, I enjoyed the country and the hills,
and especially Mr. Leggett’s country-house in N. Y.
State.

May the Lord bless Landsberg wherever he goes!
He is one of the sincere souls I have had the privilege in
this life to come across.

Just now I received a letter from an English gentle¬
man in London who had lived in India in the Himalayas
with two of my brethren. He aske me to come to London.

Percy N. H.: 17-6-95 : ( on birch bark ) - Going
tomorrow to the Thousand Island care Miss Dutcher’s,
T. I. Park, N. Y. I have a chance of going to Europe in
August.

New York : 22-6-95 : I am going on pretty nearly
in the same old fashion; talking when I can and silent
when forced to be. I do not know whether I will go to
Greenacre this summer. I saw Miss Farmer the other
day...She is a noble, noble lady.

197

I am left alone. I am living mostly on nuts and
fruits and milk, and find it very nice and healthy, too. I
hope to lose about 30 to 40 lbs. this summer. That will
be all right for my size. I am afraid I have forgotten all
about Mrs. Adam’s lessons in walking. I will have to
renew them when she comes again to N. Y.

This year, I could hardly keep my head up and I did
not go about lecturing ...I intend to write a book this
summer on the Vedanta philosophy.

T. I. Park, N. Y. : 26-6-95-In the articles by
Prof. Max Muller on the “Immortality of the Soul,* the
old man has taken in Vedanta, bones and all, and has
boldly come out...

I am asked again and again in the letters from India
to go over. They are getting desperate. Now if I go to
Europe, I will go as the guest of Mr. Francis Leggett of
N. Y. He will travel all over Germany, England, France
and Switzerland for six weeks. From there I shall go to
India, or I may return to America. I have a seed planted
here and wish it to grow. This winter's work in N. Y.
was splendid and it may die if I suddenly go to India; so
I am not sure about going to India soon.

Nothing noticeable has happened during this visit to
the Thousand Islands. The scenery is very beautiful and
I have some of my friends here with me to talk about
God and soul ad libitum... I am eating fruits and drink¬
ing milk and so forth, and studying huge Sanskrit books
on Vedanta which they have kindly sent me from India...

My reply to Madras (address) has produced a
tremendous effect there. 'A late speech by the President
of the Madras Christian College, Mr. Miller, embodies

198

a large amount of my ideas, and declares that the West
is in need of Hindu ideas of God and man, and calls
upon the young men to go and preach to the West.
This has created quite a furore, of course amongst the
Missions...

* 9-7-95- I am a man of dogged perseverence. The
more the Christian priests oppose me, the more I am
determined to leave a permanent mark on their country.

I have already some friends in London. 1 am going
there by the end of August.

Aug. 95 - My ideas are going to work in the
West better than in India.

I am free, my bonds are cut, what care I where this
body goes or does not go?... I have a truth to teach, I,
the child of God. And, He, who gave me the truth will
send me fellow-workers...

T. /. Park , N. Y. .* I am enjoying this place immen¬
sely; very little eating, good deal of thinking and talking,
and study. A wonderful calmness is coming over my
soul. Every day I feel I have no duty to do; I am
always in eternal rest and peace. It is He that works.
We are only instruments. Blessed be His name 1 The
threefold bondage of lust and gold and fame is as it were
fallen from me for the time being, and once more even
here, I feel what sometimes I felt in India : “From me
all difference has fallen, all right or wrong, all delusion
and ignorance has vanished, I am walking in the path
beyond the qualities.” What law I obey, what disobey ?

199

From that height, the universe looks like a mudpuddle.
Hart Om Tat Sat. He exists; nothing else does. I in
Thee and Thou in me. Be Thou, Lord, my eternal
refuge! Peace, Peace, Peace!

N. Y. : 2-8-95 - I am going to Paris first with a
friend and start for Europe on the 17th of Aug. I will,
however, remain in Paris only a week...and then I go
over to London.

Some Theosophists came to my classess in N. Y., but
as soon as human beings perceive the glory of the
Vedanta, all abracadabras fall off themselves. This has
been my uniform experience. Whenever mankind attains
a higher vision, the lower vision disappears of itself. Mul¬
titude counts for nothing. A few heart-whole, sincere
and energetic men can do more in a year than a mob in a
century; if there is heat in one body, then those others
that come near it must catch it. This is the law.

So success is ours, so long as we keep up the heat,
the spirit of truth, sincerity and love. My own life has
been a very chequered one, but I have always found the
eternal words verified; “Truth alone triumphs, not
untruth. Through Truth, alone, lies the way of God.”

New York : 9-8-95 - The names of those who will
wish to injure us will be legion. But is that not the
surest sign of our having the truth? The more I have
been opposed, the more my energy has always found
expression; I have been driven and worshipped by
princes. I have been slandered by priests and laymen
alike. But, what of it? Bless them all! They are my
very Self and have they not helped me by acting as a

200

spring board from which my energy could take higher
and higher flights?

I have discovered one great secret — I have nothing
to fear from talkers of religion.

N.Y. Aug . 95 - The work here is going on splen¬
didly. I have been working incessantly at two classes
a day since my arrival. Tomorrow I go out of town with
Mr. Leggett for a week’s holiday. Madame Antoinettee
Sterling, one of the great (English) singers is very much
interested in the work. I have made over all the secular
part of the work to a committee and am free from all
that botheration. I have no aptitude for organising.
It nearly breaks me to pieces.

I have now taken up the Yoga Sutras, and take them
up one by one and go through all the commentators along
with them. These talks are all taken down, and when
completed will form the fullest annotated translation of
Patanjali in English.

TJ. Parky Aug. 95 - I am going by the end of
Aug. with Mr. Leggett to Paris, and then I go to London.

The older I grow the more I see behind the idea of
Hindus, that man is the greatest of all beings.

Paris : 5-9-95 - I have a cordial invitation from
Miss Muller... I was very ill for a few days.

9-9-95 - I am going to London tomorrow.

ENGLAND

Reading , England : Sept. 95 - I arrived safely in
London; found my friend (Mr. E.T. Sturdy) and am

201

all right in his home. It is beautiful. His wife is surely
an angel, and his life is full of India. He has been years
there — mixing with the Sannyasins, eating their food,
etc. etc.; so, I am very happy. I found already several
retired Generals from India; they were very civil and
polite to me.

That wonderful knowledge of the Americans that
identify every black man with the negro is entirely
absent here, and nobody even stares at me in the
streets...

I am very much more at home here than anywhere
out of India--.

My friend being a Sanskrit scholar, we are busy
working on the great commentaries of Shankara, etc. I
am going to try to get up classes in October in London.

It is taught in the West that society began 1800
years ago, with the New Testament. Before that there
was no society. That may be true with regard to the
West, but it is not true as regards the whole world.

Often, while I was lecturing in London, a very
intellectual and intelligent friend of mine would argue
with me, and one day after using all his weapons against
me, he suddenly exclaimed, '‘But why did not your Rishis
come to England to teach us?” I replied, ‘‘Because there
was no England to come to. Would they preach to the
forests?”

Saversham (England): 4-10-95 - I am now in
England. Mr. Sturdy has taken invitation from me, and
is a very enterprising and good man.

202

Reading (England ) Oct. 95 - Mr. Sturdy is known
to Tarakda (Shivananda). We are both trying to create
a stir in England. I shall this year leave again in
November for America.

4-10-95 - He (Sri Ramakrishna) is protecting us,
forsooth - I see it before my eyes. Is it through my own
strength that beauty like that of fairies, and hundreds of
thousands of rupees, lose their attraction and appear as
nothing to me? Or is it he who is protecting me?

6-10-95 - This month I am going to give two lectures
in London and one in Maidenhead.

23-10-95 - I delivered a lecture (“Self-knowledge”)
last night at 8-30 P.M. in the Princes Hall (Piccadilly)
London.

Whatever in my teaching may appeal to the highest
intelligence and be accepted by thinking men, the adop¬
tion of that will be my reward.

All religions have for their object the teaching either
of devotion, knowledge or Yoga, in a concrete form.
Now, the philosophy of Vedanta is the abstract science
which embraces all these methods, and this is that I teach
leaving each one to apply it to his own concrete form. I
refer each individual to his own experiences, and where
reference is made to books the latter are procurable, and
may be studied by each one for himself. Above all, I
teach no authority proceeding from hidden beings, speak¬
ing through visible agents, any more than I claim learning
from hidden books or manuscripts. I am the exponent
of no occult societies, nor do I believe that good can come
of such bodies.

203

I teach only the self, hidden in the heart of every
individual and common to all.

I propound a philosophy which can serve as a basis
to every possible religious system in the world, and my
attitude towards all of them is one of extreme sympathy-
my teaching is antagonistic to none. I direct my atten¬
tion to the individual, to make him strong, to teach him
that he himself is divine, and I call upon men to make
themselves conscious of this divinity within.

Caver sham {Eng): 1895 - I have to work day and
night, and am always whirling from place to place besides.
By the end of next week I shall go to America.

Eng. 95 - One must prevail over these people by
dint of learning, or one will be blown off at a puff. They
understand neither Sadhus nor your Sannyasins nor the
spirit of renunciation. What they do understand is
the vastness of learning, the display of eloquence and
tremendous activity.

London 24-10-95-1 have already^my first address.
It has been well received by the 4 Standard / one of the
most influential conservative papers.

Chelsea (Eng): 31-10-95 -Two American ladies,
mother and daughter, Mrs. and Miss Netter, living in
London came to the class last night. They were very
sympathetic, of course. The class there at Mr. Chamier’s
is finished.

I shall begin at my lodgings from Saturday night
next. I expect to have a pretty good-sized room or two
for my classes. I have been also invited to Moncure

204

Conway’s Society, where I speak on the 10th. I shall
have a lecture in the Balboa Society next Tuesday. The
Lord will help.

London : 18-11-95 - In England my work is really
splendid. I am astonished myself at it...Bands and bands
come and I have no room for so many; so they squat on
the floor, ladies and all.

I am really tired from incessant work. Any other
Hindu would have died if he had to work as hard as
I have to.

21-11-95 - I sail by the ‘Britannia’on Wednesday,
the 27th. My work so far has been very satisfactory here.

R.M.S. “ Britannia ” (on the way hack to America)
So far the journey has been very beautiful. The Purser
has been very kind to me and gave me a cabin to myself.
The only difficulty is the food...Today, they have prom¬
ised to give me some vegetables. We are standing at
anchor now. The fog is too thick to allow the ship to
proceed. It is a queer fog almost impenetrable, though
the sun is shinging bright and cheerful.

A great number of people sympathised with me in
America - much more than in England. Vituperation by
the low cast missionaries made my cause succeed better.
I had no money, the people of India having given me my
bare passage-money, which was spent in a very short
time. I had to live on the charity of individuals.

In England, there was not one missionary or anybody
who said anything against me; not one who tried to make
a scandal about me. To my astonishment, many of my
friends belong to the Church of England.

205

BACK TO U.S.A.

3-12-95 - (U.S.A.) - I find I have a mission in this
country also (U.S.A.).

I have a messege to the West as Buddha had a
message to the East.

My ideal indeed can be put into a few words, that is,
to preach unto mankind their divinity and how to make
it manifest in every moment of life.

This world is in chains of superstition. I pity the
oppressed, whether man or woman, and I pity the oppre¬
ssors more.

The world is burning with misery. Can we sleep?
Let us call and call till the sleeping gods awake, till the
God within answers to the call. What more is in life?
What greater work? The details come to me as I go. I
never make plans. Plans grow and work themselves and
I only say, awake, awake!

Yes, Buddha taught that the many were real and the
One unreal, while orthodox Hinduism regards the One
as the Real, and the many as unreal; and what Ramakri-
shna Paramhamsa and I have added to this is that the
Many and the One are the same Reality, perceived by
same mind at different times and in different attitudes.

Ingersoll once said to me: U I believe in making the
most out of this world, in squeezing the orange dry,
because this world is all we are sure of.” I replied, “I
know a better way to sqeeze the orange of this world
than you do, and I get more out of it. I know I cannot
die, so I am not in a hurry; I know there is no fear, so I

206

enjoy the squeezing. I have no duty, no bondage of
wife and children and property; I can love all men and
women. Everyone is God to me. Think of the joy of
loving man as God! Squeeze your orange this way and
get ten-thousand fold more out of it. Get every single
drop.”

That knowledge (of answering other’s question
before their vocal expression) £dos^7not happen to me so
often, but with Sri Ramakrishna it was almost always
there.

New York: 8-12-95 - After ten days of a most
tedious and rough voyage, I safely arrived in New York.
For the first time in my life, I was badly sea-sick. My
friends had already engaged ■ some rooms, where I am
living now, and intend to hold classes ere long. In the
meanwile, the T-s have been alarmed very much and
are trying their best to hurt me; but they and their
followers are of no consequence whatever.

I went to see Mrs. Leggett and other friends and they
are as kind and enthusiastic as ever.

After the clean and beautiful cities of Europe, New
York appears dirty and miserable. I am going to begin
work next Monday...Saw Mrs. and Mr. Solomon
and other friends. By chance met Mrs. Peak at Mrs.
Guernsey’s but yet have no news of Mrs. Rothinburger.
Going to Ridley this Christmas.

N.Y.: 10-12-95 - This month, notices are out for the
four Sunday lectures. The lectures for the first week of
Feb. in Brooklyn are being arranged by Dr. Janes and
others.

207

N. Y.: 16-12-95 - The classes I had here were
six in the week, besides a question class. The general
attendance varies between 70 to 120. Besides, every
Sunday I have a public lecture. The last month my
lectures were in a small hall holding about 600. But 900
will come as a rule, 300 standing, and about 330 going
off, not finding room. This week, thereore, I have a
bigger hall, with a capacity of holding 1200 people.

There is no admission charge in these lectures, but a
collection covers the rent. The newspapers have taken
me up this week and altogether I have stirred up New
York considerably this year. If 1 could have remained
here this summer and organised a summer place, the work
would have been going on sure foundations here. But as
I intend to go over in May to England, I shall have to
leave it unfinished.

I am afraid my health is breaking down under
constant work. I want some rest. The Brakmavadin is
going on here very satisfactorily. I have begun to write
articles on Bhakti...Some friends here are publishing my
Sunday lectures.

Next month I go to Detroit, then to Boston, and
Harvard University, then I shall have rest, and then I
go to England.

New York : 23-12-95 - I have a strong hatred for
child-marriage, I have suffered terribly from it and it is
the great sin for which our nation has to suffer. As such
I would hate myself if I help such a diabolical custom
directly or indirectly...This world is broad enough for
me. There will always be a corner found for me some- '

208

where. If the people of India do not like me, there will
be others who do. I must set my foot to the best of my
ability upon this devilish custom of child-marriage...I
am sorry, very sorry. I cannot have anything to do with
such things as getting husbands for babies. Lord help
me, I never had and never will have...I can kill the man
who gets a husband for a baby...I want bold, daring,
adventurous spirits to help me. Else I will work alone.
I have a mission to fulfil. I will work it out alone. I do
not care who comes or who goes...I am pleased with my¬
self for having tried my best to discharge the duties laid
on me by my Guru; and well done or ill, I am glad that I
have tried. I want no help from any human being in any
country.

1896 - I got thoroughly used to the interviewer in
America... There I was representative of the Hindu reli¬
gion at the world’s Parliament of Religions at Chicago in
1893. The Raja of Mysore and some other friends sent
me there. I think I may lay claim to having had some
success in America. I had many invitations to other
great America^cities besides Chicago. My visit was a
very long one, for with the exception of a visit to Eng¬
land last summer, I remained about three years in
America. The American civilsation is in my opinion a
very great one. I find the American mind peculiarly
susceptible to new ideas, nothing is rejected because it is
examined on its own merits and stands or falls by thq$e
alone.

It might convey a more definite idea to call it (my
teaching) the kernel of all forms of religion, stripping

209

from them the non-essential and laying stress on that
which is the real basis.

New York: 18 1-96 - I have begun my Sunday
lectures here and also the classes. Both are very enthu¬
siastically received. I make them all free and take up a
collection to pay the hall etc. Last Sunday’s lecture was
very much appreciated and is in the Press,

As my friends have engaged a Stenographer (Good¬
win) all these class lessons and public lectures are taken
down...

I have a chance of getting a piece of land in the
country, and some buildings on it, plenty of trees and a
river, to serve as a summer meditation resort. That, of
course, requires a committee to look after it in my
absence, also the handling of money and printing and
other matters,

I have separated myself entirely from money ques¬
tions, yet without it, the movement cannot go on. So
necessarily I have to make over every thing executive to
a commitee, which will look after these things in my
absence.

U. S. A. : 17-2-96 - I have succeeded now in
rousing the very heart of the American civilisation, New
York, but it has been a terrific struggle.

People are now flocking to me. Hundreds have now
become convinced that there are men who can really
control their bodily desires.

N. Y. : 29-2-96 - One book, the Karma - Yoga,
has been already published; the Raja-Yoga , a much

210

bigger one, is in the course of publication; the Jnana-
Yoga may be published later on. These will be popular
bodks, the language being that of talk. The steno¬
grapher, who is an Englishman, named Goodwin, has
become so interested in the work that I have now made
him a Brahmachari, and he is going round with me.

N. Y. : 17-3-96 - I had a beautiful letter from
Miss Muller, also one from Miss MacLeod; the Leggett
Family has become very attached to me.

Boston : 23-3-96 - One of my new Sannyasins is
indeed a woman. The others are men.

My success is due to my popular style-the greatness
of a teacher consists in the simplicity of his language.
My ideal of language is my Master’s language, most
colloquial and yet most expressive. ^ __

I am glad that a good deal of I rtenit ure**has been
created by taking down stenographic notes of my litera¬
tures. Four books are ready.

Chicago : 6-4-96 - I have been suffering from slight
fever for the last two days.

N. Y.: 14-4-96 - I am sailing for England tomorrow.
I sail on the White Star Line Germanic (tomorrow)
at 12 noon.

SECOND VISIT TO ENGLAND

Reading ( Eng .).* 20-4-96 - The voyage has been
pleasant and no sickness the* time, I gave myself treat¬
ment to avoid it. I made quite a little run through
Ireland and some of the old England towns and now am

211

once more in Reading admidst Brahma, Maya, and Jiva,
the individual and the universal soul, etc.

May 96 , London : In London once more. The
eliminate now in England is nice and cool. We have fire
in the grate.

I am having classes here just now. I begin Sunday
lectures from next week. The classes are very big and
are in the house. We have rented it for the season.

London : 30-5-96 Day before yesterday, I had a
fine meeting with Prof. Max Muller. He is a saintly man
and looks like a young man in spite of seventy years, and
his face is without a wrinkle. His reverence for Rama-
krishna Paramahamsa is extreme.

And he has written an article on him in the Nine -
teenth Century . He asked me, “What are you doing
to make him known to the world?” Ramakrishna has
charmed him for years.

I am to begin from next Sunday my public lectures.

May , 96 - We have a whole house to ourselves this
time. It is small but convenient, and in London they do
not cost so much as in America. Some old friends are
here, and Miss M. came over from the Continent. She is
good as gold, and as kind as ever. We have a nice little
family in the house, with another monk from India. I
have had two classes already—they will go on for four or
five months and after that to India I go.

This city of London is a sea of human heads—ten or
fifteen Calcuttas put together.

5-6-96 - The Raja-Yoga book is going on splendidly.
Saradananda goes for the States soon.

212

The biggest guns of the English Church told me that
I was putting Vedantism into the Bible.

Mrs. Besant is a very good woman. I lectured at
her Lodge in London. I do not know personally much
about her. That she is one of the most sincere of women,
her greatest enemy will concede. She is considered to
be the best speaker in England. She is a Sannyasini.

At first, I found myself in a critical position owing to
the hostile attitude assumed against the people of this
country (India) by those who went there (America)
from India...At first, many fell foul of me, manufactured
huge lies against me by saying that I was a fraud, that I
had a harem of wives and half a regiment of children.
But my experiences of these missionaries opened my eyes
as to what they were capable of doing in the name of relig¬
ion. Missionaries were nowhere in England. None came
to fight me. Mr. Lund went over to America to abuse me
behind my back, but people would not listen to him. I
was very popular with them. When I came back to
England, I thought this missionary would be at me, but
Truth silenced him. They (the English Church people)
greatly sympathised with me. I was agreeably surprised
to find that the English clergymen, though they differed
from me, did not abuse me behind my back and stab in
the dark.

When I first lectured in England, I had a little class
of twenty or thirty, which was kept going when I left,
and when I came back from America, I could get an
audience of one thousand. In America, I could get a
much bigger one, as I spent three years in America.

213

June , 6 t 96 - What an extraordinary man is Prof.
Max Muller! I paid a visit to him a few days ago. The
Professor was first induced to inquire about the power,
which led to sudden and momentous changes in the life
of the late Keshab Chandra Sen, the great Brahmo leader;
and since then, he has been an earnest student and

admirer of the life and teachings of Sri Ramakrishna.

*

“Ramakrishna is worshipped by thousands today,
Professor” I said. “To whom else shall worship be
accorded if not to such?” was the answer. The Professor
was : kindness itself, and asked Mr. Sturdy, and myself
to lunch with him. He showed us several colleges in
Oxford, and the Bodlein library. He also accompanied us
to the railway station and all this he did because as he said,
“It is not everyday one meets a disciple of Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa.”

The visit was really a revelation to me. That nice
little house in its setting of a beautiful garden, the silver¬
headed sage, with a face calm and benign, and forehead
smooth as a child’s in spite of seventy winters, and every
line in that face speaking of a deep-seated mine of spirit¬
uality somewhere behind; that noble wife, the ‘helpmate
of his life through his long and arduous task of exciting
interest, overriding Opposition and contempt, and at last
creating a respect for the thoughts of the sages of ancient
India-the trees, the flowers, the calmness, and the clear
sky-all these sent me back in imagination to the glorious
days of ancient India, the days of our Brahmarshis and
Rajarshis, the days of the great Vanaprasthis, the days
of Arundhatis and Vasishthas.

214

It was neither the philologist nor the scholar that I
saw, but a soul that is every day realising its oneness with
Brahman, a heart that is every moment expanding to
reach oneness with the universal. Where others lose
themselves in the desert of dry details, he has struck the
well-spring of life. Indeed his heart-beats have caught
the rhythm of the Upanishads

“Know the Atman alone, and leave off all other

talk.”

And what love he bears towards India ! I wish I had
a hundredth part of that love for my own motherland!

Max Muller is a Vedantist of Vedantists.

“When are you coming to India ? Every heart there
would welcome one who has done so much to place the
thoughts of their ancestors in the true light,” I said.

The face of the aged sage brightened up—there was
almost a tear in his eye, a gentle nodding of the head, and
slowly the words came out—“I would not return then;
you would have to cremate me there.” Further questions
seemed an unwarrantable intrusion into realms wherein
are stored the holy secrets of man’s heart.

There are certain great souls in the West who since¬
rely desire the good of India, but I am not aware whether
Europe can point out another well-wisher of India, who
feels more for India’s well-being than Prof. Max Muller.

My impression is that it is Sayana who is born again
as Max Muller to revive his own commentary on the
Vedas! I have had this notion for long. It became
confirmed in my mind, it seems, after I had seen Max
Muller. What a deep* and unfathomable respect for Sri

215

Ramakrishna! He believes in his Divine Incarnation!
What hospitality towards me when I was his guest.
Seeing the old man and his lady, it seemed to me that
they were living their home-life like another Vasishtha
and Arundhati! At the time of parting with me, tears
came into the eyes of the old man.

One who is the commentator of the Vedas, the shin¬
ing embodiment of knowledge—what are Varnashrama
and caste to him? To him they are wholly meaningless,
and he can assume human birth wherever he likes for
doing good to mankind. Specially, if he did not choose
to be born in a land which excelled both in learning and
wealth, where would he secure the large expenses for
publishing such stupendous volumes? The East India
Company paid nine lakhs of rupees in cash to have the
Rig-Veda published! Even this money was not enough.
Hundreds of Vedic Pandits had to be employed in
this country (India) on monthly stipends. Has anybody
seen in this age, here in this country, such profound
yearning for knowledge, such prodigious investment of
money for the sake of light and learning ?

> Max Muller himself has written it in his preface that
in twentyfive years, he prepared only the manuscripts.
Then the printing took another twenty years! It is not
J possible for an ordinary man to drudge for fortyfive
i years of his life with one publication. Just think of it!
Is it an idle fancy of mine to say he is Sayana himself?

i

It was Sankaracharya who first found out the idea
of the identity of time, space and causation with Maya,
and I had the good fortune to find one or two passages

216

in Sankara's commentaries and send them to my friend.
Professor Max Muller.

That Advaitism is the highest discovery in the
domain of religion, the Professor has many times publicly
admitted.

Perhaps his previous birth was in India; and lest by
coming to India, the old frame should break down under
the violent rush of a suddenly aroused mass of past
recollections—is the fear in his mind that now stands
foremost in the way of his visit to this country (India).
It is not a fact that the Professor is an utter disbeliever
in such subtle subjects as the mysterious psychic powers
of the Yogis.

Prof. Max Muller presented Sri Ramakrishna’s life
to the learned European public in an article entitled “A
Real Mahatman" which appeared in the Nineteenth
Century in its August number, 1896.

Subsequently, he has published the book— Rama -
krishna , His Life and Sayings.

The greater portion of the book has been devoted to
the collection of the sayings, rather than to the life itself.
That those sayings have attracted the attention of many
of the English-speaking readers throughout the world,
can be easily inferred from the rapid sale of the book.
The sayings falling direct from his holy lips are
impregnate with the strongest spiritual force and power
and therefore they will surely exert their divine influence
in every part of the world.

217

London .* 24-6-96 - Next month I go to Switzerland
to pass a month or two there, then I shall return to
London.

London 6-7-96 - The Sunday lectures were quite
successful. So were the classes. The season has ended,
and I too am thoroughly exhausted.

London 7-7-96 - The work here progressed won¬
derfully. I had one monk here from India. I have sent
him to the U.S.A. and sent for another from India. The
season is closed, the classes, therefore, and the Sunday
lectures are to be closed on the 16th next. And on the
19th, I go for a month or so for quiet and rest in the
Swiss Mountains to return next autumn to London and
begin again. The work here has been very satisfactory.
By rousing interest here, I really do more for India than
in India... Later on, towards the end of the winter, I
expect to go to India with some English friends who
are going to live in my monastery there, which, by the
way, is in the air yet. It is struggling to materialize
somewhere in the Himalayas.

London : 8-7-96 - In three minutes’ time, the other
evening, my class raised £ 150/- for the new quarters for
next autumn’s work.

England 14-7-96 -1 am going to Switzerland next
Sunday.

SWITZERLAND

Switzerland 25-7-96 - I want to forget the world
entirely at least for the next two months. The moun-

218

tains and snow have a beautifully quieting influence on
me, and I am getting better sleep here than for a long time.

I am reading a little, starving a good deal, and
practising a good deal more. The strolls in the woods
are simply delicious. We are now situated under three
huge glaciers, and the scenery is very beautiful.

Whatever scruples I may have had as to the Swiss
lake origin of the Aryans, have been taken clean off
my mind.

5-8-96 - A letter came this morning from Prof.
Max Muller telling me that the article on Sri Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa has been published in the Nineteenth
Century, August number.

He asked my opinion about it...He promises a good
deal of help.

8-8-96 - Mrs. Annie Besant invited me to speak at
her Lodge on Bhakti. I lectured there one night. Col.
Olcott also was there. I did it to show my sympathy for
all sects.

Max Muller writes me a long and nice letter offering
to write a book on Sri Ramakrishna. I have already
supplied him with much material.

I am now taking rest. I am much refreshed now.
I look out of the window and see the huge glaciers just
before me, and feel that I am in the Himalayas. I am
quite calm. My nerves have regained their accustomed
strength and little vexations do not touch me at all.
How shall I be disturbed by this child’s play ? The whole
world is a mere child’s play 1 —preaching, teaching, and all

219

included. And what is there to be desired in this little
muddle - puddle of a world, with its ever - recurring
misery, disease and death?

This rest, eternal, peaceful rest, I am catching a
glimpse of now in this beautiful spot. “Having once
known that the Atman alone and nothing else exists,
desiring what or for whose welfare, shall you suffet
misery about the body?’*

Miss Muller thinks that she will go away very soon to
England. In that case, I will not be able to go to Berne,
for that Purity Congress I have promised. Only if the
Seviers consent to take me along I will go to Kiel. The
Seviers are good and kind, but I have no right to take
advantage of their generosity, nor of Miss Muller as the
expenses there are frightful. As such, I think it best to
give up the Berne Congress, as it will come in the middle
of September, a long way off. I am thinking, therefore,
of going towards Germany ending in Kiel, and thence
back to England.

Miss Muller telegraphed to Prof. Deussen last
night; the reply came this morning, 9th Aug., welcoming
me; I am to be in Kiel at Deussen’s on the 10th
September. I am going with the Seviers to Kiel.

I have not fixed yet anything about the lecture. I
have no time to read.

Switz : 12-8-96 - I haven’t yet written anything nor
read anything. I am indeed taking a good rest. I had a
letter from the Math stating that the other Swami is
ready to start. He will, I am sure, be just the man. He
is one of the best Sanskrit scholars we have.I have

220

a number of newspaper cuttings from America about
Saradananda—I hear from them that he has done very
well there.

Aug . 1896 - I went to the glacier of Monte Rosa
yesterday and gathered a few hardy flowers growing
almost in the midst of eternal snow.

23-8-96 - I am at present travelling in Switzerland*
and shall soon go to Germany, to see Professor Deussen.
I shall return to England from there about the 23rd or
24th September and the next winter will find me back
in my country.

Saradananda and Goodwin are doing good work in
the U.S. I have sent for another man from India who
will join me next month. I have begun the work, let
others work it out.

I have seen Professors of Sanskrit in America and
in Europe. Some of them are very sympathetic towards
Vedantic thought. I admire their intellectual acumen
and their lives of unselfish labour. But, Paul Deussen*

I who is the professor of Philosophy in the University of
I Kiel, and the veteran Max Muller heve impressed me, as
\ the truest friends of India and Indian thought. It will
always be among the most pleasing episodes in my life—
my first visit to this ardent Vedantist at Kiel, his gentle
wife who travelled with him in India, and his little
daughter, the darling of his heart—and our travelling
together through Germany and Holland to London, and
the pleasant meetings we had in London.

The Hindus visiting foreign countries take with
them Ganges water and the Gita.First time when I

221

went to the West, I also took a little of it with me,
thinking it might be needed, and whenever opportunity
occurred I used to drink a few drops of it. And every
time I drank, in the midst of the stream of humanity,
amid that bustle of civilisation, that hurry of frenzied
footsteps of millions of men and women in the West, the
mind at once became calm and still, as it were. That
stream of men, that intense activity of the West, that
clash and competition at every step, those seats of luxury
and celestial opulence—Paris, London, New York, Berlin,
Rome—all would disappear and I used to hear that
wonderful sound of “Hara, Hara,"

26-8-96 -1 have been doing a great deal of mountain¬
climbing and glacier-crossing in the Alps. Now I am
going to Germany, I have an invitation from Prof.
Deussen to visit him at Kiel.

Kiel: 10-9-96 -I have at last seen Prof. Deussen...
the whole of yesterday was spent very nicely with the
Professor, sightseeing and discussing Vedanta—He is
what I should call “a warring Advaitist."

BACK TO ENGLAND

London: 17-9-96- Today I reached London, after
my two months of climbing and walking and glacier see¬
ing in Switzerland. One good it has done me-a few
pounds of unnecessary adipose tissue have returned to
the gaseous state!

I had a pleassant visit from Prof. Deussen in
Germany, the greatest living German Philosopher. He
and I travelled together to England, and today came

222

together to see my friend here with whom I am to stop
for the rest of my stay in England. I shall work for a
few weeks, and then go back to India in the winter.

My natural tendency is to go into a cave, and be
quiet, but a fate behind pushes me forward and I go.
Who ever could resist fate ?

I now live mostly on fruits and nuts, they seem to
agree with me well. I have lost a good deal of my fat,
but on days I lecture, I have to go on solid food.

I met Madam S- in the street today. She does not
come any more to my lectures. Good for her. Too much
of philosophy is not good !

The lady who used to come to every meeting too
late to hear a word, but buttonholed me immediately
after and kept me talking, till a battle of Waterloo
would be raging in my internal economy through hunger.
She came. They are all coming and more. That is
cheering.

We have a hall now; a pretty big one holding about
two hundred or more. There is a big corner which will
be fitted up as a library. I have another man from India
now to help me.

Wimbledon: 8-10-96 - The London classes were
resumed, and today is the opening lecture.

London: 28-10-96 -The new Swami(Abhedananda)
delivered his maiden speech yesterday at a friendly
society's meeting. It was good and I liked it; he has the
making of a good speaker in him, I am sure.

223

Goodwin is going to become a Sannyasin. It is to
him that we owe all my books. He is a strict vegetarian.
He took shorthand notes, of my lectures, which enabled
the books to be published.

London: 13-11-96 - I am very soon starting for
India, most probably on the 16th of Dec. The first
edition of Raja-Yoga is sold out, and there is standing
order for several hundreds more.

28-11-96 - The work in London has been a roaring
success. Capt. and Mrs. Sevier and Mr. Goodwin are
going to India with me to work and spend their own
money on it!

I am going to start a centre in Calcutta and another
in the Himalayas. The Himalayan one will be an entire
hill about 7000 ft. high, cool in summer, cold in winter.
Capt. and Mrs. Sevier will live there.

People there in the West think that the more a man
is religious, the more demure he must be in his outward
bearing,—no word about anything else from his lips! As
the priests in the West would on the one hand be‘struck
with wonder at my liberal religious discourses, they
would be as much puzzled on the other hand when they
found me after such discourses, talking frivolities with
my friends. Sometimes, they would speak out to my
face : “Swami, you are a priest, you should not be joking
and laughing in this way like ordinary man. Such levity
does not look well in you.” To which I would reply :
“We are children of Bliss; why should we look morose
and sombre?” But, I doubt if they could rightly catch
the drift of my words.

224

I had to work till I am at death’s door and had to
spend nearly the whole of that energy in America, so
that the Americans might learn to be broader and more
spiritual. In England, I worked only six months. There
was not a breath of scandal save one, and that was the
working of an American woman, which greatly relieved
my English friends,—not only no attacks, but many of
the best English Church clergymen became my firm
friends, and without asking I got much help for my work.

Feb. 97 - From first to last, it (my first experience
of America) was very good.

I have a good many disciples in the West,—may be
more than two or three thousands. And they are all
initiated with Mantras. I gave them permission to utter
Pranava (Om). My disciples are all Brahmanas !

I call them JBrahmanas who are sattwika by nature.

I have visited a good deal of Europe, including
Germany and France, but England and America were the
chief centres of my work.

All the social upheavalists (in America and England),
at least leaders of them, are trying to find that all their
communistic or equalising theories must have a spiritual
basis, and that spiritual basis is in the Vedanta only. I
have been told by several leaders who used to attend my
lectures, that they required the Vedanta as the basis of
the new order of things.

Many times, I was near being mobbed in America
and England, only on account of my dress. But, I never
heard of such a thing in India as a man being mobbed
because of peculiar dress.

225

I have experienced even in my insignificant life that
good motives, sincerity and infinite love can conquer the
world.

I cannot but believe that there is somewhere a great
Power that thinks of Herself as feminine, and is called
Kali, and Mother.*-and I believe in Brahman, too...

The older I grow, the more everything seems to me
to lie in manliness. This is my new gospel.

I have been asked many times : “Why do you laugh
so much and make so many jokes?” I become serious
sometimes, when I have stomach-ache ! The Lord is all
blissfulness. He is the reality behind all that exists;
He is the Goodness, the Truth in everything. You are
His incarnations. That is what is glorious. The nearer
you are to Him, the less you will have occasion to cry or
weep. The farther we are from Him, the more will long
faces appear. The more we know of Him, the more
misery vanishes. If one who lives in the Lord becomes
miserable, what is the use of living in Him? What is the
use of such a God ?

Weep and pray to God. “ O. God, reveal thyself to me.
Keep my mind away from lust and gold." And dive deep.
Can a man find pearls by floating or swimming on the surface.

SRI RAMAKRISHNA.

Then only will India awake, when hundreds of large hearted
men and women, giving up all desires of enjoying the
luxurious life, will long and exert themselves to their ut¬
most for the well-being of the millions of their countrymen.

SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

226

CHAPTER VII

RETURN TO INDIA AND FOUNDING
THE RAMAKRISHNA MISSION

Westminster: 11-11-96 -1 shall most probably start
(for India) on the 16th of December, or may be a day
or two later. I go from here to Italy, and after seeing a
few places there, join the steamer (North German Lloyd
S.S. Prinz Regent Luitpold) at Naples.

The first edition of Raja-Yoga is sold out and a
second is in the press.

London : 20-11-96 - My present plan of work is to
start two centres, one in Calcutta and the other in
Madras, in which to train up young preachers. My
interests are international and not Indian alone.

21-11-96-1 reach Madras about the 7th of Jan.
I have three English friends with me. Two of them,
Mr. and Mrs. Sevier, are going to settle in Almora. They
are my disciples, and they are going to build the Math
for me in the Himalayas.

3-12-96 - I am to start for India on the 16th with
Captain and Mrs. Sevier and Mr. Goodwin. The Seviers
and myself take steamer at Naples. And as there will be
four days at Rome, I will look in to say good-bye to
Alberta.

Things are in a “Hum” here just now; the big hall for
the class at 39, Victoria, is full and yet more are coming.

Well, the good old country now calls me; I must go.
So good-bye to all projects of visiting Russia this April.

227

I just set things going a little in India, and am off

again for the ever beautiful U.S. and England etc.

The coming of Goodwin was very opportune as it
captured the lectures here which are being published in
a periodical form. Already there have been subscribers
enough to cover the expenses.

Three lectures, next week, and my London work is
finished for this season. Of course, everybody here thinks
it foolish to give up just when the "boom” is on, but
the Dear Lord says, "Start for old India,” and I obey.

Florence : 20-12-96 - I am on my way (to India).

Damper : 3-1-97 ~ We are nearing Port Said after
four days of frightfully bad sailing from Naples.

The ship is rolling as hard as she can.

From Suez begins Asia. Once more Asia. What am
I ? Asiatic, European or American? I feel a curious medley
of personalities in me.

I land in a few days at Colombo and mean to “do”
Ceylon a bit...

I enjoyed Rome more than anything in the West, and
after seeing Pompeii, I have lost all regard for the so-

called "modern civilisation”.I was mistaken- when I

told that sculpturing of the human figure was not devel¬
oped in India as among the Greeks.

I had a curious dream on my return voyage from
England. While our ship was passing through the Med¬
iterranean Sea, in my sleep, a very old and venerable
looking person, Rishi-like in appearance, stood before me
and said, "Do ye come and effect our restoration. I am

228

one of that ancient order of Theraputtas which had its
origin in the teachings of the Indian Rishis. The truths
and ideals preached by us have been given out by Chris¬
tians as taught by Jesus; but for the matter of that, there
was no such personality by the name of Jesus ever born.
Various evidences testifying to this fact will be brought
to light by excavating here”. “By excavating which place
can those proofs and relics you speak of be found?” I
asked. The hoary-headed one, pointing to a locality in
the vicinity of Turkey, said, “See here.” Immediately
after I woke up, and at once rushed to the upper deck
and asked the captain, “What neighbourhood is the ship
in just now ?” “Look yonder,” the captain replied, “there
is Turkey and the Island of Crete.”

I was asked by an English friend on the eve of my
departure, "Swami, how do you like your motherland
after four years’ experience of the luxrious, glorious,
powerful West ?” I could only answer, “India I loved
before I came away, now the very dust of India has
become holy to me, the very air is now holy, it is now
the holy land, the place of pilgrimage, the Tirtha."

Pamban : 1897 - It is impossible for me to express
my gratitude to H. H. the Rajah of Ramnad for his love
towards me. If any good work has been done by me
and through me, India owes much to this good man, for
it was he who conceived the idea of my going to Chica¬
go, and it was he who put that idea into my head and
persistently urged me on to accomplish it.

Ramnad: 30-1-97 - Things are turning out most
curiously for me. From Colombo in Ceylon, where I

229

landed, to Ramnad, the nearly southernmost point of the
Indian Continent where I am just now as the guest of the
Rajah of Ramnad, my journey has been a huge procession,
crowds of people, illuminations, addresses etc. etc. A
monument forty feet high is being built on the spot
where I landed. The Rajah of Ramnad has presented
his address to “His Most Holiness” in a huge casket of
solid gold beautifully worked. Madras and Calcutta are
on the tiptoe of expectation as if the whole nation is
rising to honour me.I am on the very height of des¬

tiny. Yet, the mind turns to quietness and peace.

I wrote a letter to my people from London to receive
Dr. Barrows kindly. They accorded him a big reception,
but it was not my fault that he could not make any
impression there. Calcutta people are a hard-headed
lot! Now Barrows thinks a world of me, I hear! Such
is the world.

When I returned to India after a visit to the West,
several orthodox Hindus raised a howl against my associa¬
tion with the Western people and my breaking the rules
of orthodoxy. They did not like me to teach the truths
of the Vedas to the people of the West.

Madrasi 1897 - There have been certain circum¬
stances growing around me, tending to thwart me, oppose
my progress and crush me out of existence, if they could.
Thank God, they have failed, as such attempts will
always fail. But there has been for the last three years
a certain amount of misunderstanding, and so long as I
was in foreign lands, I held my peace and did not even
speak one word; but now, standing upon the soil of my
motherland, I want to give a few words of explanation.

230

Not that I care what the result will be of these words...
not that I care what feeling I shall evoke by these words:
I care very little, for I am the same Sannyasin that enter¬
ed this city (Madras) about four years ago with his staff
and Kamandalu ; the same broad world is before me.

Now I come to the reform societies in Madras. Some
of these societies, I am afraid, try to intimidate me to
join them. That is a strange thing for them to attempt.
A man who has met starvation face to face for fourteen
years of his life, who has not known where he will get a
meal the next day and where to sleep, cannot be intimi¬
dated so easily. A man almost without clothes, who
dared to live where the thermometer registered thirty
degrees below zero, without knowing where the next
meal was to come from, cannot be so easily intimidated,
in India. This is the first thing I will tell them, I have a
little will of my own. I have my little experience, too,
and I have a message for the world which I will deliver
without fear and without care for the future. To the
reformers I will point out that I am a greater reformer
than any of them. They want to reform only little bits.
I want root and branch reform. That is my position.

Madras: 12-2-97 - I am to start by S. S. Mombasa
next Sunday for Calcutta. I had to give up invitations
from Poona and other places on account of bad health.
I am very much pulled down by hard work and heat.

I did not go to America for the Parliament of Reli¬
gions, but this demon of a feeling (for the people of India)
was in me and within my soul. I travelled twelve years
all over India, finding no way to work for my countrymen;

231

that is why I went to America. Who cared about the
Parliament of Religions? Here was my own flesh and
blood sinking every day, and who cared for them? This
was my first step.

Alam Bazar Math : 25-2-97 - I have not a moment
to die, as they say, what with processions and tom-tomings
and various other methods of reception all over the
country. I am almost dead. As soon as the birthday
celebration (of Sri Ramakrishna) is over I will fly off to
the hills. I do not know whether I would live even six
months more or not unless I have some rest.

I wished rather that a great enthusiasm should be
stirred up. Don’t you see, without some such things how
would the people be drawn towards Sri Ramakrishna and
be fired in his name? Was this ovation done for me
personally, or was not his name glorified by this ? See,
how much thirst has been created in the minds of men to
know about him 1 Now they will come to know of him
gradually; and will not that be conducive to the good of
the country? If the people do not know him, who
came for the welfare of the country, how can good
befall them? When they know what he really was, then
men, real men, will be made...So I say that I rather
desired that there should be some bustle and stir in Cal¬
cutta, so that the public might be inclined to believe in
the mission of Sri Ramakrishna. Otherwise what was the
use of making so much fuss for my sake ? Have I become
any greater now?...I am the same now as I was before.

Darjeeling: 20-4-97-My illness is now much less—
it may even be cured completely, if the Lord wills.

232

This Darjeeling is a beautiful spot with a view of the
glorious Kanchanjanga (27,579 ft.) now and then, when
the clouds permit it, and from a near hilltop one can
catch a glimpse of Gouri Shankar (29,002 ft.) now and
then. Then the people here too are so picturesque, the
Tibetans and Nepalese, and above all, the beautiful Lep-
cha women. One Colston Turnbull of Chicago was here
a few weeks before I reached India. He seems to have
had a great liking for me, with the result that Hindu
people all liked him very much.

28-4-97 - The whole country here rose like one man
to receive me. Hundreds of thousands of persons, shout¬
ing and cheering at every place, Rajahs drawing my
carriage, arches all over the streets of the capitals with
blazing mottos etc., etc.l But, unfortunately, I was
already exhausted by hard work in England and this
tremendous exertion in the heat of southern India pros¬
trated me completely. I had, of course, to give up the
idea of visiting other parts of India and fly up to the
(nearest) hill station, Darjeeling. Now I feel much
better.

I have just another chance of coming over to Europe.
Raja Ajit Sinha and several other Rajas start next
Saturday for England. Of course, they wanted hard to
get me to go over with them. But, unfortunately, the
doctors would not hear of my undertaking any physical
or mental labour just now. So with the greatest chagrin,
I had to give it up, reserving it for a near future.

My hair is turning grey in bundles and my face is
getting wrinkles all over; that losing of flesh has given

233

me twenty years of age more. And now I am losing
flesh rapidly, because I am made to live upon meat and
meat alone; no bread, no rice, no potatoes, not even a
lump of sugar'in my coffee !

Baghbazar, Cal. (May - 97) - The conviction has
grown in my mind, after all my travels in various lands,
that no great cause can succeed without an organisation.

Let this association be named after him in whose
name, indeed, we have embraced the monastic life, and
within twenty years of whose passing away a wonderful
diffusion of his holy name and extraordinary life has
taken place both in the East and the West.

This is on Sri Ramakrishna’s lines. He had an
infinite breadth of feeling. I will break down the limits
and scatter broadcast over the earth his boundless inspi¬
ration. We have been blessed with obtaining refuge at
the feet of the Master, and we are born to carry his
message to the world.

Calcutta : May 5, 97 - I have been to Darjeeling
for a month to recuperate my shattered health. I am
very much better now. The disease disappeared alto¬
gether in Darjeeling. I am going tomorrow to Almora,
another hill station, to perfect this improvement.

Things are looking not very hopeful here, though
the whole nation has risen as one man to honour me and
people went almost mad over me l The price of the land
has gone very much high near Calcutta. My idea at
present is to start three centres at three Capitals. These
would be my normal schools, from thence I want to
invade India.

234

India is already Ramakrishna’s, whether I live a few
years more or not; and for a purified Hinduism, I have
organised my work here a bit.

I had a very kind letter from Prof. James in which
he points out my remarks about degraded Buddhism.

I am perfectly convinced that what they call modern
Hinduism with all its ugliness is only stranded Buddhism.
As for the ancient form which the Buddha preached, I
have the greatest respect for it, as well as for His person.
We Hindus worship Him as an Incarnation. Nor is the
Buddhism of Ceylon any good. My visit to Ceylon has
entirely disillusioned me. The real Buddhism I once
thought of, would yet do much good. But I have given
up the idea entirely, and I clearly see the reason why
Buddhism was driven out of India.

I was one man in America and am another here (in
India). Here the whole nation is looking upon me as
their authority, there I was a much reviled preacher.
Here, princes draw my carriage; there I would not be
admitted to a decent hotel. My utterances here, there¬
fore, must be for the good of the race, my people,
however unpleasent they might appear to a few.

I was glad to see that there was yet a liberality of
view at Kalighat. The temple authorities did not object
in the least ro my entering in the temple, though they
knew that I was a man who had returned from the West.
On the contrary, they very cordially took me into the
holy precincts and helped me to worship the Mother to
my heart’s content.

235

There are moments when one feels entirely despon¬
dent, no doubt,—especially when one has worked towards
an ideal, during a whole life time, and just when there is
a bit of hope of seeing it partially accomplished, there
comes a tremendous thwarting blow. I do not care for
tbe disease but what depresses me is that my ideals have
not had yet the least opportunity of being worked out.
And you know the difficulty is money.

The Hindus are making processions and all that, but
they cannot give money. The only help I got in the

world was in England, from Miss S., and Mr. S. I

thought then that a thousand pounds^sufrTcient to start
at least the principal centre in Calcutta, ten or twelve
years ago. Since then the prices have gone up three or
four times.

The work has been started anyhow. A rickety old
little house has been rented for six or seven shillings,
where about twenty-four young men are being trained.
I had to go to Darjeeling for a month to recover my
health, and I am very much better—without taking any
medicine, only by the exercise of mental healing. I am
going again to another hill-station tomorrow, as it is
very hot in the plains ... The London work is not doing
well at all, I hear. And that was the main reason why
I would not go to England, just now, although some of
our Rajas going for the Jubilee tried their best to get me
with them, as I would have to work hard again to revive
the interest in Vedanta. And that would mean a good
deal more trouble physically.

I may go over for a month or so very soon, however.

236

Only if I could sec my work started here, how gladly and
freely would I travel about!

Mr. and Mrs. Hammond wrote two very kind and
nice letters, and Mr. Hammond, a beautiful poem in the
Brahmavadin: although I did not deserve it a bit.

Almora : 20-5-97 - Even now money is floating on
the waters, as it were... but it will surely come. When
it comes, buildings, land and a permanent fund — every
thing will come all right. But one can never rest assured
until the chickens are hatched; and I am not now going
down to the hot plains within two or three months.
After that I shall make a tour and shall certainly secure
some money.

On account of the great heat in Almora, I am now
in an excellent garden twenty miles from there. This
place is comparatively cooler but still warm. The heat
does not seem to be particularly less than that of
Calcutta...

The feverishness is all gone. I am trying to go to a
still cooler place. Heat or the fatigue of walking, I find,
at once produces trouble of the liver. The air here is so
dry that there is a burning sensation in the nose all the
time, and the tongue becomes, as it were, a chip of wood.

I am very well here, for life in the plains has become
a torture. I cannot put the tip of my nose out in the
streets, for there is a curious crowd! Fame is not all
milk and honey 1! I am going to train a big beard, now it
is grey. It gives a venerable appearance.

To meet the expenses of my reception, the people
of Calcutta made me deliver a lecture, and sold tickets I

237

Almora : 29-5-97 - I began to take a lot of exercise

on horse-back, both morning and evening.I really

began to feel that it was a pleasure to have a body.

Almora: 2-6-97- I have been very, very bad
indeed; I am now recovering a bit,—I hope to recover
very soon...

I am afraid the work in London is going to pieces.

I am living in a beautiful garden belonging to a mer¬
chant of Almora, a garden abutting several miles of
mountains and forests. Night before last a leopard came
here and took away a goat from the flock kept in this
garden. It was a frightful din the servants made and the
barking of the big Tibet watchdogs. These dogs are kept
chained at a distance all night since I am here, so that
they may not disturb my sleep with their deep barks.
The leopard thus found his opportunity and got a decent
meal, perhaps, after weeks. May it do much good to him!

Miss Muller has come here for a few days and was
rather frightened when she heard of the leopard incident.

Before me, reflecting the afternoon’s glow, stand
long, long lines of huge snow peaks. They are about 20
miles as the crow flies from here, and forty through the
circuitous mountain roads.

Almora : 2-6-97 - Sleep, eat and exercise-exercise,
eat and sleep—that is what I am going to do some months
yet! Mr. Goodwin is with me in his Indian clothes. I
am very soon going to shave feis his head and make a full¬
blown monk of him.

10-6-97 - I am at present in excellent health.

238

20-6-97 - I have not had any news of the work (in
London) for so long. I do not expect any help from
India, in spite of all the jubilation over me. They are
so poor L

But I have started work in the fashion in which I
myself was trained—that is to say, under the trees, and
keeping the body and soul together, anyhow. The plan
has also changed a little. I have sent some of my boys
to work in the famine district. It has acted like a miracle,
I think, as I always thought—it is through the heart and
that alone, that the world can be reached.

A number of boys are already in training, but the
recent earthquake has destroyed the poor shelter we had
to work in, which was only rented, anyway. Never mind.
The work must be done without shelter, and under
difficulties -• As yet it is shaven heads, rags and casual
meals. This must change, however, and will, for are we
not working for it, head and heart ?... One of my boys
in training has been an executive engineer, in charge of
a district. That means a very big position here (in
India ). He gave it up like a straw !

20-6-97 -1 am all right now. Yesterday, I came to
Almora and shall not go any more to the garden.
Henceforth, I am Miss Muller’s guest.

30-6-97 -1 am leaving this place next Monday.
Here I gave a lecture to an European audience in English,
and another to the Indian residents in Hindi. This was
my maiden speech in Hindi but everyone liked it for all
that... Next Saturday, there will be another lecture for
the Europeans.

239

Monday next, trip to Bareilly, then to Saharanpur,
next to Ambala thence most probably to Mussoorie with
Capt. Sevier, and as soon as it is a little cool, return to
the plains, and journey to Rajputana, etc.

4-7-97 - Although I am still in the Himalayas and
shall be here for at least a month more, I started the
work in Calcutta before I came, and they write progress
every week.

Just now I am very busy with the famine, and except
for training a number of young men for future work,
have not been able to put more energy into the teaching
work. The ‘'feeding work” is absorbing all my energy
and means. Although we can work only on a very small
scale as yet, the effect is marvellous. For the first time
since the days of Buddha, Brahmin boys are found
nursing by the bed-side of cholera-stricken pariahs.

In India, lectures and teaching cannot do any good.
What we want is Dynamic Religion. And that “God
willing,” as the Mohammedans say, I am determined to
show.

Almora : 9-7-97 - I had arranged to go with A to
England, but the doctors not allowing, it fell through.

I have also a lot of cuttings from different American
papers, fearfully criticising my utterances about American
women, and furnishing me with the strange news that
I had been outcast! as if I had any caste to lose, being
a Sannyasin !

Not only no caste has been lost, but it has consider¬
ably shattered the opposition to sea-voyage—my going
to the West...A leading Raja of the caste to which I

240

belonged before my entering the Order got up a banquet
in my honour, at which were present most of the big bugs
of that caste... These feet have been washed and wiped
and worshipped by the descendants of Kings, and there
has been a progress through the country which none
ever commanded in India.

It will suffice to say that the police were necessary
to keep order if I ventured out into the street! That is
outcasting indeed!

I never planned anything. I have taken things as
they came; only one idea was burning in my brain; to
start the machine for elevating the Indian masses—and
that I have succeeded in doing to a certain extent. My
boys are working in the midst of famine and disease and
misery—nursing by the mat-bed of the cholera-stricken
pariah and feeding the starving Chandala. He is with
me, the Beloved, He was when I was in America, in
England, when I was roaming about unknown from place
to place in India. What do I care about what they talk—
the babies, they do not know any better.

What! I who have realised the spirit and the vanity
of all earthly nonsense, to be swerved from my path by
babies’ prattle! Do I look like that ?

I had to talk a lot about myself...I feel my task is
done—at most three or four years more of life are left.
I have lost all wish for my salvation. I never wanted
earthly enjoyments, I must see my machine in strong
working order, and then knowing sure that I have put in
a lever for the good of humanity, in India at least, which
no power can drive back, i will sleep, without caring

241

what will be next; and may I be born again and again,
and suffer thousands of miseries so that I may worship
the only God that exists, the only God I believe in, the
sum total of all souls,—and above all, my God the wicked,
my God the miserable, my God the poor of all races, of
all species, is the special object of my worship.

My time is short. I have to unbreast whatever I
have to say, without caring if it smarts some or irritates
others; do not be frightened at whatever drops from my
lips, for the Power behind me is not Vivekananda but He,
the Lord, and He knows best.

If I have to please the world, that will be injuring
the world... Every new thought must create opposition—
in the civilised a polite sneer, in the vulgar savage howls
and filthy scandals.

Almora : 10-7-97 - I am very busy, from here direct¬
ing the work of my boys in some of the famine districts...

I had a mind to go to Tibet this year, but they would
not allow me, as the road is dreadfully fatiguing.
However, I content myself with galloping hard over pre-
cipieces on mountain ponies.

Goodwin has gone to work in Madras on a paper,
Prabuddha Bharata, to be started there soon.

Almora: 13-7-97 - Today, my health is a little bad
owing to this riding on horseback at break-neck speed in
the sun. I took Sashi's medicine for two weeks; I find no
special benefit. The pain in the liver is gone, and owing
to plenty of exercise my hands and legs have become mus¬
cular, but the abdomen is di^ending very much.

242

I feel suffocated while getting up or sitting down.
Perhaps, this is due to the taking of milk. Previously, I
suffered from two attacks of sunstroke. From that time,
my eyes become red if I expose myself to the sun, and the
health continues to be bad for two or three days at a
stretch.

Almora : 25-7-97 - I am having a good deal of
riding and exercise but I had to drink a lot of skimmed
milk per prescription of the doctors, with the result that
I am more to the front than back I I am always a forward
man though, but do not want to be too prominent just
now, and I have given up drinking milk...Miss Margaret
Noble of Wimbledon is working hard for me.

I am glad to find that I am aging fast, my hair is turn¬
ing grey. "Silver threads among the gold"—I mean black
—are coming in fast.

It is bad for a preacher to be young, I think, as I did
all my life. People have more confidence in an old man,
and it looks more venerable...The world has its code of
judgement which, alas, is very different from truth’s.

Madam Halboister has been helped by Vedanta and
Yoga. I am unfourtunately sometimes like the circus
clown who makes others laugh, himself miserable f

Our difficulty in life is that we are guided by the
present and not by the future. What gives us a little
pleasure now drags us on to follow it; with the result that
we always buy a mass of pain in the future for a little
pleasure in the present.

The greatest misery in my life has been my own peo-
ple-my brothers and sisters and mother, etc. Relatives

Sarada Devi - The Hclv Mother (1853-1920)

243

are like deadly clogs to one’s progress and is it not a
wonder that people will still go on to find new ones by
marriage!!!

He who is alone is happy. Do good to all, like every¬
one, but do not love anyone. It is a bondage, and bondage
brings only misery. Live alone in your mind-that is
happiness. To have nobody to care for and never mind¬
ing who cares for you is the way to be free.

I am more a woman than a man... I am always
dragging others’ pain into me—for nothing, without being
able to do any good to anybody just as women, if they
have no children; bestow all their love upon a cat!!!

Do you think this has any spirituality in it? Non¬
sense, it is all material, nervous bondage—that is what
it is. O, to get rid of the thraldom of the flesh!!

Sturdy’s thermometer is now below zero, it seems.
He seems to be greatly disappointed with my non-arrival
in England this summer; what could I do?

We have started two Maths, one in Calcutta, the
other in Madras. The Calcutta Math (a wretched rented
house) was awfully shaken in the late earthquake.

Almora : 25-7-97 - In a few days I am going down
to the plains and from thence go to the western parts of
the mountains. When it is cooler in the plains, I will
make a lecture tour all over and see what work can be
done.

29-7-97 - I am leaving this place the day after
tomorrow — whether for Mussporie hills or somewhere
else I shall decide later. /

244

Yesterday, I delivered a lecture in the circle of the
local English people, and all were highly pleased with it.
But, I was very much pleased with the lecture in Hindi
that I delivered the previous day; I did not know before
that I could be oratorical in Hindi.

Ambala : 19-8-97 - I am now going to the hills at
Dharamsala. I intend to start work in the Punjab after
a few days’ more rest in the Punjab hills. The Punjab
and Rajputana are indeed fields for work.

My health was very bad recently. Now I am very
slowly recovering. It will be alright if I stay in the hills
for some more days.

Amritsar : 2-9-97 - Today, I am leaving by the 2
0’ Clock tram with all my party for Kashmir. The recent
stay at Dharamsala hills has improved my health much, and

the tonsilitis, fever, etc. have completely disappeared.

Niranjan, Latu, Krishna Lai, Dinanath, Gupta and
Achyut are all going to Kashmir with me.

Srinagar (Kashmir): 13-9-97 - Now Kashmir.
There is no place so beautiful as this; and the people
also are fair and good-looking, though their eyes are not
beautiful. But, I have also never seen elsewhere villages
and towns so horribly dirty. In Srinagar, I am now
putting up at the house of Rishibar Babu. He is very
hospitable and kind. In a few days, I shall go out
somewhere else on excursions; but, while returning, I
shall come by way of Srinagar...As soon as we come
down to the plains (Ambala) from Kashmir, I shall go to
Lahore.

245

Since reaching Dharmasala, I have been all right.
I like the cold places; there the body keeps well. I have
a desire either to visit a few places in Kashmir and then
choose an excellent site and live a quiet life there, or to
go on floating on the water. I shall do what the doctor
advises. The Raja is not here now. His brother, one
just next to him in age, is the Commander-in-Chief.
Efforts are being made to arrange a lecture under his
chairmanship. If the meeting for the lecture is held in a
day or two, I shall stay back, otherwise, I go out again on
my travels. Sevier is still in Murree. His health is very
bad, going about in jolting tongas and jatkas. In October
I shall go down from here and shall deliver a few lectures
in the Punjab. After that, I may go via Sind to Cutch,
Bhuj and Kathiawar-even down to Poona if circumstances
are favourable; otherwise, I go to Rajputana via Baroda.
From Rajputana, I go to the North-Western Province,
then Nepal, and finally Calcutta-this is my present
programme. Everything, however, is in God’s hands.

Srinagar (Kashmir): 15-9-97 - Kashmir is the one
land fit for Yogis, to my mind. But the land is now
inhabited by a race which, though possessing great
physical beauty, is extremely dirty. I am going to travel
by water for a month, seeing the sights and getting
strong. But the city is very malarious just now, and
Sadananda and Kriisfeepaftiave got fever. Sadananda is
all right today, but Krisfe^Aias fever yet. The doctor
came today and gave him a purgative. He will be all
right by tomorrow, we hope; and we start also tomorrow.
The State has lent me one of its barges and it is fine and
quite comfortable. They have also sent orders to the

246

Tahsildars of different districts. The people here are
crowding in bands to see us and are doing everyting they
can to make us comfortable. ^

After a month, I go back to the Punjab. I have
travelled far and wide, but I have never seen such a
country.

Srinagar 30-9-97 - I am leaving for the Punjab in
in two or three days. Of the party, only Gupta and
Achyut will accompany me.

As my health is now much better, I have decided to
tour again in the same way as before. The people of our
country have not yet offered me even as much as a pice
for my travelling expenses. It is also a matter of shame
to have to draw upon only the English disciples.

A monk from Ceylon, P. C. Jinawar Vamar by name,
has written to me among other things that he wants to
visit India. Perhaps, he is the same monk who comes of
the Siamese royal family. His address is Wellawatta,
Ceylon. He believes in the Vedanta.

Srinagar : 1-10-97 - I shall not try to describe
Kashmir. Suffice it to say, I never felt sorry to leave
any country except this paradise on earth; and I am trying
my best, if I can, to influence the Raja to start a centre;
so much to do here, and the material so hopeful.

Kashmir is a veritable heaven on earth. Nowhere
else in the world is such a country as this. Mountains
and rivers, trees and plants, men and women, beast and
and birds—all vie with one another for excellence.

Since visiting Amarnath I feel as if Shiva is sitting on
my head for twentyfour hours and would not come down.

247

I underwent great religious austerities at Amarnath
and then in the temple of Kshir-Bhavani.

On the way to Amarnath, I made a very steep ascent
on the mountain. Pilgrims do not generally travel by
that path. But the determination came upon me that I
must go by that path, and so I did. The labour of the
strenuous ascent told on my body.

I entered the cave with only my kaupin (loin cloth)
on and my body smeared with holy ash; I did not then
feel any cold or heat. But when I came out of the
temple, I was benumbed with cold.

I saw three or four white pigeons; whether they live
in the cave or the neighbouring hills, I could not ascertain.

I have heard that the sight of the pigeons brings to
fruition whatever desires you may have.

Since hearing that Divine Voice (in!the Kshir Bhavani
temple), I cherish no more plans. The idea of building
Maths, etc. I have given up; as Mother wills so will it be.

Whether it be internal or external, if you actually

hear with your ears such a disembodied voice, as I have

done, can you deny it and call it false ? Divine Voices

are actually heard, just as you and I are talking.

Swami Vivekananda stayed in the Kshir Bhavani Devi temple for seven
days and daily worshipped the Devi with offerings of Kshir (thickened
milk) besides making Homa. One day, while worshipping, the thought
arose in Sivamiji’s mind, ‘‘Mother Bhavani has been manifesting Her
presence here for untold years. The Mohammedans came and destroyed
the temple, yet the people of the place did nothing to protect Her. Alas, if
I were then living, I could never have borne it silently.” When thinking
in this strain his mind was oppressed with sorrow and anguish, he
distinctly heard the voice of the Mother saying: “What even if unbelie¬
vers should enter My temples, and decile My images ! what is that to you ?
Do you protect Me? Or do I protect you ?' '

248

97 - Reached Murree from Kashmir in the evening
of the day before yesterday.

Murree : 10-10-97 - I am soon going to Rawalpindi
tomorrow or the day after; then, I visit Lahore and other
places via Jammu, and return to Rajputana via Karachi.
I am doing well.

Murree: 11-10-97 -1 feel I have been working as if
under an irresistible impulse for the last ten days, beginn-
ing from Kashmir. It n^y be either a physical or a mental
disease. Now I have come to the conclusion that I am

unfit for further work.Whatever of Mother’s work

was to be accomplished through me, She made me do it,
and has flung me aside breaking down my body and
mind. Her will be done!

Now I retire from all work. In a day or two I shall
give up every thing and wander about alone: I shall spend
the rest of my life quietly in some place or other...I have
all along been like a hero, I want my work to be quick like
lightning and firm as adamant. Similarly, shall I die also
...I have never retreated in a fight...There is success and
failure in every work. But I am inclined to believe that
one who is a coward will after death be born as an insect
or a worm: there is no salvation for a coward even after
millions of years of penance. Well, shall I after all be

born as a worm?.In my eyes this world is a mere play,

and it will always remain as such...I am a man of action...
When I fight, I fight with girded loins—that much I fully
understand; and I also understand that man, that hero,
that God who says, “Don’t care, be fearless, brave one,
here I am by your side.’’ To such a Man-God, I offer

249

a million salutations. Their presence purifies the world;
they are the saviours of the world. And the others who
always wail, “Oh, don’t go forward, there is this danger,
there is that danger,”—those dyspeptics—they always
tremble with fear. But through the grace of the Divine
Mother, my mind is so strong that even the most terrible
dyspepsia shall not make me a coward—I am the child of
the Divine Mother, the source of all power and strength.
To me, cringing, fawning, whining, degrading inertia and
hell are one and the same thing.

Jammu : 3-11-97 - I am going to write to Sturdy
from Lahore, for which I start tomorrow. I have been
here for 15 days to get some land in Kashmir from the
Maharaja. I intend to come to Kashmir again next
summer if I am here, and start some work.

Lahore : 11-11-97 - The lecture at Lahore is over
somehow. I shall start for Dehra-Dun in a day or two.

I have now postponed my tour to Sind.because of

various obstacles.

Probably, I shall leave Sadananda and Sudhir here
after establishing a Society...Now no more lecturing—I
go in a hurry straight to Rajaputana... Without regular
exercise, the body does not keep fit; talking, talking all
the time brings illness...

Lahore : 15-11-97 - In spite of my earnest wishes, I
do not find it feasible to go to Karachi this time- -Owing
to my kidney trouble, I cannot count upon a long life.

It is one of my desires to start a Math in Calcutta,
towards which as yet, I could do nothing. The people of

250

my country have withheld the little help they used to
give to our Math of late. They have got a notion that I
have brought plenty of money from England \ It is impos¬
sible to celebrate Sri Ramakrishna’s Festival this year,
for the proprietors of Rasmani’s gardens would not let
me go there as I am returned from the west! For these
reasons I postpone my tour to Sind.

15-11-97 - My health is good; only I have to get up
at night once or twice. I am having sound sleep; sleep is
not spoiled even after exhausting lectures; and I am doing
exercise everyday...

I start for Dehra-Dun this very day.

Dehra Dun : 24-11-97 - I am doing well now.

I have been suffering for a long time from some pain
at the back of my neck... The day after tomorrow I am
leaving for Saharanpur, from there to Rajputana.

Delhi: 8-12-97 -We shall start for Khetri tomorrow.
Gradually the luggage has greatly increased. After
Khetri, I intend to send everybody to the Math (Belur).

Recently, I met at Dehra Dun the Udasi Sadhu,
Kalyan Dev, and few others, I hear the people at Hrishi-
kesh are very eager to see me, and are asking again and
again about me.

Khetri: 14-12-97 - I have today sent the power of
attorney with my signature...A Raja of a place in Bundel-
khand named Chatrapur has invited me. I shall visit the
place on my way to the Math. The Raja of Limbdi, too,
is writing earnestly. I cannot avoid going there also,
I shall make a lightning tour of Kathiawar—that is what
it will come to...

251

Jaipur : 27-12-97 - I am not very well, but am
going to Calcutta in a few days and will be all right.

Belur Math : 25-2-98 - My health has not been
all right of late; at present, it is much better. Calcutta is
unusually cool just now, and the American friends who
are here are enjoying it ever so much. Today we take
possession of the land we have bought and though it is
not practicable to have the Mahotsav (of Sri Rama-
krishna) on it just now, I must have something on it on
Sunday. Anyhow, Sriji’s relics must b« taken to our
place for the day and worshipped...Every cent I had
I have made over to Raja (Brahmananda) as they all
say I am a spendthrift, and are afraid to keep money

with me.We have once more started the dancing

business (Swamiji humorously alludes to the good old
days with Sri Ramakrishna, in whose inspired company
he and his brother-disciples used to sing and dance in
ecstatic joy) here, Hari, Sarada and my own good self in a
waltz. How we keep balance at all is a wonder to mel...

Sarat is hard at work as usual. We have got some
good furniture now, and a big jump from the old chatai
(mat) in the old Math to nice tables and chairs and three
cots (Khats)...I am going to America again with Mrs.
Bull in a few months-

So, the Math here is a fait accompli and I am going
over to get more help.

Belur Math : 25-2-98 - A friend to whom I owe
much is here, presumably to take me to his place in
Darjeeling. There are some American friends and every

252

spare moment is occupied in working for the new Math
and several organisations therein, and I expect to leave
India next month for America.

2-3-98 - I am working hard to set things all right
so that the machine may move forward when I am off
the stage. Death I conquered long ago when I gave
up life. My only anxiety is the work and even that to
the Lord I dedicate and He knows best.

Belur Math : 2-3-98 - It was in southern India,
when I came from London and when the people were
feteing and feasting and pumping all the work out of me
that an old hereditary disease made its appearance**.
The disease will take two or three years at worst to
carry me off.

Darjeeling : 23-4-98 - My health was excellent
on my return from Sandukphu (11,924 ft.) and other
places, but after returning to Darjeeling, I had first an
attack of fever, and after recovering from that I am now
suffering from cough and cold. I try to escape from this
place everyday; but they have been constantly putting it
off for a long time. However, tomorrow, Sunday, I am
leaving; after halting at Kharsana (Kurseong) for a day
I start again for Calcutta on Monday.

29-4-98 - I have had several attacks of fever, the
last being influenza. It has left me now, only I am very
weak yet. As soon as 1 gather strength enough to
undertake the journey, I come down to Calcutta.

If the plague comes to my native city, I am deter¬
mined to make myself a sacrifice; and that I am sure is

253

a “Darn sight better way to Nirvana” than pouring obla¬
tions to all that ever twinkled... I am going to start a
paper — The Udbodhana — in Calcutta.

Almora: 20-5-98 - After I reached Nainital,
Baburam went from here to Nanital on horseback against
everybody’s advice, and while returning he also accom¬
panied us on horseback. I was far behind as I was in a
dandi. When I reached the dak bungalow at night, I
heard that Baburam had again fallen from the horse and
had hurt one of his arms — though he had no fractures.
Lest I should rebuke him, he stayed in a private lodging
house. He did not meet that night. Next day, I was
making arrangements for a dandi for him, when I heard
that he had already left on foot. Since then I have not
heard of him. I have wired to one or two places, but no
news. Perhaps, he is putting up at some village. Very
well 1...

My health is much better, but the dyspepsia has not
gone, and again insomnia has set in.

The climate at Almora is excellent at this time.
Moreover, the bungalow rented by Sevier is the best in
Almora. On the opposite side Annie Besant is staying
in a small bungalow with Chakravarty. One day, I went
to see him. Annie Besant told me entreatingly that
there should be friendship between her organisation and
mine all over the world, etc. etc. Today Besant will
come here for tea. Our ladies are in a small bungalow
nearby and are quite happy. Only Miss MacLeod is a
little unwell today. Harry Sevier is becoming more and
more a Sadhu as the days pass.

254

Srinagar: 17-7-98 - My health is alright. I have
to get up seldom at night, even though I take twice a day
rice and potatoes, sugars or whatever I get. Medicine
is useless — it has no action on the system of a knower
of Brahman!

Srinagar : 1-8 98 - The Maharaja of Kashmir has
agreed to give us a plot of land. I have also visited the
site. Now the matter will be finalised in a few days, if
the Lord wills. Right now, before leaving, I hope to
build a small house here. I shall leave it in the charge
of Justice Mukherjee when departing...

Kashmir : 25-8-98 - It is a lazy life I have been
leading for the last two months, floating leisurely in a
boat, which is also my home, up and down the beautiful
Jhelum, through the most gorgeous scenery God’s world
can afford, in nature’s own park, where the earth, air,
land, grass, plants, trees, mountains, snows and the
human form all express on the outside at least, the
beauty of the Lord : with almost no possessions, scarcely
a pen or inkstand even, snatching up a meal whenever
and wherever convenient, the very ideal of a Rip Van
Winkle I

“Duty is the mid-day sun whose fierce rays are
burning the very vitals of humanity/’ It is necessary for
a time as a discipline; beyond that, it is a morbid dream.
Things go on all right whether we lend them our helping
hands or not. We in delusion only break ourselves.

Srinagar : 28-8-98 - I have been away^few days.
Now, I am going to join the ladies. The party there

255

goes to a nice quiet spot behind the hill, in a forest,
through which a murmuring stream flows, to have medi¬
tation deep and long under the deodars (trees of God)
cross-legged a la Buddha.

Lahore : 16-10-98 - I have not witnessed the Durga
Puja for the last nine years. So, I am starting for
Calcutta.

Belur : Nov . 98 - The other day, I was a guest of
Babu Priyanath Mukherjee at Baidyanath. There I had
such a spell of asthma that I felt like dying. But from
within, with every breath arose the deep-toned sound,
“I am He, I am He.” Resting on the pillow, I was
waiting for the vital breath to depart; and observing all
the time that from within was coming the sound of
“I am He, I am He ! ” I could hear along : “

sitp^r snsnfet “The Brahman, the One without a

second, alone exists, nothing manifold exists in this
world.

Calcutta : 12-11-98 - Sri Mother is going this morn¬
ing to see the new Math (Belur). I am also going there.

ijwas at the Cossipore garden that Sri Ramakrishna
said to me, “Wherever you will take me on your shoul¬
ders, there I will go and stay, be it under a tree or in a
hut.” It is, therefore, that I myself carried him on my
shoulders to the new Math grounds. Know it for certain
that Sri Ramakrishna will keep his seat fixed there for
the welfare of the many, for a long time to come...

Each devotee colours Sri Ramakrishna in the light
of his own understanding, and each forms his own ideas

256

of him from his peculiar standpoint. He was, as it were,
a great Sun, and each one of us is eyeing him, as it were
through a different kind of coloured glass, and coming
to look upon that one Sun as multicoloured...

Belur Math : 25-22-96 - The Mother is our guide
and whatever happens or will happen is under Her
ordination.

The Math : 22-4-99 - Two years of physical suffer¬
ing have taken away twenty years off my life.

Belur Math : 16-4-99 - If by the sacrifice of some
specially cherished object of either myself or my brother
disciples, many pure and genuinely patriotic souls come
forward to help our cause, we will not hesitate in the
least to make that sacrifice, nor shed a tear-drop. But
my hairs have turned grey since I began the study of
man. I have some doubts about those patriotic souls
who can join with us if only we give up the worship of
the Guru. Well, if as they pose, they are indeed panting
and struggling so much almost to the point of dissolution
from their body to serve the country, how can the single
accident of Guru-worship stop everything ! If this trifle
of Guru-worship serves as a stone to choke one to death,
we had better extricate one from this predicament.

When the mind and speech unite in earnestly asking for a
thing, that prayer is answered.

SRI RAMAKRISHNA.

257

CHAPTER VIII

THE PLAN OF WORK

I am grateful to the lands of the West for the many
warm hearts that received me with all the love that pure
and disinterested souls alone could give; but my life’s
allegiance is to this my motherland, if I had a thousand
lives, every moment of the whole series would be con-
secreted to your service, my countrymen, my friends!

For, to this land I owe whatever I possess, physical,
mental and spiritual, and if I have been successful in any¬
thing, the glory is yours, not mine. Mine alone are my
weaknesses and failures, as they come through my inablity
of profiting by the mighty lessons with which this land
surrounds one, even from one’s very birth.

I am thoroughly convinced that no individual or nation
can live by holding itself apart from the community of
others, and whenever such an attempt has been made
under false ideas of greatness, policy or holiness—the
result has always been disastrous to the seceding one.

To my mind, the one great cause of the downfall and
the degeneration of India was the building of a wall of
custom—whose foundation was hatred of others—round
the nation, and the real aim of which in ancient times
was to prevent the Hinc^ from coming in contact with the
surrounding Buddhistic nations.

A bit of public demonstration was necessary for
Guru Maharaja’s work. It is done and so far so good.

I do not believe in a God or religion which cannot
wipe the widow’s tears or bring a piece of bread to the
orphan’s mouth.

258

I believe in God and I believe in man. I believe in
helping the miserable; I believe in going to hell to save
others.

India has suffered long, the religion eternal has suf¬
fered long. But the Lord is merciful. Once more He has
come to help His children, once more the opportunity is
given to fallen India to rise. India can only rise by sitting
at the feet of Sri Ramakrishna. His life and his teachings
are to be spread far and wide, are to be made to penetrate
every pore of Hindu society.

My master used to say that these names, Hindu,
Christian, etc. stand as great bars to all brotherly feelings
between man and man. We must try to break them down
first. Well, we will have to work hard and must succeed.

That is why I desire so much to have a centre.
Organisation has its faults, no doubt, but without that
nothing can be done.

Sankaracharya had caught the rhythm of the Vedas,
the national cadence. Indeed I always imagine that he
had some vision such as mine when he was young, and
recovered the ancient music that way.

But finally the Parliament of Religions opened and
I met kind friends who helped me right along. I worked
a little, collected funds, started two papers, and so on
After that I went over to England and worked there. At
the same time, I carried on the work for India in
America, too.

My plan for India, as it has been developed and cen¬
tralised, is this; I have told you of our lives as monks
there, (in India) how we go from door to door, so that

259

religion is brought to everybody without charge, except,
perhaps, a broken piece of bread. That is why you see
the lowest of the low in India holding the most exalted
religious ideas...But ask a man, “Who are the English?”
— he does not know. "Who governs you?” “We do not
know”. "What is the Government?” They don’t know.
But they know philosophy. It is a practical want of
intellectual education about life on this earth they suffer
from. These millions and millions of people are ready
for life beyond this world—is not that enough for them?
Certainly not. They must have a better piece of bread

and a better of rag on their bodies. The. great, question
is how to get that better bread and betterfrag ^for these
sunken millions. ^

First I must tell you, there is great hope for them,
because you see, they are the gentlest people on earth,
not that they are timid. When they want to 'fight, they
fight like demons. The best soldiers the English have,
are recruited from the peasantry of India. Death is a
thing of no importance to them. Their attitude is,
"Twenty times I have died before, and I shall die many
times after this; what of that”? They never turn back.
They are not given to much emotion, but they make
very good fighters.

Their instinct, however, is to plough. If you rob
them, murder them, tax them, do anything to them, they
will be quiet and^gentle, so long as you leave them free
to practise thefe religion. They never interfere with the
religion of others. "Leave us liberty to worship our
Gods, and take everything else.” That is their attitude.
Touch them there, trouble starts. That was the real

260

0

cause of 1857 Mutiny—they would not bear religious
repression. The great Mohammedan Governments were
simply blown up because they touched India's religion.

Now there is no reason why they should suffer such
distress—the^e1 / *6h, so pure and good 1

No national civilisation is perfect, yet, give the civili¬
sation a push, and it will arrive at its own goal; don’t
strive to change it. Take away a nation’s institutions,
customs and manners, and what will be left ? They hold
the nation together.

But, here comes the very learned foreign man, and
he says, “Look here, you give up all those institutions
and customs of thousands of years, and take my tomfool
tin pot and be happy.” This is all nonsense.

We will have to help each other.

And that strikes to the heart. The people come to
know it.

Well, then, my plans are, therefore, to reach these
masses of India.

Now, you see, we have brought the plan down nicely
on paper; but I have taken it, at the same time, from the
regions of idealism. So far the plan was loose and
idealistic. Asyearswenton.it became more and more
condensed; I began to see by actual working its defects
and all that.

What did I discover in its working on the material
plane ? First, there must be centres, to educate these
monks in the method of education...In India, you will
find every man quite illiterate, and that teaching requires

261

tremendous centres. And what does all that mean ?
Money. From the idealistic plane you come to everyday
work. Well? I have worked hard fcjr^years in America,
and two in England...There are American friends and
English friends who cqme over with me to India, and
there has been a very crude beginning. Some English
people came and joined the Orders. One poor man

worked hard and died in India.I have started the

Awakened India (Prabuddha Bharat-monthly).I have

a centre in the Himalayas.I have another centre in

Calcutta.

The same work I want to do on parallel lines, for
women.

That part has to be accomplished.

My idea is to bring to the door of the meanest, the
poorest, the noble ideas that the human race has develop¬
ed both in and out of India, and let them think for
themselves. Whether there should be caste or not,
whether women should be perfectly free or not, does not
concern me.

‘ Liberty of thought and action is the only condition
of life, of growth and well-being.”

My whole ambition in life is to set in motion a
machinery which will bring noble idea to the door of
everybody and then let men and women settle their
own fate.

Look at that handful of youngmen called into exis¬
tence by the divine touch of Ramakrishna’s feet. They
have preached the message ftom Assam to Sindh, from
the Himalayas to the Cape Comorin. They have crossed

262

the Himalayas at a height of twenty-thousand feet over
snow and ice on foot, and penetrated into the mysteries
of Tibet. They have begged their bread, covered them¬
selves with rags; they have been persecuted, followed by
the police, kept in prison, and at last set free when the
government was convinced of their innocence.

A movement which half a dozen penniless boys set
on foot and which bids fair to progress in such an accele¬
rated motion—is it a humbug or the Lord’s will ?

I have been criticised from one end of the world to
the other as one who preaches the diabolical idea that
there is no sin ! Very good. The descendents of these
very men will bless me as the preacher of virtue, and not
of sin. I am the teacher of virtue, not of sin. I glory in
being the preacher of light, and not of darkness.

Travelling through many cities of Europe and observ¬
ing in them the comforts and education of even the poor
people, there was brought to my mind the state of our
own people, and I used to shed tears. What made the
difference ? Education was the answer I got.

I don’t feel tired even if I talk for two whole nights
to earnest enquirers; I can give up food and sleep and
talk and talk. Well, if I have a mind, I can sit up in
Samadhi in Himalayan cave. Why then don’t I do so ?
And why am I here ? Only the sight of the country’s
misery and the thought of its future do not let me remain
quiet any more even Samadhi and all that appear as
futile even the sphere of Braham with its enjoyments
becomes insipid 1 My vow of life is to think of others’

263

welfare. The day that vow will be fulfilled, I shall leave
this body and make a straight run up 1

Going round the whole world, I find that people of
this country ( India) are immersed in great Tamas
(inactivity), compared with people of other countries.
On the outside, there is a simulation of the Sattwa (calm
and balanced) state, but inside, down—right inertness like
that of stocks and stones. What work will be done in
the world by such people ?...So my idea is first to make
the people active by developing their Rajas, and thus
make them fit for struggle for existence. With no
strength in the body, no enthusiasm at heart, and no
originality in the brain, what will they do, these lumps of
dead matter \

By stimulating them, I want to bring life into them;
to this, I have dedicated my life. I will rouse them
through the infalliable power of Vedic mantras. I am
born to proclaim to them that fearless message "Arise,
Awake !"

Social life in the west is like a peal of laughter, but
underneath it is a wail. It ends in a sob. The fun and
frivolity are all on the surface; really, it is full of tragic
intensity. Now here (in India) it is sad and gloomy on
the outside, but underneath are carelessness and

merriment.

I have never spoken of revenge: I have always spoken
of strength.

Now my own desire is to rouse the country—the
sleeping Leviathan, that has lost faith in its power and
makes no response. If I can wake it up to a sense of the

264

Enternal Religion, then I shall know that Sri Rama-
krishna’s advent and our birth are fruitful. That is the
one desire in my heart; Mukti and all else appear of no
consequence to me,

My hope is to see again the strong points of India,
reinforced by the strong points of this age; only in a
natural way. The new state of things must be a growth
from within.

So, I preach the Upanishads. If you look, you will
find that I have never quoted anything but the Upani¬
shads. And of Upanishads it is only that one idea,
strength. The quintessence of the Vedas and Vedanta,
all lies in that one word. Budha’s teaching was non-
resistance, or non-injury. But I think this is a better

way of teaching the same thing.My own ideal is that

saint whom they killed in the Mutiny and who broke his
silence, when stabbed to the heart, to say, "And thou
also art He."

But you may ask what is the place of Ramakrishna
in this scheme ?

His is the method, that wonderful unconscious
method! He did not understand himself. He knew
nothing of England or the English, save that they were
queer folk from over the sea. But he lived that great
life and I read the meaning. Never a word of condem¬
nation for any ! Once I had been attacking one of our
sects of Diabolism. I had been raving on for three hours,
and he had listened quietly. "Well, well!" said the old
man as I finished, "Perhaps, every house may have a back
door, who knows?"

265

It is not for me to determine in what sense is Sri
Ramakrishna a part of this awakened Hinduism. I have
never preached personalities. My own life is guided by
the enthusiasm of this great soul.

Vedanta is the one light that lightens the sects and
creeds of the world, the one principle of which all reli¬
gions are only applications. And what was Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa ? The practical demonstration of this
ancient principle, the embodiment of India that is past,
and a foreshadowing of the India that is to be, the bearer
of spiritual light unto nations.

The other day when I installed Sri Ramakrishna on
the Math grounds, I felt as if his ideas shot forth from
this place and flooded the whole universe, sentient and
insentient. I, for one, am doing my best, and shall
continue to do so-* Sankara left the Advaita philosophy
in the hills and forests, while I have come to bring it out
of those places and scatter it broadcast before the work-
a-day world and society.

This Math that we are building will harmonise all
creeds, all standpoints. Just as Sri Ramakrishna held
highly liberal views, this Math too will be a centre for
propagating similar ideas. The blazing light of universal
harmony that will emanate from here will flood the
whole world.

Through the will of Sri Ramakrishna, his Dharma-
kshetra sanctified spot has been established today. A
twelve years’ anxiety is off my head.

You see only a little manifestation of what has been
done by our labours. In time the whole world must

266

accept the universal and catholic ideas of Sri Rama-
krishna and of this, only the beginning has been made.
Before this flood, everybody will be swept off.

That activity and self-reliance must come in the
people of the country in time I see it clearly. Ever since
the advent of Sri Ramakrishna, the eastern horizon has
been aglow with the dawning rays of the sun which in
course of time, will illumine the country with the splen¬
dour of the midday sun.

It is my opinion that Sri Ramakrishna was born to
vivify all branches of art and culture in this country
(India).

If but a thorn pricks the foot of one who has surren¬
dered himself to Sri Ramakrishna, it makes my bones
ache; all others I love. You will find very few men so
unsectarian as I am, but you must excuse me, I have got
that bit of bigotry. If I do not appeal to his name, whose
else shall I ? In this birth, it is that unlettered Brahmin
who has bought this body of mine for ever.

This boy born of poor Brahmin parents, is literally
worshipped in lands which have been fulminating against
heathen worship for centuries. Whose powersfcqjit ? It
is none else than the power which was manifested here
as Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. Here has been a mani¬
festation of an immense power, just the very beginning
of whose workings we are seeing; and before this genera¬
tion passes away, you will see more wonderful workings
of that power. It has come just in time for the regene¬
ration of India.

267

It seemed that we were going to change the theme
in our national life, that we were going to exchange the
backbone of our existence, as it were, that we were
trying to replace a spiritual by a political backbone. If
it all could have succeeded, the result would have been
annihilation. But it was not to be. So, this power be¬
came manifest. I do not care in what light you under¬
stand this great sage, it matters not how much respect
you pay to him, but I challenge you with the fact that
here is a manifestation of the most marvellous power
that has been for several centuries in India. Long before
ideas of universal religion and brotherly feeling between
different sects were mooted and discussed in any country
in the world, here in the sight of the city of Calcutta had
been living a man whose life was a Parliament of
Religions, as it should be.

Such a hero has been given to us in the person of
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. If this nation wants to rise,
take my word for it, it will have to rally enthusiastically
round his name.

It does not matter who preaches Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa, whether I or you or anybody else. But,
him I place before you for the good of our race, for the
good of our nation. One thing is sure that It was the
purest of all lives that you have ever seen, or, let me tell
you distinctly, that you have ever heard of. Within ten
years of his passing away, this power has encircled the
globe. Judge him not through me. I am only a weak
instrument. Let not his character be judged by seeing
me. „It was so great that if I, or any other of his disciples

268

spent hundreds of lives we could not do justice to a
millionth part of what he really was.

I, through the grace of God, had the great good
fortune of sitting at the feet of one, whose whole life was
an interpretation of the underlying harmony of the
Upanishadic texts; whose life, a thousandfold more than
whose teaching, was a living commentary on the texts of
the Upanishads, was, in fact, the spirit of Upanishads
lying in a human form. Perhaps, I have got a little of
that harmony.

Jnanam is all right but there is the danger of its
becoming dry intellectualism. Love is great and noble,
but it may die away in meaning-less sentimentalism. A
harmony of all these is the thing required. Ramakrishna
was such a harmony. Such beings are few and far
between; but keeping him and his teachings as the ideal,
we can move on.

God, though everhwhere, can be known to us in and
through human character. No character was ever so
perfect as Ramakrishna, and that would be the centre
round which we ought to rally; at the same time, allow¬
ing everybody to regard him in his own light, either as
God, Saviour, teacher, model, or great man, just as he
pleases.

My hopes of the future lies in the youths of character
— intelligent, renouncing all for the service of others,
and obedient — who can sacrifice their lives in working
my ideas and thereby do good to themselves and the
country at large... If I can get tenor twelve boys with

269

the faith of Nachiketa, I can turn the thoughts and pur¬
suits of this country in a new channel.

I once met a man in my country whom I had known
before as a very stupid, dull person, who knew nothing
and had not the desire to know anything, and was living
the life of a brute. He asked what he should do to know
God, how he was to get free. “Can you tell a lie? 1 ',
“It is better to tell a lie than to be a brute, or a log of
wood. You are inactive; you have not certainly reached
the highest state, which is beyond all actions, calm and
serene; you are too dull even to do something wicked.”
That was an extreme case of course, and I was joking
with him; but what I meant was that a man must be
active, in order to pass through activity to perfect
calmness.

Sometimes, I feel a desire to sell the Math and every¬
thing and distribute the money to the poor and destitute...
When I was in the western countries, I prayed to the
Divine Mother, “People here are sleeping on a bed of
flowers, they eat all kinds of delicacies, and what do they
not enjoy ? while people in our country are dying of star¬
vation. Mother, will there be no way for them?” One
of the objects of my going to the West to preach religion
was to see if I could find any means for feeding the people
of this country...I see as clear as daylight that there is one
Brahman in all, in them and in me,— one Shakti dwells in
all. The only difference is of manifestation... After so
much austerity, I have understood this as the real truth—
God is present in every Jiva; there is no other God
besides that; “Who serves Jiva, serves God indeed.”

270

This body is born and it will die. If I have been able
to instill a few of my ideas into you all, then I shall know
that my birth has not been in vain.

I was born for the life of a scholar—retired—quiet
—poring over my books. But the mother dispenses
otherwise, yet the tendency is there.

Today, the Americans, out of love, have given me
this nice bed and I have something to eat also. But,
I have not been destined to enjoy physically, and lying
on the matteresses only aggravates my illness, I feel
suffocated as it were. I have to come down and lie on
the floor for relief.

I do not see into the future; nor do I care to see.
But, one vision I see clear as life before me: that the
ancient Mother (India) has awakened once more, sitting
on her throne, rejuvenated, more glorious than ever.

My teaching is my own interpretation of our ancient
books, in the light which my Master shed upon them.
I claim no supernatural authority.

1899 - A very funny thing happened today. I went
to a friend's house. He has had a picture painted, the
subject of which is Sri Krishna addressing Arjuna on
the battlefield of Kurukshetra. Sri Krishna is stand¬
ing in the chariot, holding the reins in His hand, and
preaching the Gita to Arjuna. He showed me the
picture and asked me how I like it. “Fairly well, r I
said. But as he insisted on having my criticism on it,
I had to give my honest opinion by saying, “There is
nothing in it to commend itself to me; first, because
the chariot of the time of Sri Krishna was

271

not like the modern Pagoda-shaped car, and also there is
no expression in the figure of Sri Krishna. The kings
never used to fight in pagoda-chariots. There are chariots
even today in Rajputana that greatly resemble the
chariots of old.

“See the chariots in the pictures of Grecian mytho¬
logy. They have two wheels, and one mounts them from
behind; we had that sort of chariot. What good is it to
paint a picture if the details are wrong? An historical
picture comes up to a standard of excellence when, after
making proper study and research, things are portrayed
exactly as they were at that period. The truth must
be represented, otherwise the picture is nothing. To
paint a really good picture requires as much talent as to
produce a perfect drama.’'

“Sri Krishna ought to be painted as He really was, the
Gita personified; and the central idea of the Gita should
radiate from His whole form as He was teaching the
path of Dharma to Arjuna, who had been overcome by
infatuation and cowardice.” So, saying, I posed myself
in the way in which Sri Krishna should be portrayed and
continued, “Look here, thus does he hold the bridle of
the horses, with their forelegs fighting the air and their
mouths gaping. This will show a tremendous play of
action in the figure of Sri Krishna. His friend, the
world-renowned hero, casting aside his bow and arrows,
has sunk down like a coward on the chariot, in the midst
of the two armies. And Sri Krishna, whip in one hand
and tightening the reins with the other, has turned Him¬
self to Arjuna, with his childlike face beaming with

272

unwordly love and sympathy, and a calm and serene look,
and is delivering the message of the Gita to his beloved
comrade.”

“Aye, that is it; Intense action in the whole body,
and withal a face expressing the profound calmness and
serenity of the blue sky. This is the central idea of the
Gita - to be calm and steadfast in all circumstances,
with one’s body, mind and soul centred at His hallowed
Feet!”

Everyone says that the highest, the pure truth, cannot
be realised all at once by all, that men have to be led to
it gradually through worship, prayer and other kinds of
prevalent religious practices.

He who has faith has everything, and he who lacks faith
lacks everything. It is faith in the name of Lord that works
wonders, for faith is life and doubt is death.

- Sri RAMAKRISHNA.

I have experienced in my insignificant life, that good moti¬
ves, sincerity and infinite love conquer the world.

- SWAMI V1VEKANANDA.

273

CHAPTER IX

SECOND VISIT TO AMERICA
AND THE PARIS CONGRESS

June, 1899 - It took us two days to get out of the
Hooghly.

Our ship reached the sea.

There fell upon my ears the deep and sonorous music
of commingled male and female voices, singing in chorus
the British national anthem, “Rule Britannia, Britannia
rules the waves !” Startled, I looked around and found
that the ship was rolling heavily, and brother T - holding
his head with his hands, was struggling against an attack
of sea-sickness.

In the second class two Bengali youths were going to
the West for study. Their condition was worse. One of
them looked so frightened that he would have been only
too glad to scuttle straight home if he were allowed to
land. These two lads and we two were the only Indians
on the ship - the representatives of modern India !

In the night of the 24th June, our ship reached
Madras. Getting up from bed in the morning, I found that
we were within the enclosed space of the Madras harbour.
Within the harbour the water was still, but without,
towering waves were roaring, which occasionally dashing
the harbour-wall, were shooting up fifteen or twenty feet
high into the air and breaking in a mass of foam. In front
lay the well-known Strand Road of Madras. Two European

274

police inspectors, a Madrasi Jamadar and a dozen consta¬
bles boarded our ship and told me with great courtesy
that “natives” were not allowed to land on the shore, but
the Europeans were...; but the Madrasis had asked for a
special permission for me. By degrees the Madrasi friends
began to come near our vessel on boats in small groups.
As all contact was strictly forbidden, we could only speak
from the ship, keeping some space between.. I found all
my friends - Alasinga, Biligiri, Narasimhachary, Dr.
Nanjunda Row, Kidi, and others on the boats. Basketfuls
of mangoes, plantains, cocoanuts, cooked rice-and-curd,
and heaps of sweet and salt delicacies, etc. began to come
in. Gradually the crowd thickened - men, women and
children, and boats everywhere. I found also Mr. Chamier,
my English friend who had come out to Madras as a
barrister-at-law. Ramakrishnananda and Nirbhayananda
made some trips near to the ship. They insisted on stay¬
ing on the boat the whole day in the hot sun, and I had
to remonstrate with them, when they gave up the idea.

As the news of my not being permitted to land got
abroad, the crowd of boats began to increase still more.
I, too, began to feel exhaustion from leaning against the
railings too long. Then I bade farewell to my Madrasi
friends and entered my cabin. Alasinga got no opportu¬
nity to consult with me about the Brahmavadin and the
Madras work; so he was going to accompany me to
Colombo. The ship left the harbour in the evening, when
I heard a great shout, and peeping through the cabin
window, I found that about a thousand Madrasi men,
women and children who had been sitting on the harbour
walls, gave this farewell shout when the ship started.

275

It took us four days to go from Madras to Ceylon.
That rising and heaving of waves which had commenced
from the mouth of the Ganges began to increase as we
advanced, and after we had left Madras, it increased still
more. The ship began to roll heavily, and the passengers
were terribly sea-sick, and so were the two Bengali boys.
One of them was certain he was going to die, and we
had to console him with great difficulty, assuring him
that there was nothing to be afraid of, as it was quite a
common experience and nobody ever died of it. The
second class, again, was right over the screw of the ship.
The two Bengali lads, being "natives,” were put into a
cabin almost like a blackhole, where neither air nor light
had any access. So the boys could not remain in the room
and on the deck the rolling was terrible. Again, when
the prow of the ship settled into the hollow of a wave
and the stern was pitched up, the screw rose clear out
of the water and continued to wheel in the air, giving
tremendous jolting to the whole vessel. And the second
class then shook as when a rat is seized by a cat and
shaken!

This was monsoon season. The more the ship proce¬
eded, the more gale and wind she had to encounter. The
Madrasis had given plenty of fruits, the greater part of
which and the sweets and rice-and-curd, etc. I gave to
the boys. Alasinga had hurriedly bought a ticket and
boarded the ship barefooted...Editor of the Brahmavadin ,
Alasinga, a Mysore Brahmin of the Ramanuja sect, had
brought with him with great care, as his provision for the
voyage, two small bundles, in one of which there was
fried flattened rice and in another popped rice and fried

276

peas! His idea was to live upon these during the voyage
to Ceylon, so that his caste might remain intact. Howev¬
er, one rarely finds men like our Alasinga in this world-
one so unselfish, so hard-working, and devoted to his
Guru, and such an obedient disciple is indeed very rare
on earth. A Madrasi by birth, with his head shaven so as
to leave a tuft in the centre, barefooted, and wearing the
dhoti, he got into the first class. When hungry, he
chewed some of the popped rice and peas !

Alasinga did not feel sea sick. Brother T. felt a little
trouble at the beginning but was then all right. So the
four days passed in various pleasant talks and gossip.

Once I was preaching at Anuradhapuram (Ceylon)
among the Hindus-not Buddhists-and that in an open
maidan, not on anybody’s property, when a whole host of
Buddhist monks and laymen, men and women, came out
beating drums and cymbals and set up an awful uproar.
The lecture had to stop, of course, and there was the im¬
minent risk of bloodshed. With great difficulty I had to
persuade the Hindus that we at any rate might practise
a bit of non-injury (Ahimsa) if they did not. Then the
matter ended peacefully.

Our Colombo friends had procured a permit for our
landing. So we landed and met our friends. Sir Coomara
Swarai is the foremost man among the Hindus. Mr. Aru-
nachalam and other friends came to meet me. After
a long time, I partook of millagutawny, and the king
cocoanut. They put some green cocoanuts into my cabin.
I also visited the monastery and school of our old acqua¬
intance, the Countess of Canovara.

277

Alasinga returned to Madras from Colombo, and we
also got on board our ship, with presents of some lemons
from the orchard of Kumaraswamy, some cocoanuts,
two bottles of syrup, etc.

The ship left Colombo in the morning of 25th June
(1899). Owing to the rolling of the ship, most of the
passengers were suffering from headache. A little girl
named Tootle was accompanying her father. She had
lost her mother. Our Nivedita became mother to Tootle.
Tootle was brought up in Mysore with her father who is
a planter. I asked her, “Tootle, how are you?” She
replied, “This bungalow is not good and rolls very much,
which makes me sick.” To her every house was a
bungalow!

After six days’ journey had been prolonged into four¬
teen days, and our buffeting by terrible wind and rain
night and day, we at last did reach Aden. Near the Island
of Socotra, the monsoon was its worst. The captain re¬
marked that that was the centre of the monsoon, and
that if we could pass that, we should gradually reach cal¬
mer waters. And so we did. And the nightmare also
ended.

In the evening of the 8th July, we reached Aden. I
had visited the town last time. Aden is a very ancient
place... Our ship is now passing through the Red Sea.

The very name of the Red Sea strikes terror-it is
so dreadfully hot, specially in summer. But fortunately
we did not experience so much heat. The breeze instead
of being a southwind, continued to blow from the north,
and it was the cool breeze of the Mediterranean.

278

On the 14th of July, the steamer cleared the Red Sea
and reached Suez. The Suez Canal is now the link bet¬
ween Europe and Asia.

This is a very beautiful natural harbour, surrounded
almost on three sides by sandy mounds and hillocks, the
water also is very deep. There are innumerable fish and
sharks in it.

As soon as we heard of the sharks moving about
behind the ship - I had never an opportunity to see live
sharks - we hastened to the spot. But our friends, the
sharks, had moved off a little. We were watching - half
an hour, three quarters, we were almost tired of it when
somebody announced - there he was. Casting my eyes,
I found that at some distance, a huge black thing was
moving towards us, six or seven inches below the surface
of the water. The huge flat head was visible. A gigan¬
tic fish.

One of the second class passengers, a military man,
found out a terrible hook. To this, they tightly fastened
two pounds of meat with a strong cord, and a stout cable
tied to it. About six feet from it, a big piece of wood
was attached to act as a float. Then the hook with the
float was dropped in the water. We in eagerness stood
on tiptoe, leaning over the railing and anxiously waited
for the shark. Suddenly, about a hundred yards from
the ship, something of the shape of a water carrier’s
leather bag, but much larger, appeared above the surface
of the water. The shark rushed close by and put the bait
into his jaws and tilted on his side - pull, pull, forty or
fifty pulled together. What tremendous strength the

279

fish has, what struggles he made ! He turned and turned
in the water. Alas, he extricated himself from the bait!
The shark fled, getting rid of the hook. And he was
tiger - like, having black stripes over his body like a tiger.

There, another huge flat - headed crature! Moving
near the hook and examining the bait, lie put it in his
jaws. He turned on his side and swallowed it whole
leisurely. When about to depart, immediately there was
the pull from behind! '‘Flat-head” astonished, jerked
his head and wanted to throw the bait off, but it made
matters worse ! The hook pierced him, and from above,
men young and old began to pull violently at the cable.
There, about half the shark’s body was above water. Oh,
what jaws ! The whole of it was clear of water. Now
he was set on the deck. What a big shark ! And with
what a thud he fell on board the ship ! The military man
with body and clothes splashed with blood raised the
beam and began to land heavy blows on the shark’s head.
I had my meal almost spoilt that day - everything smelt
of that shark.

The Suez Canal is a triumph of Canal engineering;
it is also a thing of remote antiquity. By connecting the
Mediterranean with the Red Sea, it has greatly facilitated
commerce between Europe and India. Now comes the
Mediterranean. It marks the end of Asia, Africa and of
ancient civilisation. We now enter Europe. The borders
of this Mediterranean were the birth place of that Euro¬
pean Civilisation which has now conquered the world.

The ship touched Naples, - we reached Italy. The
capital of Italy is Rome-Rome, the capital of that ancient

280

and most powerful Roman Empire. After leaving Naples,
the ship called at Marseilles, and thence straight at
London.

ENGLAND

Wimbledon : 3-8-99 - We are in at last. Turiya-
nanda and I have beautiful lodgings here... I have re¬
covered quite a bit by the voyage... It is nice and warm
here; rather too much, they say. I have become for the
present a Sunyavadi, a believer in nothingness or void l
No plans, no after - thought, no attempt, for anything;
Laissez faire to the fullestHI

What is this osteopathy ? Will they cut off a rib or
two to cure me ? Not I, no manufacturing from my ribs,
sure ! Whatever it be, it will be hard work for him to
find my bones. My bones are destined to make corals
in the Ganges.

I am going to study French...but no grammar business.

I expect to be in New York in a few weeks, and
don’t know what next.

No one ever landed on English soil with more hatred
in his heart for a race than I did for the English; but the
more I lived among them and saw how the machine was
working - the English national life, - and ipixed with
them, I found where the heartbeat of the nation was,
and the more I loved them.

AMERICA

The Americans’ kindness to me is past all narration;
it would take me years yet to tell how I have been treated
by them, most kindly and most wonderfully.

281

Ridgely Manor (N.Y.) 14-9-99 - I have simply
been taking rest at the Leggett’s and doing nothing.
Abhedananda is here. He has been working hard.

N.Y. : 22-12-99 - I had a slight relapse of late,
for which the healer has rubbed several inches of my skin
off. Just now I am feeling it, the smart.

I had a very hopeful note from Margo (Margaret E.
Noble)... I am grinding on in Pasadena I hope some result
will come out of my work here. Some people here are
very enthusiastic; The Raja-Yoga book did indeed great
service on this coast. I am mentally very well, indeed; I
never really was so well as of late. The lectures for one
thing do not disturb my sleep, that is some gain. I am
doing some writing, too. The lectures here were taken
down by a stenographer, the people here want to print
them.

Slowly as usual plans are working, but Mother knows
as I say. May She give me release and find other workers
for her plans ! I have made a discovery as to the mental
method of really practising what the Gita teaches, of
working without an eye to results. I have seen much
light on concentration and attention, and control of con¬
centration which if practised will take us out of all anxie¬
ty and worry. It is really the science of bottling up our
minds whenever we like. Mrs. Legget is doing well; so
is Joe; I, they say, I too, am. Maybe they are right. I
work anyway and want to die in harness; if that be what
Mother wants, I am quite content.

Los Angeles: Dec. 6, 99 - If I did not break my
heart over my people I was born amongst, I would do it

282

for somebody else. I am sure of that. This is the way
of some, I am coming to see it. We are all after happi¬
ness, true; but that some are only happy in being
unhappy - queer, is it not ?

There is no harm in it either, except that happiness
and unhappiness are both infections. Ingersol said once
that if he were God, he would make health catching,
instead of disease, little dreaming that health is quite as
catching as disease, if not more !

12-12-99 - My mistakes have been great, but
everyone of them was from too much love. Would
I never had any Bhakti!

I went years ago to the Himalayas, never to come
back; but my sister committed suicide, the news reached
me there, and that weak heart flung me off from that
prospect of peace 1 It is the weak heart that has driven
me out of India to seek some help for those I love, and
here I am ! Peace have I sought, but the heart, that seat
of Bhakti, would not allow me to find it. Struggle and
torture; torture and struggle !

Ye# let the world come, the hell come, the God
come, let Mother come, I fight and do not give in.

¥ Ravana got his release in three births by fighting the
Lord himself! It is glorious to fight Mother.

Los Angeles : 23-12-99 -1 am all right. The wheel
is turning up. Mother is working it up, She cannot let
me go before Her work is done.

Los Angeles : 27-12-99 -1 am much better in
health - able enough to work once more. I have started

283

work already, and have sent to Saradananda (Belur

Math) Rs. 1,300/- already.I shall send more, if they

need it.Poor boys I How hard I am on them

at times !

Well, they know in spite of all that I am their best
friend.

I am at my best when I am alone. Mother seems to
arrange so. Joe (Miss Josephine Macleod) believes great

things are brewing in Mother’s cup; hope it is so.I can

only say, every blow I had in this life, every pang, will
only become joyful sacrifice if Mother becomes propitious
to India once more.

The Raja-Yoga book seems to be very well - known
here.

Joe has unearthed a magnetic healing woman. We
both are under her treatment. Joe thinks she is pulling
me up splendidly. On her has been worked a miracle, she
claims. Whether it is magnetic healing, California ozone,
or the end of the present spell of bad karma, I am improv¬
ing. It is a great thing to be able to walk three miles,
even after a heavy dinner.

It is exactly like Northern Indian winter here, only
some days a little warmer. The roses are here and the
beautiful palms. Barley is in the fields, roses and many
other flowers round about the cottage where 3 live.
Mrs. Blodgett, my host, is a Chicago lady. Fat, old and
extremely witty. She heard me in Chicago and is very

motherly.I shall be very happy if I can make a lot

of money. I am making some.

284

Los Angeles: 17-1-1900- 1 have been able to
remit Rs. 2,000/- to Saradananda with the help of Miss
MacLeod and Mrs. Leggett. Of course, they contributed
the best part. The rest was got by lectures.

I am decidedly better in health. The healer thinks I
am not at liberty to go anywhere I choose; the process will

go on and I shall completely recover in a few months.

I am here principally for health.

Now it occurs to me that my mission from the plat¬
form is finished.

Los Angles: 15-2-1900 -Going to San Francisco
next week.

Pasadena : 20-2-1900 -1 have lost many relatives,
suffered much, and the most curious cause of suffering
when somebody goes off is the feeling that I was not good
enough to that person. When my father died, it was a

pang for months, and I had been so disobedient.I was

in the glare, burning and panting all the time.My life

is made up of continuous blows, because of poverty,
treachery and my own foolishness !

California: 21-2-1900 - Wordy warfares, texts and
scriptures, doctrines and dogmas - all these I am coming
to loathe as poison, in this my advanced age.

San Francisco: 2-3-1900-1 am busy making money

only I do not make much.I have to make enough to

pay my passage home at any rate. Here is a new field,
where I find ready listeners by hundreds prepared
beforehand by my books.

285

San Francisco : 4-3-1900 - My health is about the
same; don’t find much difference; it is improving perhaps
but very imperceptibly. I can use my voice, however, to
make 3,000 people hear me as I did twice in Oakland,
and get good sleep too after two hours of speaking.

San Francisco: 7-3-1900 -1 am so so in health. No
money. Hard work. No result. Worse than Los Angeles.
They come in crowds when the lecture is free-when there
is payment, they don’t.

Almeda Calif : 20-4-1900 - A kind lady has given
me a pass up to New York to be used within three
months. The Mother will take care of me. She is not
going to strand me now after guarding me all my life.

Almeda Calif: 30-4-1900 - Sudden indisposition

and fever prevent my starting for Chicago yet. I will

start as^Tam strong for the journey.

\

Almeda Calif : 2-5-1900 -1 have been very ill, one
more relapse brought about by months of hard work.

New York: 11-5-1900 -1 have been much censured

by everyone for cutting off my long hair.I had been

to Detroit and came back yesterday. Trying as soon as
possible to go*fo France, then to India.

Los Angeles : 17-6-1900- Kali worship is not a
necessary step in any religion. The Upanishads teach us
all that there is of religion. Kali worship is my special
fad . I only preach what is good for universal humanity.
If there is any curious method which applies entirely to
me, I keep it a secret and there it ends. I never taught
Kali worship to any body.

286

Religion is that which does not depend upon books
or teachers or prophets or Saviours, and that which does
not make us dependent in this or in any other lives upon
others. In this sense, Advaitism of the Upanishads is the
only religion. But, Saviours, books, prophets, ceremonials,
etc. have their places. They may help many, as Kali
worship helps me in my secular work. They are welcome.

I have vforked for this world all my life, and it does
not give me a piece of bread without taking a pound of
flesh.

New York: 18-7-1900-1 stayed in Detroit for
three days only. It is frightfully hot here in New York.
Kali (Abhedananda) went away about a week ago to the
mountains. He cannot come back till September. I am
all alone, and washing; I like it.

New York : 24-7-1900 -1 am to start on Thursday
next, by the French steamer La Champagne.

New York: 25-7-1900-1 am starting for Paris
tomorrow.

PARIS

Paris : 25-8-1900 - Now I am free, as l have kept
no power or authority or position for me in the work. I
also have resigned the Presidentship of the Ramakrishna
Mission.

I am so glad a whole load is off me, now I am happy.

Paris: 28-8-1900 -1 am trying to learn French.
Some are veity appreciative already.

287

I have not had much time to think of the body. So
it must be well.

We have an adage among us that one that has a
disc-like pattern on the soles of his feet becomes a vaga¬
bond. I fear I have my soles inscribed all over with

them !.It was my cherished desire to remain in Paris

for some time and study the French language and civilisa¬
tion. I left my old friends and acquaintances and put
up with a new friend, a Frenchman of ordinary means,
who knew no English, and my French, well, it was some¬
thing quite extraordinary!

I had this in mind that the inability to live like a
dumb man would naturally force me to talk French, and
I would attain fluency in that language in no time. But
on the contrary, I took to a tour through Vienna, Turkey,
Greece, Egypt and Jerusalem !

I had three travelling companions - two of them
French and the third, an American. The French male
companion was Monsieur Jules Bois, a famous Philoso¬
pher, and literatuer of France; and the French lady friend
was the world-renowned singer Madamoiselle Calve. I
had previously been acquainted with her.

Madame Sarah Bernhardt, the foremost actress in the
West, has a special regard for India. She told me again
and again that our country is “very ancient and very
civilised.” One year she performed a drama touching on
India, in which she set up a whole Indian street scene on
the stage - men, women and children, sadhus and Nagas
and everything - an exact picture of India I After the
performance she told me that for about a month she had

288

visited every museum and made herself acquainted with
the men and women, and their dress, the streets and
bathing ghats and everything relating to India. Madame
Bernhardt has a desire to visit India.

Madamoiselle Calve will not sing this winter, and is
going to temperate climates like Egypt, etc. I am going as
her guest. Calve has not devoted herself to music alone;
she is sufficiently learned, and has a great love for
philosophical and religious literature.

She was born amidst very poor circumstances. There
is no better teacher than pain and poverty ! That extreme
penury and pain and hardship of childhood, a constant
struggle against which has won for Calve her victory,
have engendered a remarkable sympathy, and a profound
seriousness in her life.

Western music is very good; there is in it a perfection
of harmony, which we (Indians) have not attained. Only,
to our untrained ears it does not sound well, hence, we
do not like it and we think that the singers howl like
jackals. I also had the same sort of impression, but when
I began to listen to the music with attention and study it
minutely, I came more and more to understand it, and I
was lost in admiration.

What is meant by bath in the West ? Why, the wash¬
ing of face, head and hands, i. e. only those parts which
are exposed. A millionaire friend of mine once invited
me to come over to Paris - Paris, which is the capital of
modern civilisation - Paris, the heaven of luxury, fashion
and merriment on earth - the centre of arts and sciences.
My friend accommodated me in a huge palatial hotel,

289

where arrangements for meals were in a right royal style,
but for bath-well, no name of it. Two days I suffered
silently - till at last I could bear it no longer, and had to
address my friend thus : “Dear brother, let this royal
luxury be with you and yours ! I am panting to get out
of this situation, such hot weather, and no facility of
bathing; if it continues like this, I shall be in imminent
danger of turning mad like a rabid dog." Hearing this,
my friend became very sorry for me and annoyed with the
hotel authorities, and said, “I won’t let you stay here any
more, let us go and find out a better place."

Twelve of the chief hotels were seen, but no place
for bathing was there in any of them ! There are indepe¬
ndent bathing-houses, where one can go and have a bath
for four or five rupees. Good heavens I That afternoon I
read in a paper that an old lady entered into the bath-tub
and died then and there ! Whatever the doctors may say,
I am inclined fo think that perhaps, that was the first
occasion in her life to come into contact with so much
water, and the frame collapsed by the sudden shock!!
This is no exaggeration.

No nation in the world is as cleanly in the body as
the Hindu who uses water very freely.

France - a picturesque country, neither very cold nor
very warm, very fertile; weather neither excessively wet
nor extremely dry. Sky clear, sun sweet, elms and oaks in
abundance, grasslands charming, hills and rivers small,
springs delightful. Excepting some parts of China, no
other country in the world have I seen that is so beautiful
as France.The rich and the poor, the young and the

290

old, the fields, the gardens, the walks, so artistically neat
and clean - the whole country looks like a picture. Such
love of nature and art have I seen nowhere except
in Japan. ~

We had two other companions on the journey as far
as Constantinople - Pera Hyacinthe alias Mons. Loyson
and his wife.

One special benefit I got from the company of those
ladies and gentlemen was that except the one American
lady, no one knew English and consequently somehow or
other I had to talk as well as hear French.

From Paris our friend Maxim had supplied me with
letters of introduction to various places, so that the
countries might be properJy seen. Maxim is the inventor
of the famous Maxim gun-the gun that sends off a conti¬
nuous round of balls, and is loaded and discharged auto¬
matically, without intermission. An admirer of India and
China, Maxim is a good writer on religion, philosophy*
etc. Having read my works long since, he holds me in
great - I should say, excessive admiration.

The tour programme was as follows: from Paris to
Vienna and thence to Constantinople, by rail; then by
steamer to Athens and Greece, then across the Mediter¬
ranean to Egypt, then Asia Minor, Jerusalem, and so on.

Paris, in the year 1900 was the centre of the civilised
world, for it was the year of the Paris Exhibition and
there was an assemblage of eminent men and women from
all quarters of the globe. The master minds of all countries
had met in Paris to spread the glory of their respective
countries by means of their genius. From among that

291

white galaxy of geniuses, there stepped forth one distin¬
guished youthful hero to proclaim the name of our
Motherland - it was the world-renowned scientist Dr.
J. C. Bose. Alone, the youthful Bengali physicist, with
his galvanic quickness charmed the Western audience
with his splendid genius. Well done, hero!

I took a round over the Paris Exhibition - that accu¬
mulated mass of dazzling ideas, like lightning held steady
as it were, that unique assemblage of celestial panorama
on earth!

In this Paris Exhibition, the Congress of the History
of Religions sat for several days together. At the Cong¬
ress, there was no room for the discussions on the doctri¬
nes and spiritual views of any religion; its purpose was
only to enquire into the historic evolution of the different
forms of established faiths, and along with it other accom¬
panying facts that are incidental to it. Accordingly, the
representation of the various missionary sects of different
religions and their beliefs was entirely left out of account
in this Congress. The Chicago Parliament of Religions
was a grand affair and the representatives of many religi¬
ous sects from all parts of the world were present in it.
This Congress, on the other hand, was attended only by
such scholars as devoted themselves to the study of the
origin andliistory ofdifferent religions. At the Chicago
Parliamenttli^nfTuence of the Roman Catholics expected
to establish their superiority over the Protestants without
much opposition, by proclaiming their glory and strength
and laying the bright side of their faith before the assem¬
bled Christians, Hindus, Bauddhas, Mussalmans and other
representatives of the world religions and publicly expos-

292

ing their weakness, they hoped to make firm their own
position. But the result proving otherwise, the Christian
world has been deplorably hopeless of the reconciliation
of the different religious systems : so the Roman catholics
are now particularly opposed to the repetition of any such
gathering. France is a Roman catholic country; hence,
in spite of the earnest wish of the authorities, no religious
congress was convened on account of the vehement
opposition on the part of the Roman Catholic world.

The Congress of the History of Religions at Paris
was like the Congress of Orientalists.

From Asia only three Japanese Pandits were present
at the Congress. From India, there was the present writer.

The conviction of many of the Sanskrit scholars of
the West is that the Vedic religion is the outcome of the
worship of the fire, the sun and other awe - inspiring
objects of natural phenomena.

I was invited by the Paris Congress to contradict
this conviction, and I promised to read a paper on the
subject. But I could not keep my promise on account of
ill health and with difficulty was only able to be person¬
ally present at the Congress where I was most warmly
received by all the western Sanskrit scholars whose
admiration for this scribe was all the greater, as they had
already gone through many of my lectures on the Vedanta.

At the Congress, Mr. Gustav Oppert, a German
Pandit, read a paper on the origin of Salagrama-Sila.

He traced the origin of the Salagrama worship to the
emblem of the female generative principle. According

293

to him, the Siva Lingam is the phallic emblem of the
male, and the Salagrama of the female generative princi¬
ple. And thus he wanted to establish that the worship
of the Siva Linga and that of the Salagrama - both are
but the component parts of the worship of Lingam and
Yonil

I repudiated the above two views and said that
though I had heard of such ridiculous explanations about
the Siva Lingam, the other theory of the Salagramasila
was quite new and strange, and seemed groundless
to me.

I also said that the worship of the Siva Lingam ori¬
ginated from the famous hymn in the Atharva Veda
Samhita sung in praise of the Yupastambha, the sacrificial
post. In that hymn a description is found of the begin-
ingless and endless Stambha or Skambha, and it is shown
that the said Skambha is put in place of the eternal
Brahman. As, afterwards, the Yajna (Sacrificial) fire,
its smoke, ashes and flames, the Soma plant and the ox
that used to carry on its back the wood for the Vedic
sacrifice, gave place to the conceptions of the brightness
of Siva’s body, his tawny matted hair, his blue throat, and
the riding on the bull of the Siva, and so on. Just so, the
Yupa-Skambha gave place in time to the Siva-Lingam,
and was deified to the high Devahood of Sri Sankara. In
the Atharva Veda Samhita, the sacrificial cakes are also
extolled along with the attributes of Brahman.

In the Linga Purana, the same hymn is expanded in
the shape of stories, meant to establish the glory of the
great Stambha and the superiority of Mahadeva.

294

Again, there is another fact to be considered. The
Bauddhas used to erect memorial topes consecrated to the
memory of Buddha; and the very poor, who were unable
to build big monuments, used to express their devotion
to him by dedicating immature substitutes for them.
Similar instances are still.iS^ttie case of Hindu temples in
Banaras and other sacr ea places of India, where those
who cannot afford to build temples, dedicate very small
temple like constructions instead. So, it might be quite
probable that during the period of Buddhistic ascendency,
the rich Hindus, in imitation of the Bauddhas, used to
erect something as a memorial resembling their Skambha,
and the poor in a similar manner copied them on a redu¬
ced scale, and, afterwards, the miniature memorials of the
poor Hindus became a new addition to the Skambha.

One of the names of the Buddha Stupas (memorial
topes) is Dhatugarbha, that is “metal-wombed.” Within
the Dhatu-garbha small cases made of stone, shaped
like the present Salagrama, used to preserve the ashes,
6ones and other remains of the distinguished Bauddha
Bhikshus, along with gold, silver and other metals. The
Salagrama-silas are natural stones resembling in form
these artificially cut stone-cases of the Bauddha Dhatu-
garbha, and thus, being first worshipped by the Bauddhas,
gradually got into Vaishnavism, like many other forms of
Buddhistic worship that found their way into Hinduism.
On the banks of the Narmada and in Nepal, the Buddhi¬
stic influence lasted longer than in other parts of India,
and the remarkable coincidence that the Narmadeswara
Siva-lingam found on the banks of the Narmada and
hence so called, and the Salagrama-silas of Nepal, are

295

given preference by the Hindus to those found elsewhere
in India, is a fact that ought to be considered with respect
to this point of contention.

The explanation of the Salagrama-sila as a phallic
emblem was an imaginary invention and, from the very
beginning, beside the mark. The explanation of the
Siva-lingam as a phallic emblem was brought forward by
the most thoughtless and was forthcoming in India in her
most degraded times, those of the downfall of Buddhism.
The filthiest Tantrika literature of Buddhism of those
times is yet largely found and its rites practised in Nepal
and Tibet.

I gave another lecture in which I dwelt on the historic
evolution of the religious ideas in India, and said that
the Vedas are the common source of Hinduism in all its
varied stages, as also Buddhism and every other religious
belief in India.

I said a few words on the priority of Sri Krishna to
Buddha - that the worship of Sri Krishna is much older
than that of Buddha, and if the Gita be not of the same
date as the Mahabharata, it is surely much earlier, and by
no means later. When the Gita notices the doctrines of
all the religious sects of the time, why does it not, I asked,
ever mention the name of Buddhism?

After the lecture, many present expressed their opi¬
nions for or against the subject, and declared that they
agreed with most of what I had said, and assured me that
the old days of Sanskrit Antiquarianism were past and
gone and the views of modern Sanskrit scholars were
largely the same as those of mine.

296

And what your European Pandits say about the
Aryans’ sweeping down from some foreign land, snatching
away the lands of the aborigines and settling in India by
exterminating them, is all pure nonsense, foolish talk!
Strange that our Indian scholars, too, say amen to them;
and all these monstrous lies are being taught to our boys !
This is very bad indeed.

I am an ignoramus myself. I do not pretend to any
scholarship; but with the little that I understand I strongly
protested against these ideas at the Paris Congress.

I have been talking with the Indian and European
savants on the subject, and hope to raise many objections
to this theory in detail when the time permits.

Paris - Now I am staying on the sea coast of France.
The session of the Congress of History of Religion is over.
It was not a big affair; some twenty scholars chattered a
lot on the origin of the Salagrama and the origin of Jeho¬
vah, and similar topics. I also said something on the
occasion.

Paris 9-1900 - The body is somehow rolling on.
Work makes it ill, and rest makes it well - that is all.
Mother knows...Nivedita has gone to England. She and
Mrs. Bull are collecting funds.

Paris 14-10-1900 - I am staying with a famous
French writer. M. Jules Bois. I am his guest. As he is
a man making his living with his pen, he is not rich, but
we have many great ideas in common and feel happy
together.

297

He discovered me a few years ago and has already
translated some of my pamphlets into French.

I shall travel with Madame Calve, Miss MacLeod
and M. Jules Bois, I shall be the guest of Madame Calve,
the famous singer.

We shall go to Constantinople, the Near East,
Greece and Egypt. On our way back, we shall visit Venice.

It may be that I shall give a few lectures in Paris
after my return, but they will be in English with an
interpreter...

I am sending all the money I earned in America to
India; now I am free, the begging - monk as before. I have
also resigned from the Presidentship of the monastery.

M. Jules Bois is very modest and gentle, and though a
man of ordinary means, he very cordially received me as
a guest into his house in Paris. Then, he was accompany¬
ing us for travel.

In the evening of October 24,1900 the train left Paris.
The night was dark and nothing could be seen. Monsieur
Bois and myself occupied one compartment, and early
went to bed. On awakening from sleep we found we had
crossed the French frontier and entered German territory.
I bad already seen Germany thoroughly.

The whole day the train rushed through Germany,
till in the afternoon it reached the frontiers of Austria,
the ancient sphere of German supremacy, but now an
alien territory.

In the evening of October 25, the train reached
Vienna, the capital of Austria. There were few passen-

298

gers, and it did not take us much time to show our luggage
and have it passed. A hotel had already been arranged
for, and a man from the hotel was waiting for us with a
carriage: we reached the hotel duly. It was out of
question to go out for sight-seeing during the night; so
the next morning we started to see the town.

Vienna is a small city after the model of Paris. The
thing most worth seeing in Vienna is the Museum, speci¬
ally the scientific Museum, an institution of great benefit
to the students. Three days in Vienna were sufficient to
tire me.

On the 28th Oct., at 9 P. M., we again took that
Orient Express train, which reached Constantinople on
the 30th. These two nights and one day, the train ran
through Hungary, Serbia and Bulgaria.

Formerly, I had the notion that people of cold clima¬
tes did not take hot chillies, which was merely a bad
habit of warm climate people. But the habit of taking
chillies, which we observed to begin with Hungary and
which reached its climax in Rumania, Bulgeria, etc.
appeared to me to beat even the Madrasis!

The first view of Constantinople we had from
the train. At the station we had great trouble over our
books. Madamoiselle Calve and Jules Bois tried much, in
French, to reason with the octroi officers, which gradually
led to a quarrel between the parties. The head of the
officers was a Turk and his dinner was ready, so the
quarrel ended without further complications. They
returned all the books with the exception of two which
they heldback. They promised to send them to the hotel

299

immediately, which they never did. We went round the
town and bazar of Stamboul, or Constantinople.

Beyond the Pont, or creek, is the Pera or foreigner's
quarters, hotels etc. whence we got into a carriage, saw
the town and then took some rest. In the evening, we
went to visit Woods Pasha, and the next day, started on
an excursion along the Bosphorus in a boat. It was extre¬
mely cold and there was a strong wind. So I and Miss
M-got down at the first station. It was decided that we
would cross over the Scutari and see Pere Hyacinthe-
Not knowing the language we engaged a boat by signs
merely, crossed over and hired a carriage. On the way,
we saw the seat of a Sufi Fakir.

We had a long talk with Pere Hyacinthe about the
American colleges, after which we went to an Arab shop
where we met a Turkish student. Then we returned from
Scutari - we had found out a boat but it failed to reach
its exact destination. However, we took a tram from the
place where we were landed, and returned to our quarters
at the hotel at Stamboul. The Museum at Stamboul is
situated where the ancient harem of the Greek Emperors
once stood. We saw some remarkable sarcophagi and
other things, and had a charming view of the city from
above Tophaneh. I enjoyed taking fried chick peas here
after such a long time, and had spiced rice and some other
dishes, prepared in the Turkish fashion. After visiting
the cemetery, we went to see the ancient walls. Within
the walls was the prison-a dreadful place. Next we met
Woods Pasha and started for the Bosphorus. We had our
dinner with the French Charge d 1 Affairs and met a Greek

300

Pasha and an Albanian gentleman. The police have
prohibited Pere Hyacinthe’s lectures. So, I too could not
lecture. We saw Mr. Devanmall and Chobeji-a Gujarati
Brahmin. There are a good many Indians here, Hindu¬
stanis, Mussalmans, etc. We had a talk on Turkish
Philology and heard of Noor Bey, whose grandfather was
a Frenchman. The women here have got no Purdah
system and are very free. We heard of Kurd Pasha, and
the massacre of Armenians.

At 10 in the morning, we left Constantinople, passing
a night and a day on the sea, which was perfectly placid;
by degrees, we reached the Golden Horn and the sea
of Marmora. In one of the islands of the Marmora, we
saw a monastery of the Greek religion.

While out in the morning on a visit to the Mediter¬
ranean Archipelago, we came across Professor Liper,
whose acquaintance I had already made in the Pachiappa
College at Madras. In one of the islands, we came upon
the ruins of a temple, which had probably been dedicated
to Neptune, judging from its position on the sea-shore. In
the evening, we reached Athens, and after passing a whole
night, under quarantine, we obtained permission for land¬
ing in the morning. Port Peiraeus is a small town, but
very beautiful. From there we drove five miles to have
a look at the ancient walls of Athens which used to con¬
nect the city with the port. Then we went through the
town; the Acropolis, the hotels, houses and streets, and
all were very neat and clean. The place is a small one.
The same day, again, we climbed the hillock and had a
view of the Acropolis, the temple of the Wingless Victory,

301

and the Parthenon, etc. The temple is made of white
marble. Some standing remains of columns also we saw.
The next day, we again went to see these with Madamoi-
sselle Melcarvi, who explained to us various historical
facts relating thereto. On the second day, we visited the
temple of Olympian Zeus. Theatre Dionysius etc., as far
as the seashore. The third day, we set out for Eleusis,
which was the chief religious seat of the Greeks. Here it
was that the famous Eleusinian Mysteries used to be
played. The ancient theatre of this place has been built
anew by a rich Greek. The Olympian games too have
been revived in the present times. At 10 A. M. on the
fourth day, we got on board the Russian Steamer, Czar %
bound for Egypt. After reaching the deck, we came to
learn that the steamer was to start at 4 P.M. - perhaps,
we were too early or there would be some extra delay in
loading the cargo. So having no other alternative, we
went round and made a cursory acquaintance with the
sculpture of Ageladas and his three pupils, Phidias, Myron
and Polycletus, who flourished between 576 B. C. and 486
B. C. Even here, we began to feel the great heat. No ice
was available in this steamer. From a visit to the Louvre
Museum in Paris, I came to understand the three stages
of Greek art.

Paris: 14-10-1900 - We shall leave Paris for Vien¬
na on the 29th.

Port Tewfick: 26-11-1900 - The steamer was late,
so 1 am waiting. Thank goodness, it entered the canal
this morning at Port Said. That means it will arrive some
time in the evening if everything goes right.

302

Of course, it is like solitary imprisonment these two
days and I am holding my soul in patience.

But they say the change is thrice dear. Mr. Gaze’s
agent gave me all wrong directions; in the first place,
there was nobody here to tell me a thing, not to speak of
receiving me. Secondly, I was not told that I had to
change my Gaze’s ticket for a steamer one at the agent’s
office, and that was at Suez, not here.

It was good one way, therefore, that the steamer was
late. So, I went to see the agent of the steamer and he
told me to exchange Gaze’s pass for a regular ticket.

I hope to board the steamer some time tonight. I am
enjoying the fun immensely.

One must love all. No one is stranger. It is Hari alone
that exists in all beings. Nothing exists without Him.
Never think that you alone have true understanding and
that others are fools.

- Sri RAMAKRISHNA.

%XS,dL

Say. brother, "The(soul1of India is my highest heaven, the
good of India is my good,’' and repeat and pray day night
“Oh, Thou Lord of Gouri, O, Thou Mother of the Uni¬
verse, vouchsafe manliness unto me O, Thou Mother of
Strength, take away my unmanliness, and make me a man",

SWAMI VIVEKANANDA.

303

CHAPTER X

THE LAST DAYS

Belur Math : 11-12-1900 - I arrived night before
last. Alas ! my hurrying was of no use. Poor Captain
Sevier has passed away, a few days ago; thus two Great
Englishmen gave up their lives for us, the Hindus. This
is martyrdom if anything is.

He was cremated on the banks of the river that
flows by his Ashrama, a la Hindu, covered with garlands,
the Brahmins carrying the body and boys chanting the
Vedas.

Dear Mrs. Sevier is calm. I am going up tomorrow
to pay her a visit.

15-12-1900 - Three days ago, I reached here. It
was quite unexpected, and everybody was so surprised.

26-12-1900 - I am going to Mayavati tomorrow.

Mayavati : 6-1-1901 - The first day’s touch of Calcutta
brought the asthma back; and every night I used to get a
fit during the two weeks I was there. I am however
very well in the Himalayas.

It is snowing heavily here, and I was caught in a
blizzard on the way; but, it is not very cold; all this expo¬
sure to the snows for two days on my way here seems to
have done me a world of good.

Today, I walked over the snow uphill about a mile.

The snow is lying all round six inches deep, the sun

304

is bright and glorious, and now in the middle of the day
we are sitting outside reading, and the snow all about us !
The winter here is very mild in spite of the snow. The
air is dry and balmy, and the water beyond all praise.

Belur Math: 26-1-1901 - I went to see Mrs.
Sevier in Mayavati. On my way, I learned of the sudden
death of the Raja of Khetri. It appears he was restoring
some old architectural monument at Agra, at his own
expense, and was up some tower on inspection. Part of
the tower came down, and he was instantly killed.

Dacca: 29-3-1901 - My mother, aunt and cousin
came over five days ago to Dacca, as there was a great
sacred bath in the Brahmaputra river. Whenever a
particular conjunction of planets takes place, which is
very rare, a huge concourse of people gather on the river
at a particular spot. This year, there has been more than
a hundred thousand people; for miles the river was cover¬
ed with boats.

The river, though nearly a mile broad at the place,
was one mass of mud ! But, it was firm enough, so we
had our bath and puja and all that.

I am rather enjoying Dacca. I am going to take my
mother and other ladies to Chandranath, a holy place at
the eastern - most corner of Bengal.

I liked East Bengal on the whole, ^JThe fields, I saw
were rich in crops, the climate also m good, and the
scenery on the hill-side is charming. The Brahmaputra
valley is incomparable in beauty. The people of East

305

Bengal are a little stronger and more active than those of
this (West Bengal). It may be due to their taking plenty
of fish and meat. Whatever they do, they do with great
persistence. They use a good deal of oil and fat in their
food, which is not good, because taking too much oily and
fatty good produces fat in the body.

About religious ideas, I noticed the people are very
conservative, and many have turned into fanatics in try¬
ing to be liberal in religion. One day, a young man brou¬
ght to me in the house of Mohinini Babu at Dacca a
photograph and said, “Sir, please tell me who he is. Is
he an Avatara ?” I told him gently many times that I
knew nothing of it, when even on my telling him three
or four times, the boy did not cease from his persistent
questioning, I was constrained to say at last, “My boy,
henceforth take a little nutritious food and then your
brain will develop. Without nourishing food, I see your
brain has become dried up.” At these words, the young
man may have been very much displeased. But, what
could I do ? Unless I spoke like this to the boys, they
would turn into madcaps by degrees.

People may call their Guru an Avatara; they may
have any idea of him they like. But, Incarnations of God
are not born anywhere and at all seasons. At Dacca it¬
self, I heard there were three or four Avataras !

The women are very nearly the same everywhere. I
found Vaishnavism strong at Dacca.

Going so far, I could not return without visiting the
birthplace of such a great soul as Nag Mahashaya. His

306

wife fed me with many delicacies prepared with her own
hand. The house is charming, like a peace retreat.
There I took a swimming bath in a village pond. After
that, I had such a sound sleep that I woke at half past
two in the afternoon. Of the few days, I had sound sleep
in my life, that in Nag Mahashaya’s house was one.
Rising from sleep, I had a plentiful repast. Nag Maha¬
shaya’s wife presented me a cloth which I tied round my
head as a turban and started for Dacca. I found that the
photograph of Nag Mahashaya was being worshipped
there. The place where his remains lie interred ought to
be well kept. Even now it is not as it should be.

Even while living the life of a householder, Nag
Mahashaya was more than a Sannyasin. This is very
uncommon; I have rarely seen one like him.

Decidedly, without a shadow of doubt, Nag Maha¬
shaya was the living personification of humility in the
play of Sri Ramakrishna’s divine drama on earth...Sri
Ramakrishna used to speak of Nag Mahashaya as a
“flaming fire.”

All the characteristics of the highest type of Bhakti
spoken of in the scriptures have mainfested themselves
in Nag Mahashaya. It is only in him that we actually see
fulfilled the widely quoted text.

wnfon n

Blessed indeed is East Bengal to have been hallowed by
the touch of Nag Mahashaya’s feet!

How can ordinary people appreciate a great manlike
him ? Those who had his company are blessed indeed.

307

The land that has produced a great soul like Nag
Mahashaya is blessed and has a hopeful future. By the
light of his personality, Eastern Bengal is radiant.

There in East Bengal, they used to make such fuss
about my food and say, “Why should you eat that food
or eat from the hands of such and such?” - and so on.
To which I had to reply - “I am a Sannyasin and a
mendicant friar and what need have I to observe
so much outward formality with regard to food etc. Do
not your scriptures say -

"One should beg one’s food from door to door, aye even
from the house of an outcaste.”

The Shillong hills are very beautiful. There I met
Sir Henry Cotton, the Chief Commissioner of Assam.
He asked me, “Swamiji, after travelling through Europe
and America, what have you come to see here in these
distant hills?” Such a good and kind-hearted man as
Sir Henry Cotton is rarely found. Hearing of my illness,
he sent the Civil Surgeon and inquired after my health
morning and evening. I could not do much lecturing
there, because my health was very bad. On the way
Nitai served and looked after me nicely.

Kamakhya is the land of the Tantras. I heard of one
“Hankar” Deva who is worshipped there as an Avatara.

I heard his sect is very widespread. I could not ascertain
if “Hankar” Deva was but another form of the name of
Sankaracharya. They are monks - perhaps, Tantrika
Sannyasins. Or perhaps, one of the Sankara sects.

Math: 15-5-1901 - I have just returned from my

308

tour through East Bengal and Assam. As usual, I am
quite tired and broken down.

Belur Math,: 14-6-1901 - At Shillong, the hill
sanatorium of Assam, I had fever, Asthma, increase of
albumen, and my body swelled to almost twice its normal
size. These symptoms subsided, however, as soon as I
reached the Math. It is dreadfully hot this year, but a
bit of rain has commenced, and I hope we will soon have
the monsoon in full force. I have no plans just now except
that the Bombay Presidency wants me so urgently that
I think of going there soon.

Belur Math -. 5-7-1901 - My health has been and
is very bad. I recover for a few days only; then comes
the inevitable relapse. Well, this is the nature of the
disease anyway.

Assam is, next to Kashmir, the most beautiful country
in India, but very unhealthy. The huge Brahmaputra
winding in and out of mountains and hills, studded with
Islands, is, of course, worth one’s while to see.

Belur Math, : 27-8-1901 -My health is getting
worse, in fact everyday...

I am in a sense a retired man ; I don't keep much
note of what is going on about the Movement.

Belur Math, : 7-9-01 - It has been raining here day
and night last three days. Two of our cows have calved.

Well, about the rains - they have come down now in
right earnest and it is a deluge, pouring, pouring night and

309

day. The river is rising, flooding the banks ; the ponds
and tanks have overflown. I have just now returned from
lending a hand in cutting a deep drain to take off the
water from the Math grounds. The rain water stands at
places some feet high. My huge stork is full of glee and
so are the the ducks and geese. My tame antelope fled
from the Math and gave us some days of anxiety in
finding him out. One of my ducks unfortunately died
yesterday. She had been gasping for breath more than a
week. One of my waggish monks says, “Sir, it is no use
living in this Kaliyuga when ducks catch cold from damp
and rain, and frogs sneeze !”

One of the geese was losing her feathers. Knowing
no other method, I left her some minutes in a tub of
water mixed with mild carbolic, so that it might either
kill or heal - and she is all right now.

BelurMath: 8-11-1901 - I have been ever since my
trip to East Bengal almost bed-ridden. Now I am worse
than ever with the additional disadvantage of impaired
eyesight.

Banaras Cantonment: 10-2-1902 - Mr. Okakura
(of Japan) has started on his short tour. A very well
educated rich young man of Banaras, with whose father
we had a long standing friendship, came back to this city
yesterday. He is especially interested in art, and spending
purposely a lot of money in his attempts to revive dying
Indian arts. He came to see me only a few hours after
Mr Okakura left.

He is just the man to show him artistic India (i. e.

310

what little is left) and I am sure he will be much benefi¬
ted byOkakura’s suggestions. Okakura just found a conn
co m . terracotta water-vessel here used by the servants.
The shape and the embossed work on it simply charmed
him, but as it is common earthenware and would not bear
the journey, he left a request with me to have it repro¬
duced in brass. I was at my wit’s end as to what to do.
My young friend comes a few hours after and not only
undertakes to have it done, but offers to show a few
hundreds of embossed designs in terracotta infinitely
superior to the one Okakura fancied. He also offers to
show old paintings in that wonderful style. Only one
family is left in Banaras who can paint after the old
style yet. One of them has painted a whole hunting
scene on a pea, perfect in detail and action!

I may shift from this place very soon.

Banaras Cantonment: 18-2-1902 -If in this hell
of a world one can bring a little joy and peace even for a
day into the heart of a single person, that much alone is
true; this I have learnt after suffering all my life; all else
is mere moonshine.

Belur Math: 21-4-1902 - The plan of going to
Japan seems to have come to nought.

Belur Math: 21-4-1902 - I am getting on splendidly,
they say, but yet very weak and no water to drink.
Anyhow the chemical analysis shows a great improve¬
ment. The swelling about the feet, and other complaints
have all disappeared.

Belur Math : 15-5-1902 -1 am somewhat better,

311

but, of course, far from what I expected. A great idea of
quiet has come upon me- I am going to retire for good-
no more work for me.

If ever a man found the vanity of things, I have it

now.This is the world, hideous beastly corpse. Who

thinks of helping it is a fool 1 But we have to work out
our slavery by doing good or evil. I have worked it out,
I hope. May the Lord take me to the other shore !

To set the work going, I had to touch money and
property, for a time. Now I am sure my part of the work
is done, and I have no more interest in Vedanta or any
philosophy in the world or the work itself. I am getting
ready to depart to return no mbre to this hell, this world,

Even its religious utility is beginning to pall me. May
Mother gather me soon to Herself never to come back
any more !

I have given up the bondage of iron, the family tie. I
am not to take up the golden chain of religious brother¬
hood ! I am free, must always be free, I am as good as
retired. I have played my part in the world.

I had a message from India to the West, and boldly
I gave it to the American and English peoples.

I have worked my best. If there is any seed of truth
in it, it will come to life. I am satisfied in my conscience
that I did not remain an idle Swaroi. I have a notebook
which has travelled with me all over the world. I find
these words written seven years ago - “Now to seek a
corner and lay myself there to die !” Yet, all this Karma
remained.

312

Through Maya all this doing good etc, came into my
brain-now they are leaving me, I long, Oh, I long for my
rags, my shaven head, my sleep under the trees and my
food from begging I Never before in my life I realised
more forcibly the vanity of the world.

I have roused a good many of our people; that was
all I wanted. Let things have their course and Karma its
way. I have no bonds here. I have seen life and it is all
self - life is for self, love for self, honour for self, every¬
thing for self. I look back and scarcely find any action I
have done for self; even my wicked deeds were not for

self. So I am content.I have seen the truth. - let

the body float up or down, who cares ?

Oh, the grief! If I could get two or three like me, I
could have left the world convulsed.

It may be that I shall find it good to get outside of
my body-to cast it off like a disused garment. But, I shall
not cease to work! I shall inspire men everywhere.

It seems there is no more strength left to bear the
burden of work and responsibility. Rest and peace for
the few days that I shall yet live. Victory to the Guru !
Victory to the Guru! No more lectures or anything of
that sort. Peace !

Let me die a true Sannyasin, as my Master did,
heedless of money, of women, and of fame!

Do you think that there will be no more Vivekana-

ndas after I die \ .There will be no Jack of Viveka-

nandas, if the world needs them.Know for certain

313

that the work done by me is not the work of Vivekadanda,
it is His work- Lord's own work! If one Governor-Gene
ral retires, another is sure to be sent in his place by the
Emperor.

“As the birds which have slept in the branches of a
tree wake up, singing when the dawn comes, and soar up
into the deep blue sky, so is the end of my life.”

I have had many difficulties, and also some very great
successes. But all my difficulties and sufferings count for
nothing, as I have succeeded. I have attained my aim. I
have found the pearl for which I dived into the ocean of
life, I have been rewarded. I am pleased.

I see the cloud lifting, vanishing, the cloud of my bad
Karma, and the sun of my good karma rises, shining,
beautiful and powerful.

I think I am beginning to see the Divine, I think I am
slowly approaching that state when I shall be able to love
the very '‘Devil” himself, if there were any.

At twenty years of age, I was the most unsympathetic,
uncompromising fanatic; I would not walk on the foot¬
path, on the theatre side of the streets in Calcutta. At
thirtythree, I could live in the same house with prostitu¬
tes and never would think of saying a word of reproach

to them.My power of work is immensely increasing

and becoming immensely effective. Some days I get into
a sort of ecstasy. I feel that I must bless everyone, every¬
thing and embrace everything, and I do see that evil is a
delusion. I bless the day I was born. That Love Infinite

314

that brought me into being has guarded every one of my
actions good or bad; for what am I, what was I ever, but
a tool in His hands? for whose service I have given up
everything, my beloved ones, my joys. He is my playful
darling, I am His playfellow.

There is neither rhyme nor reason in the universe !
What reason binds Him ? He the playful One is playing
these tears and laughters over all parts of the play ! Great
fun; great fun.

It is a funny world, - and the funniest chap you ever
saw is, He - the Beloved Infinite! Fun, is it not? Bro¬
therhood or playmatehood - a school of romping children
let out to play in this playground of the world! Isn’t it?
Whom to praise, whom to blame, it is all His play.
They want explanations, but how can you explain Him?
He is brainless, nor has He any reason. He is fooling us
with little brains and reason, but this time He won’t find
me napping.

Beyond, beyond reason and learning and talking is
the feeling, the “Love”, the “Beloved”, Aye, “Saki”*
fill up the cup and we will be mad.”

I am more calm and quiet now than I ever was. My
boat is nearing the calm harbour from which it is never
more to be driven out. Glory, glory unto Mother! I have
no wish, no ambition now. Blessed be Mother! 1 am
the servant of Ramakrishna. 1 am merely a machine. 1
know nothing else. Nor do I want to know. Glory,
glory unto Sri Guru I

* A Persian word for a wine-cup bearer.

315

Mother is becoming propitious once more... Mother
is doing Her own work; I do not worry now. Moths
like me die by the thousand every instant. Her work
goes on all the same. Glory unto Mother ! Alone and
drifting about in the will-current of the Mother, has been
my whole life...

I am happy, at peace with myself, and more of the
Sannyasin than I ever was before. Memories of long
nights of vigil with Sri Ramakrishna under the Dakshin-
eshwar Banyan tree are waking up once more. And work?
What is work? Whose work? Whom shall I work for?

I am free. I am Mother’s child. She works, she plays,
why should I plan? What should I plan ? Things came
and went, just as She liked, without my planning. We
are Her automata. She is the wirepuller.

I have bundled my things and am waiting for the
great deliverer.

I am only the boy who used to listen with rapt
wonderment to the wonderful words of Ramakrishna
under the Banyan tree at Dakshineshwar. That is my true
nature. Works and activities, doing good and so forth
are all superimpositions. Now I again hear his voice;
the same old voice thrilling my soul. Bonds are breaking

- love dying, work becoming tasteless - the glamour is off
life. Now the voice of the Master calling: 'T come, Lord,

I come.” - “Let the dead bury the dead, follow thou Me.”

- “I come, my beloved, I come.”

Yes, Nirvana is before me. I leave none bound,

I take no bonds.

316

I come, Mother, I come, In Thy “warm bosom.

I feel freedom is near at hand.

I am the infinite blue sky; the clouds may gather over
me, but I am the same infinite blue.

These tinpots of bones and foolish dreams of happi¬
ness and misery - what are they?

My dreams are breaking. Om Tat Sat!

Black and thick are the folds of sinister fate. But, I
am the master. I raise my hand, and lo, they vanish! All
this is nonsense and fear. I am the Fear of fear, the
Terror of terror. I am the fearless sccondless One. I am
the Ruler of Destiny, the Wiper - out of fate. Sri Wall
Guru!

All is good ! Nonsense. Some good, some evil. I
enjoy the good and I enjoy the evil. I was Jesus and
I was Judas Iscariot; both my play, my fun. All is
good!... Come good, come evil, both welcome, both of
you my play. Thave no good to attain, no ideal to
clench up to, no ambition to fulfil. I, the diamond
mine, am playing with pebbles, good and evil, good for
you, evil, come; good for you, good, you come too.
If the universe tumbles round my ears, what is that
to me? I am Peace that passeth understanding. I am
beyond, I am Peace !

I am being lifted up above the pestilential miasma of
this world’s joys and sorrows; they are losing their
meaning. It is a land of dreams; it does not matter whe¬
ther one enjoys or weeps; they are but dreams, and as

such, must break sooner or later...Life is but a dream!
I am attaining peace that passeth understanding, which is
neither joy nor sorrow, but something above them both...
Now I am nearing that Peace , the eternal silence. I prea¬
ched the theory (of Vedantism) so long, but Oh Joy! I am
realising it now. Yes, I am. “I am free.” "Alone, alone,
I am the One without a second.”

As the dawn heralds the rising sun, so unselfishness, purity
righteousness precede the advent of God.

- Sri RAMAKRISHNA.

The blissful winds are sweet to us,

The seas are showering bliss on us.

May the corn in our fields bring bliss to us.
May the plants and herbs bring bliss to us.
May the cattle give us bliss,

O, Father in Heaven, be Thou blissful ui\to us!

- SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

318

The wavy waters in the picture are symbolic of
Karma, the lotus of Bhakti and the rising sun, of Jnana.
The encircling serpent is indicative of Yoga and the
awakened Kundalini Shakti, while the swan in the picture
stands for the Paramatman. Therefore, the idea of the
picture is that by the union of Karma, Jnana, Bhakti and
Yoga, the vision of the Paramatman is obtained.

(Once Sri Ranadaprasad Das Gupta, an expert artist and the
founder President of the Jubilee Art Academy, Calcutta, called on
Swamiji with a disciple of the latter. Then, Swamiji had the design
which he had sketched for the seal of the Ramakrishna Mission brought ,
showed it to Ranada Bobu and asked his opinion on it. The artist at
first could not catch the significance of the picture and asked Swamiji
to explain, which Stoamiji did,)

Alterations to be Noted

Page

Line

For

Read

2 Preface

9

Mentioning

Maintaining

4

4

These portions

Those portions.

A

23

practise

practise

5

26

But God-head

about Godhead

6

25

now then

now and then

9

6

the God’s will

God’s will

10

12

lectures

lecturers

II

9

a woman Sannyasinl
or ascetic

a Sannyasini or lady ascetic

14

28

burnt listening

burnt in listening

18

17

conclusions

conclusion

27

14

mad with Him

mad to get Him

29

II

lest that 1 should

lest 1 should

29

23 & 27

Ananda

Annada

35

32

How 1 was

Now 1 was *

37

2

prostrated

1 prostrated

38

8

and said

he said

38

14

how he loved another

how to love another

38

16

It is possible

It is impossible

39

10

practice

practise

42

19

Dec. 23 1885

4th Janaary, 1886

49

18

different treatment

’ different people require
different treatment

53

14 & 15

and ordinary man

any ordinary man

53

25

alien one word

fallen one word

54

10

that has done ?

that he has done ?

54

15

have understood

has understood

56

14

religion wave

religious wave

56

15

resivified

revivified

63

9

a as temple priest

as a temple priest

69

l&

some after fame,

2

some after salvation and

some after name, fame,

going to heaven

money or going to heaven

73

20

accidental

occidental

77

30

hedged a round

hedged round

85

2

as best

as best as

97

13

Albhedananda

Abhedananda

132

2

world

word

132

3

1 hold that Upanishad ,

1 hold Upanishad

135

10

treated

treated, reformed and sent
back as useful members
of society, how grand.

140

3

our parents

our parents, when they
are present

14!

15

very day

every day

171

8

Bangleys

Bagleys

175

17

root our

root out

177

29

Plamer

Palmer

180

2

by back

my back

180

14

and another topic

and other topics

132

5

England to a attack

England to attack

184

26

awfully

awfully so

193

1 & 2

am hoping

1 am hoping

193

29

confess it

1 confess it

201

29

invitation

initiation

203

19

already

already delivered

206

8

dose not

does not

208

21

/ .'uerica cities

American cities

208

27,28

by their alone

by these alone

210

17

literatures

lectures

210

25

sickness the time

sickness this time

235

12

pounds sufficient

pounds were sufficient

237

28

his his head

his head

245

25,26

Krishtopal

Krishna Lai

246

2

everytlng

everything

248

9

It my be

It may be

255

16

li&iT

fepT

255

21

1 was

It was

254

29

few days

a few days

257

24

prevent the Hinds

prevent the Hindus

259

13

better of rag

better piece of rag

259

27

there religion

their religion

260

5

these

these people

261

3

for years

four years

261

5

who ^ome

who came

266

23

whose powersin it

whose power is it

279

5

crature

creature

282

5

infections

infectious

282

21

yet

yes

285

16

as

as soon as

285

21

come back

came back

285

22

go fo France

go to France

291

25

At the Chicago Parlia¬
ment the influence of the

Roman Catholics

At the Chicago Parliament
the Roman Catholics

294

6

are still in

are still seen in

294

18

Dhatu garbha in
small case

Dhatu garbha, small cases

294

19

used

were used

294

20

hones

bones

302

foot-notes

2nd part 1st line

soul

soil

304

26

also in good

also is good

310

2,3

com com

Vommon